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So you're going crazy in lock down and you want us to take your toddler?

Stepmom2020's picture

SD is an adult with a toddler. She only calls "daddy" when she needs something. When she called yesterday, I knew something was up. I floated around the room listening...then came the pause..."just a minute...I'll ask your SM"...my 70 plus, and not healty DH says "We have nothing to do right? Let's drive 200 miles and pick SGD up and give SD a break." I say "NO!" Wow! I can't believe that that came out of me. He didn't talk to me for several hours. Oh well. I'm sick of SD being so thoughtless of her dad's health. These posts, and you wonderful people in the same boat have finally given me a back bone after 35 years. Now, to stick with it. Thank you.

Kes's picture

Well done for doing, not only the right thing for you and him but for the health of everyone.  Here in the UK, over 70s and people with health issues must stay in their homes and get food delivered, not supposed to go anywhere.  I can't believe the number of reports on here of people being stupid with theirs and everyone else's health. 

Winterglow's picture

Good for you! Is he out of his tiny mind? Idiot.

If he's bored, give him a mop, window cleaner, or anything else you might have handy and where he can make himself useful.

BTW, I noticed how he made it your fault ...

Winterglow's picture

Where I live, you'd have been stopped, sent home and fined because:

  • there is no valid reason to be making that trip,
  • there should not be two people on the move when one will do.

shamds's picture

grandfather and his wife responsible for stepgrandkid/grandkids because bio mum is having a rough time??

heck my husband is on the other side of the world from me working in essential services (snr vp of a bank) basically runs the whole bank nationally. I am stuck in another country over 4154 kilometers away (2581 miles) with a 4 yr old and almost 3 yr old on my own and a cranky elderly 80 something yr old dad who i’m convinced has been going senile since years ago and crosses the line so often from saying horrible things like “its my fault i miscarried my 3rd pregnancy”, “its my fault my kids are behind with their vocabulary and speech etc” and constant nagging.

i’m barely hanging on and so looking forward for this shit to end. Just last week it was a rough day where my dad for no reason loses his temper on my kids shouting (like I seriously thought he was so close to hitting one of my kids because he is always so hot tempered, while i was having a shower my daughter decided to jump on the bed and fell onto glass window and it cracked (had to have a glass repairer come out to replace it) I broke down in tears that evening in my room, never had dinner. I just cried in the dark corner for almost 2 hours because i was done and felt so alone. My 4 yr old daughter came and hugged me in the dark and i vented everything to hubby how done i was with all this and we’re banned from seeing one another for probably another 3-6 months as borders/flights haven’t opened up and probably won’t for a few more months apparently. We will likely not be spending religious holidays again this year (2nd year in a row) and i just feel like when i finally can fly overseas (which i was meant to yesterday but flights were all cancelled because of the pandemic), i just want to spend it with hubby, not his kids with exwife that i’ve had no contact with for years and for the most park ignore me and hubby until they need favours and daddy’s atm, I don’t want to go on any visits or holidays with his kids so they can ruin the mood and be their usual disrespectful self and shun us on a family trip. I just want to be there with hubby. 

we all have shit days, some worser than others but we cry it out or find some way to cope. If sd is having a rough time, where is the father of her kid? The way it is currently with lockdowns, most people are just having to suck it up but once lockdown is over, i feel alot would have already been re-evaluating their marriages and relationships and those not so great ones or where you have been treated like shit will more than likely end

Stepmom2020's picture

Oh Shamds, I'm so sorry. I whine when you have a real reason. I hope things get better for you and your children soon.

shamds's picture

You’re not responsible and neither is your husband for the grandkid because biomum is having a hard time and especially not at granddads age. He isn’t gonna have much patience if grandkid is out of control and pushing everyone’s buttons. 

My husband knows things have been real rough with me trying to hold down the fort, i married a businessman/banker with crazy hours. We’ve had really rough times because of the environment he brought me and my kids into and he has started gaining his voice more with skids because he knows his lack of parenting them and ensuring they do not treat us like shit is a major reason why i do not want to live in the same home with him and an adult stepson forever. 

Ss is turning 22 in 2 months, he has no intentions of ever moving out, the way things are, he is intending to live at home until he marries and bring his wife and kids into our marital home... thats not what I ever signed up for and to have a skid treat me as a maid/slave bitch and brag about it...

