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The Royal Visit

still learning's picture

DH was helping a friend with a remodel project at his home and was going to stay for dinner afterwards. About halfway through the job ss30 calls and says, "Hey dad can we come over?" DH told his friend he had to go because his son and grands were coming over and if he didn't see them now he wouldn't see them for another 6 months.  So DH drops everything and races off to get in a few hours visit with them.  

I get it, he wants to see the grands and even though they live a whole 10 mins away they are always too busy to see him. DH has to take the crumbs where he can get them.  I don't begrudge DH for his actions but I think he sets a really bad precedent of dropping the ball on others and accepting these random visits from ss.  DH has tried to schedule weekend bbq's, inviting ss and his family out, but they are always *too busy*.  If he had to reschedule the visit they would have canceled on him later. 

Luckily I wasn't home for the blessed visit, nothing against any of them but I'm not dropping everything just to see two kids run around my house and have to hear how amazing they are the entire time. They're cute nice kids but really overindulged. The parents are *too busy* to cook so they eat fast food from the drive thru a lot. Mr. 5 yr old just barely got potty trained because mom and dad were *too busy* playing on their phones.  The 4 of them live crammed in 1 bedroom in SDIL's parents basement because they're saving $$$ for their own place *wink wink*. But wait, they have to also pay for tattoos, a new car, expensive electronics for themselves and kids, special interest conventions, theme parks, convenience items. You name it, anything but moving out.  

After I got home DH went on and on about how special and amazing sgs's are. It's okay, it'll probally be at least 4 months before they come around again. DH will buy them all Christmas gifts and they may have time to come get them by St Patricks day if DH is lucky.  

Rags's picture

I hate that crap.  I am not sure what it is about my own parents that they have not joined the "my GKs walk on water" club.

My IL clan are all charter members of the club.  None of my IL clan nieces or nephew are particually noteworthy.  Except for the youngest (11mos) they are all lippy moody PITA crotch nuggets.  Thank God they aren't mine.  I would have put them out of my misery long ago.

I just don't get how a kid doing what every F-ing kid on the planet has done since the dawn of man is special.  Special takes far more than the usual. My eldest IL clan niece is getting pretty close to special... but right when she is about to get  there the admiration society kicks in and she starts believing her own press. 

IMHO of course.

I think I inherited this from my dad.   Unknw

still learning's picture

"I just don't get how a kid doing what every F-ing kid on the planet has done since the dawn of man is special."

Right? Telling a kid how special they are all the time kinda dilutes how special they really are.  The sgs's are very average kids. sgs10 is ADHD and throws tantrums like a 2 yr old and sgs5 is pretty normal in his hyperness and poor thing already wears coke bottle glasses.  I guess it's the grandparents job to think their grands are amazing but I'm just not in that club with gskids.  

NarcissisticSkids's picture

Lots like my situation- I will never figure it out- granted I love my adult children and grandchildren (all live in other states) they are super successful AND nice, giving, etc.....My DH is always ramming his kid (38) and grandson down my throat...THEY are sooo busy, terribly stressed out.....they have GOOD JOBS. Well guess what- you can have a really great job, and still be a DUD and a Narcissist A$$ as a person.....They never have time for DH they are sooo busy..Always all about them of course.....(live about 1 mile away) so my DH spends every waking moment bowing down to them, trying to buy them food, treats, gifts, etc, cause they are soooo stressed. DH would do anything for a crumb of attention from their table......This is soooooo terribly sad- he is enabling them to be even more Narcissistic and rude than they already are........

still learning's picture

Sounds just like my DH's situation, skids have time for everyone else but him.  This is his thanks for everything he's done and continues to do for them.  It's painful to watch how dismissively they treat him and how he keeps chasing and enabling.  

