You are here

Survival Tips for "Family" Visit

lulu's mom's picture

Hello, all.

Time has come for a visit that I do need to make. Sd30 has the child whom I have seen but am never included in her life-even when I am present. I was recently told by SD that talking with my husband about anything is "gossipy," so my decision to disengage has been validated. Just started disengaging. 

So why am I going? Although I did not parent SD, I have been the custodial stepparent for her half brothers for the past 8 years. SSs are 18 and 15. They will.be going as well. So, I am there as their parent and support for my husband, who gets the scraps from BM, who is local and very keen in asserting herself as the one who is to be honored (as I've seen it referred to here-very apt metaphors). Bonus-DH and I have been married longer than he was married to BM. 

Anyway, I'm a person who is done being hurt and marginalized. I've had enough of that in my life and don't want any more of it. So, my plans to cope are:

1. Be polite but offer no unsolicited help.

2. Take walks. Lots of them.

3. Read/do what I usually do when I have vacation time to myself. 

4. Interact with SGD if approached by her (she's 3 now, and this is how I typically interact with children, particularly when they aren't familiar with me). Same goes for other SD, her husband, and BM.

5. Take walks (oh, I already said that)

6. We will have a car, so offer to do errands for DH as opportunity presents. Or just go for a drive-I enjoy driving. 

7. Just be wife and stepmom for boys. Our relationship is good. 

8. Take my meds (I have anxiety, especially social anxiety and this situation will necessitate I don't skip days).

Other suggestions for how to enjoy my vacation in such an awkward situation?  Thanks in advance. 

lulu's mom's picture

Not other SD. Not sure where the extra word came from. Only the one SD.

tog redux's picture

Any local attractions you'd like to see? There are always things to do, even in small towns, that are often very interesting. 

Google: Things to do in X Town - you'd be surprised at the local gems you can find.