Grandkids birthday parties with his ex, at her home
My step daughter continues to opt to hold the grandkids birthday parties at her mother's home, my husbands ex wife. The first year, when the boy turned 2 (this actually happened when we were engaged), I agreed to go and give it a try. Agreeing that if it was uncomfortable, that I could say I tried and would not have to go through that again. Well it went horribly. Everyone was tense. I later heard from another step daughter and an external party how the ex wife had complained that she hadn't wanted us there. I really do not blame her. My then finace and I discussed it and said we wouldn't go through that again. We even discussed it with our pastor in our pre-marital counselling sessions. The pastor told him he needs to put his new wife first....
Last year this happened again. My husband talked to his daughter and told her how this makes us feel. He told her we have no issues having a joint party but we would feel better is it was at a neutral place. She seemed to understand but that party was already planned so we did not attend. We spent another evening with them instead.
Here we are again, now with a first birthday party for the second grandson and again she is holding it at his ex wife's. I expressed my distraught feelings and disbelief that we continue to go through this and it is very upsetting for me. When my husband talked to his daughter, now she says she didn't ask for her parents to divorce so we should just suck it up. Now my husband is feeling caught in the middle. He is a people pleaser so he says he will just go even though he doesn't want to. I told him that I feel it is disrespectful, to him, me and the mom's new husband. She says she doesn't feel she needs to have 2 parties. We don't expect two parties, just have it elsewhere!
I feel that until she has gone through divorce and knows how it feels, she cannot begin to understand how awkward it is to go into the ex wife's home. I think my step daughter needs to respect her parent's choices that they divorced and are both remarried. Am I totally wrong here and having blinders on? Am I wrong that I feel this should be a non-issue since we had agreed on this before we married?