Letti.R's picture

I feel sorry for your husband.
Where I understand he wants to see his kids and grandkids, it is a pity that his son does it this way.
It makes your husband seem like an abused dog, who craves any kindness that he gets.
Luckily DH's gushing on the marvels that are his GKs will stop shortly and you won't be subjected to same for a few weeks or months.
(Makes me really sad for your DH.)

still learning's picture

"It makes your husband seem like an abused dog"

Exactly, and that's why I've pretty much disengaged from the situation. It's just awful to see how they toy with him, dangling gskids in front of him then canceling because they're sooooo busy in their important little lives.  

Thumper's picture

NOPE we are not a member of the GKids walk on water club either.  Of course kids are cute....but.....they have parents to raise them, watch them. And its not us. We still have minors in our home too.

We travel as much as we can when time allows... and we love it. What is so funny is our chit chats with other Grandparents during our travels. They ALLLL say the same stuff--"Oh geeze the kids are coming here tomorrow with the grandkids. They are staying 2nights THEN leaving...cant wait until it's over. Dont get me wrong we love our gkids but its just too much"

OP I have seen the Gp's who grand kids "oopp''s I mean "GRAN BABIES" take up all their waking time. It's crazy. To me that tells me they dont have anything outside a very small circle in their life.

They need a RV or couples rig with 1 bedroom and a pull out sofa. Travel around a little. There is a very big world out there. Shouldn't begin and end with toddlers.

"sorry for your troubles" as one Starker will say.

Please dont get sucked into this mess. Start planning trips!!!!



still learning's picture

I still have minors at home too so it makes doting on gskids a bit harder.  Being mom who has to discipline, make kids do chores and homework, conflicts with DH's grandparenting style of being amazed at everything they do, letting them run wild, and feeding them sugar.  

NarcissisticSkids's picture

Beginning of the end for me was last year when Narcissistic Skid’s Narcissistic wife explained to DH and I that we had “ lots of spare time on our hands” and why cant we pick up spoiled 3 yr old grand skid a few days a week so the pooooor baby doesn’t have to spend much time in day care—-after all, she is verrrrryyyy busy with her job....I just sat and stared at her with my mouth open BC I could not believe anyone could have that much GALL to decide what I should do with the little bit of spare time I have. My lovely DH fell right into line with her request—“ why what a great idea-!!! WE would love to do that”....(HE would love to do that)...Since that moment I have been placed in the back seat (or the trunk maybe) while skid and his wife are in the driver seat, DH Is the passenger...etc, you get the picture....I am getting pretty tired of taking a back seat to them...of course when I do speak up, why —how dare I?? Why to I hate them so much? Why dont I want to help them.... They are under so much of stress...I should be giving them a break....It never gets any easier........


Rags's picture

So, quit participating. Let G-PAW deal with taht crap.  Join a gym, hit a spa, go see a movie during the S-skid invasion hours.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Let G-PAW suffer. There is no need for you to join his idiotic engagement with toxic toddler pain.

still learning's picture

But don't you want to do unpaid daycare in your spare time? I got the same request from SDIL a while back, she actually did daycare in her home but wanted me to come over 3x a week for a few hours so that I could watch all the kids while she went to a class.  I was pretty firm in my H#LL NO!  That I work, have my own kids, have lots to do and don't have several hours a week for unpaid nannying.  I honestly couldn't believe she would even ask, a one time thing, yeah I'll help her if I can but ongoing, no.  She lives with parents, her sister and she's best friends with BM yet I'm the one who gets the babysitting requests.  

notasm3's picture

I am SO thankful that my DH is not one who salivates over the grandchild.  I know that he cares about him.  Occassionally when we are out he will buy something cute that he likes for the child.  Like a little Halloween book that he found the other day - it was only about $6.  

When I banned SS34 and the GF (Baby Mamma) from our home and my life - the GF tried to tell DH that he could not see the grandchild because DH wouldn't "make me behave".   She couldn't believe that she could not have access to use my vacation home (that I owned long before I met DH) when they wanted to use it. That didn't work at all for her.

still learning's picture

"DH wouldn't "make me behave".

Tell SDIL that you and DH take turns making each other behave Wink