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Husband cancelled our trip for 2 year olds birthday party

bedazzled's picture

So DH, His brother, his sister, and I had a trip planned. SD's spawn is turning 2 a few days before we are leaving. SD and her husband deceided to take a trip for their anniversary. So they moved the spawns birthday party for when we are gone. So DH cancells the trip for all of us because he has to be at the party. He cannot miss it. So, I told DH I am still going to take a trip by myself then. I am going to use my flight to go somewhere else. Why should I stay home. I am not allowed at the party anway.So I am going to VEGAS with my niece !!!!!!!!

hereiam's picture

Wow. I would be pissed. He just decided, for everybody, to cancel the trip? What do his siblings think about this?

bedazzled's picture

His brother has early Alzheimers he has always want to go see the Alamo. We also were going to see someone else down there also. So, DH just made the call for everyone. His sister is still going to go because she already made arrangements to visit a friend. He really did not even give his brother a choice or say in the matter. He did not give me a choice either. 

When I questioned him on it, he started his gaslighting. Saying I had no right to tell him he couldn't go to his grand spawns birthday. I never said that. I just asked him if he could celebrate with the kid when we got back. I am sure that SD put the pressure on him and used BM against him. I can bet she said something like "well don't worry about it Mom and Stepdad will be here, I'll just tell everyone that you were to busy." 

I am sure it will matter so much to a 2 year old that he wasn't there. Last year they had 2 parties and DH was required to attend both. It is going to cost DH alot in cancelled flights and hotels. LOL

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Wow, that is sh!tty!! Why don't ALL of you - except for DH - keep your plans and go? He's being a total buttmunch. A 2yo is NOT going to remember who was at that party or if it was even celebrated before/on/after the actual date. Sheesh.

bedazzled's picture

His brother won't go without him. He has early Alzheimers. I don't know if I could handle him myself. His sister is going early to stay with a friend a couple of day.  Her husband is already down there. He coaches at a college down there. We were all going to see his team play. So she will stay with him for the rest of the time.  I would have BIL by myself. It would be uncomfortabel if he had any problems.   We don't know how much longer he will be able to travel with us. We were doing this for him so he could see the Alamo and watch his BIL's team play. This is BIL's last year coaching. 

DH  and SD really are showing who they really care about. Like everyone says 2 yo won't have any idea of who is there. This kid is the 2nd coming so last year they had to have 2 parties. 50+ at each party. DH was required to attend both. 

I am surprised the parties didn't make national headlines!  LOL 

I am going on my own trip. Already got the reservations. Going to my Nieces in Phoenix then we are driving to Vegas for the weekend. I am going to have a great time with fun people. DH can stay home, take care of the house and dogs and make sure that he shows up for All the parties. He can be there all by himself as I am not invited. Maybe BM, Stepdad and he can bond! They can see what a loser his is since he can't stand up to SD. Hope he has fun!! I am going to have a great time!!!!!!!!!!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Well, crud. He has a very short time to make meaningful memories with his brother. The kid is 2yo and will likely not remember a darn thing about this stupid party. Effed up priorities, IMO. Sad

Hope you have a fun-tastic time in Vegas and at least win enough to pay for the trip!!

bedazzled's picture

The old me would have just stayed at home. The new me is going. I told DH I cancelled it all. I am not going to tell him I am going until maybe a week before I go. 

When we were first together. SD move to California for work. We had planned a trip out there to see her. I had no idea but SD threw a hugh tempe tantrum that I was coming with DH. I had bought 3 tickets to the baseball team there for us. So, about 2 days before we were suppose to leave. DH informed me that I was uninvited that SD did not want me coming. He was taking SS with him instead.  He proceded to gaslight me and make it my fault. He said that I didn't want him to be able to spend time with his kids by himself. They all used the tickets I bought. Never so much as a thank you from either adult skid. SD put pictures all over facebook of her and "her guys". She really is a sick woman. She ended up only staying there maybe 3 months. It is such a shame that she came back. 

DH is really the master of gaslighting. It is no wonder that I am his 3rd wife.  My days of sitting around waiting for him to throw me and anyone else under the bus for his spawn is over. This is just the beginning of me doing for me now.!!!!!!!!!!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Congratulations on the new you! Frankly, I wouldn't tell him until the day before. Or maybe text him from the plane. AFTER you land.

