Setting up the dreaded SD/SGK visit
Sigh. I knew it was going to be inevitable.
The dreaded time has come when I will have to spend SOME time with SD30, her DH and their two kids. We are taking a vacation to their location (several days driving) and my SO naturally wants to see them all. One of the grandkids he's only seen once and the other he hasn't met yet.
I disengaged from SD years ago and would like to keep it that way. Polite in person (when needed, and rare) but completely disengaged otherwise. I have not seen her in three years, thankfully.
We are not staying with SD and will have our own lodgings about 20 minutes away from her house. The trip to that area will be about five days in total.
Here's my plan and I hope it works. If anyone spots any flaws or has suggestions, let me know!
I will go to the initial "meet and greet" at their home when we first get there so I can do a little obligatory cooing over the two kids. (I have not met either of them.) I purchased a small toy/gift for each which is what I would do if visiting anyone else with kids BTW. I will sit there politely, not initiate any conversation and will make appropriate compliments about kids when warranted. Otherwise I plan to smile like Mona Lisa and say nothing.
I have friends in that area who are excited about my visit, really want to see me and I've already made tentative arrangements to meet with them. I have casually mentioned this to my SO, "Oh, Suzy wants to meet up with me. I will plan to get together with her while you spend that day visiting with SD and your grandkids!" What I have not told him yet is that this will probably extend to three friends - meaning three days I won't be around. At all.
My SO has set up one day at the end of our visit to go out to eat with her bunch for a birthday celebration. I will go to that. My plan is the initial visit, and the dinner at the end. Nothing more.
I'm just trying to figure out how to thwart my SO's eventual pouting that I won't be at his elbow the entire time while he gushes over his grandkids, worships SD and all the while, expects me to be nothing more than an audience to it all.
At this stage all I can think of is, "Oh, you get such little time with your daughter and your grandkids. Every minute is precious and you should focus on that. You don't need me there to take away even one minute of that time!"