I have been telling hubby with covid, plenty of people will be re-evaluating their relationships because things that they were told or expected to suck it up for just isn’t gonna happen anymore. Any pathetic excuses are just that!! PATHETIC!!

its taken a pandemic for people to see life is too short to be made to tolerate a crap marriage, crap home environment and shitty behaved skids at all!! 

hereiam's picture

Drive 200 miles to give her a break from her own kid? During a pandemic, no doubt? Sure, as soon as my flying pig is done with his mud bath, I will jump on him and be right there.

Thumper's picture

I hope you and your husband stay healthy and well.

(((HUGS))))

Nope just a big old NOPE.

 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

It took me eighteen years to hit the wall, and we have members who did so at twenty or thirty years. You're in good company.

What's important is, you've made a start. Often the most difficult part is accepting that you can't rely/trust on your partner - not their judgement, or their willingness to put the marriage first. Once you accept that there is no first wall of protection provided by him, that's frees you up to make decisions that are best for you.

Let the man child pout. He was an a$$ to make you the bad guy, and I hope you'll address that with him at some point.

Stepmom2020's picture

Thank you everyone for your "You Go Girl" Cheer!  Clapping I choose to "disengage" with SD's request.

 

Stepmom2020's picture

SD is using our adult son's birthday (he lives close) to come vist 200 miles away but she can only stay for one night. I only heard 1/2 the conversation but she will be leaving her 3.5 yr old daughter with us for a "few days". My DH has not brought this up to me yet........FML.I cannot seem to disengage and feel so used by the SD. She only calls when she wants something. FYI to young step parents....this is a life time committment.

Merry's picture

So you've said no to caring for the child, yet your DH goes ahead and agrees anyway? When your DH does tell you about it (probably at the last minute) you can tell him that he is 100% responsible for the child since he knew that your position on having her, and he ignored that. Natural consequences.

He'll have fun cooking feeding, bathing, playing, with her. You read a book or go for a walk--frequently.

If your DH gets upset about it, so what? He made a decision knowing you'd be upset. So it's all on him.

Stepmom2020's picture

My adult son's contacted their sister and said are you crazy? NO!  This was after her baby daddy tested positve for this virus. She said she and daughter were fine as they didn't have a fever. I feel the burden lifted and I am not alone. Stupidity and selfishness walk hand in hand with sd.

Stepmom2020's picture

My DH is meeting 1/2 way with sgd's baby daddy to pick her up for a five day visit. I have no say in it. I was listening to DH today talk to SD over the phone, and requesting a later date...but it didn't work for her...so it's happening in two days...I was reminded of the conversations my DH use to have with his ex over the SD. Now it's a SGD. Good Lord....dejavu. Not sure if it's been 14 days since baby daddy went back to work after virus. I guess SD figures it's worth the risk of her compromised 71 year old dad, she sure as hell wouldn't consider me. FML

 

Rags's picture

Go check into a nice hotel until 14 days after the GSkid departs ... if .... your DH remains symptom free.

Never let a good crisis go to waste.  This is a perfect opportunity for you to have a nice three week vacation and .... send a very pointed message to DH with a scathing lecture every evening of GSkid's visit and the 14days after the GSkid says.  

Make sure to have daily massages, hit the spa for a nice make over, and order all of the best dishes on room service during your resort based Staycation.

smh.

I can't abide idiots.  Let your idiot DH/Grampa enjoy chasing a toddler around for 5 days and his exposure to all of the people your SD's family have interfaced with over the past two weeks since the GSkid will being carrying whatever any of them have bene exposed to.

smh

 

Stepmom2020's picture

Thank you Rags, I do plan to be disengaged. I do not have access to a spa but I do have friends with campers. I feel sorry for the sgd and I am pissed at the selfishless of the sd. Not surprised however.

Rags's picture

Order a lot of delivery gourmet food and have some nice dinners by the campfire with a great bottle of wine..... every evening.

Read some great books.

Campers can be very plush.  

Enjoy!

Take care of you.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Well, don't lift a finger to help that stupid old man. Let him handle everything gskid related. There could be a silver lining to this if he is allowed to fully experience the consequences of his choice. I hope he enjoys having to chase after and care for a toddler from dawn til well past dusk. Oh, the cooking, the messes, the laundry, the "accidents" and constant supervision required! Let him wear himself to exhaustion while you take care of you.

Years ago, DH volunteered US to take the gskids, aged two and five, for a week while OSD went on a cruise. He didn't consult me first. I made sure he paid dearly for that by sticking him with the five yo boy all day every day, with no breaks. Guess what? By day four or five, DH suddenly felt like he was "coming down with something", and called his ex to pick up the kids. Suuure DH.

Be ruthless, and let your H suffer while you take care of you. That's the only way these men learn.