Question... if he's such a gaslighting butthead, WHY do you stay?? Gaslighting is a dealbreaker for me.

bedazzled's picture

When his kids are not around we have a good time together.  At my age I still want someone to do things with. I work for him so I would lose my job also. 

TrueNorth77's picture

He uninvited you and used your baseball tickets?? What a dick!! It is a wonder you have stayed. I live to travel and have new adventures. If my SO was cancelling those and causing me to miss out on things, I would be really upset. I don't know if we would make it through that. Sorry you are dealing with that....

bedazzled's picture

I think that he will be really surprised when I still go. out of town.  There is no way I was going to just stay here and be at home while he spends the weekend celibrating the 2nd comings birthday. I feel worse for my BIL. I can't beleive that DH would do that to him. That is really sad. That really says who DH is. The kid will have lots more birthdays that he will actually remember. BIL doesnt have that much time left that he will be able to go anywhere.If DH ends up like his brother I won't be so quick to do things I know he wanted to do. He doesn't have that same consideration for his brother. 

I always thought that the Skids got there narcissism for BM. They did get some but I see now that most of it came form DH. 

I stay because I can't afford not to. I work lots of hours so I can put away money. 

Rags's picture

Please move on and let him gaslight the spot in his life where you used to be.  Take care of you.

TrueNorth77's picture

Good for you!! I am going to Vegas in Sept! Also, SD planned the party knowing you were gone. Obviously she's fine if your DH isn't there, so who cares? Your DH ruined everyone else's trip because of this? I'm sure this 2yr old would be sooo upset if your DH wasn't there.....

bedazzled's picture

DH is so afraid of his narcisstic SD that he knows she probably would not let him see spawn any more if he doesn't play by her rules

There is no way that I was not going to go somewhere, even if I had to go by myself. I am going to have a great time without DH!!!! No way was I going to sit at home while he shoved his head even farther up SD A@@.

Both myself and DH are going to find out that I can have a great time without him and I don't need to stay at home and wait for him. 

Have fun in Vegas!!!

Rags's picture

DH facilitates his toxic spawn.  Until he pulls his head out of his ass nothing will change.  She plays him, he plays you.  Not something I would tolerate for one more second were i you.

ndc's picture

It's hard to believe your H is a big enough asshole to do that to his brother, and ruin what might be his last opportunity to see the Alamo.  It must be hard for you to have any respect for him at all.  I'm sure the Karma bus will have no trouble finding him, as SD will surely treat him like he's treating his brother in the not-too-distant future.

Have fun on your Vegas trip!

disrestep's picture

I feel bad for you because your DH is a chump. I don't even know him and don't like him already. On the other hand, I am happy for you in the positive way you are dealing with the whole situation.

Your adult SD sounds just like the nasty one I am blessed to ignore. What your DH did sounds like something my then boyfriend/now DH would do to me. Every time there was a Skid event or skids planned something, boyfriend would cancel our plans last minute, tell me skids didn't want me around, and proceed to do whatever they wanted. I sat home way too many times waiting for him; and like you I just was done with it all - just like that. I guess you come to a realization that you have choices. So, why not make the choice that is best for you.

Remember, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas...Ha,ha! You have a great time. I hope you meet someone decent so you can kick your gaslighting DH to the curb, and rid your life of his toxic spawn. I'd tell my DH ahead of time my plans for vacation and let him sit and stew while I get all ready for vacation, hair done, nails done, new clothes, exercise and the like. Let him squirm.

It is sickening how the adult skids think the world revolves around their kids and one is to worship their kids like they are the second coming. Ugh, self-entitled nightmare they are.

Save your money in a separate account if you need to get away from him one day. Best of luck to you.

amyburemt's picture

Enjoy vegas!! What a jerk! so sad that he also lost that opportunity with his brother who may not be the same when it comes time for another trip. All for a 2 year old who won't remember the party anyway.

Harry's picture

He Waites for the last minute to tell you, so you can not do anything but sit at home.  That controlling!!!   I am sure he’s is going to be upset with you going to Vagas,  Because you will be having more fun then him.  You will be having a good time when he is stuck with SD and her sh@@.   Remember to tell him when you get home what a good time you had, what stars you met in the casino, ect. “ But you know, really can’t talk about it “ 

Too old for this's picture

The fact that you were not included compounds my disgust at his conduct.  It is imperious and controlling to cancel.  But to do so for an event that excludes you is over-the-top disrespectful.

Think about this while in Vegas.