I am having a hard time accepting my SS - help
Hello, I am new to the forum and to being a stepparent. We have been married for 4 months but together for about a year and a half.
We have two children that are from her last marriage with her late husband. They are 4. My SD is a pretty typical 4 year old. She has her tantrums when she is tired or when she really wants something. So let’s say it is once every couple weeks. My SS on the other had has a sensory diagnosis and a DD and speech diagnosis. He will have a tantrum every time he is asked to do something. ( wash hands, go potty, clean up, request to turn the tv on denied, turn the tv off, get undressed/dressers, unwanted trash and the list goes on.
We have gone to therapy for him, gotten sensory help and there are 3-4 major meltdowns a week peppered with smaller ones. They are physical ones where he hits or bites his BM or his sister or will throw something or have a full tantrum on the floor with feet kicking and such. There have been a couple incidences where he has taken frustration out on our dogs by slapping them or pulling a tail.
He has come a ways because it used to be a meltdown daily and twice or more a day. The help I am asking for is that I am finding myself running out of patience because there is no waiting him out. The things he has a tantrum over are things he has done a million times so they are not things that are new and we have been trying everything like using timers and giving warning for unwanted activities. There are times when there is no issue but it is more often than not a problem.
Recently, I was so upset about him that I just went into our bedroom to cool off and my wife confronted me and I said somethings that I didn’t mean - fully but she threw out the either get used to this or get out.
I used to be able to tolerate his behaviors and remain calm but I am finding it so much harder to maintain my calm. And I think part of it is that my wife has a tendency to message me when I’m not home and she is and tell me about naughty things he is doing. I love my wife but I am not eager to come home from work because I dread dealing with my SS and I dread looking at him. I know he is young with a disability but I struggling to find compassion and love for my SS and I feel like a piece of shit saying that but I am worn thin and don’t know what to do. Thoughts and ideas are welcome.