The Ever Changing Title
ss26 and his family came up two weeks ago and it was a nice visit. They hadn't been to our home for about 8 months. They live a whopping 10 minutes away but are always "too busy" to see DH. ss26 works at a call center and his wife is a SAHM. Not exactly 80 hrs a week jet setting CEO's. Oh but they're so busy DH says. well, his drama not mine.
The gskids call DH Grandpa or Grandpa first name. With me it changes every. single. visit. Every visit ss26 asks me what I want to be called and there is this awkward conversation with gskids that I am Grandma first name, or just first name. Then gskids sometimes mess up and call me Grandma BM and ss26 always smirks, chuckles and never corrects them. Way to encourage very awkward and confusing behavior ss26! I really don't care what gskids call me as long as it's not grandma BM. I don't need a title to enjoy their company. My answer is always the same, "Whatever you're comfortable with." I guess ss26 isn't comfortable with either since he keeps flopping back and forth.
I care for the little guys but don't consider them MY grandkids, they are DH's grandkids. sgs8 is ss26's skid so not genetically related but sgs4 is DH's descendant and it shows. DH favors sgs4 and is a bit grumpy with sgs8. I enjoy them both and just want a fun visit without any unnecessary drama.
I'm sure we won't see them again for awhile. Maybe once in the summer and then around the holidays when the cycle of "Who are you again?" and "Gah, what do we call this outsider?!" will start again. I get that it's awkward for skids to incorporate a new "Grandma" into their kids lives. I mean they already have a REAL grandma who is BM and we can't infringe upon her throne can we? In no way do I want to take BM's place or be THE grandma. I really just want to enjoy them when they're at my home and not go out of my way much more than that. Lazy I know but that's about all I have the bandwith for now.
I honestly think ss26 is trying to be cool about the whole thing but it's obvious he's clueless. I don't want to make things awkward for him or gskids or insert myself into their lives more than is welcome but I also don't want to distance myself either by saying "Nope, not the grandma." I'd love to hear how those of you who have a semi friendly relationship w/skids and gskids handle the name game and if your *status* as grandma suddenly changes how do you handle that?
***To add, we have been
***To add, we have been married 5 1/2 years. Well before sgs4 was even born so it's not like I'm the flavor of the month!
Stop giving them the power
Why not choose a name for yourself and stick to that ?
It can be nana or gran or your first name - but you need to pick it and stick to it. When they make a mistake and call you grandma bm then you need to correct them sweetly but firmly
Nana's already taken by SDIL
Nana's already taken by SDIL's mother. That set of grandparents is Nana and Papa. But yes, I may just have to be grandma first name and stick with it even though I don't loooove the title of grandma. My youngest is a pre teen so I'm still very much in mom mode.
When my own grandson was born
When my own grandson was born I made it known that I wanted to be called Grandma. OSD, who thinks everything is all about her always, thought I meant that she wanted her kids to call me that, when they have only ever called me by first first name. Anyway, once they found out the mistake things got back to normal, but now I'm disengaged I haven't seen the grandskids for more than six months. They don't need another grandparent in their lives- I'm me- end of.
The kids would probably love
The kids would probably love to call you grandma and it would be easier for their little brains. It's makes no sense to me why a parent would want to cut a positive loving person out of their kids lives. I mean the more grandmas and cookies the better right? I'm not as engaged as I used to be. DH does all the shopping, gift giving and remembering of birthdays now. I just show up for the visit if I feel like it.
DH's grandson was only a year
DH's grandson was only a year old when I booted SS33 and his GF out of my life so he wasn't calling anyone anything at that time. The GF's mother (who is almost 30 years younger than I am) is obsessed with this grandchild. She keeps him all weekend every week. Which hopefully will be a good thing for that poor child. She's very possessive of him.
The GF has restricted DH's access to the child because he won't make me let her use my homes. She honestly wrote that to DH in a FB message. DH has never mentioned that to me. I just saw it because he had me check his messages before he ditched FB.
I don't know what SS's BM's role is in his life. She doesn't post any pictures or anything on FB even though she's on it a lot. So maybe she's been cut off too.
If I'd been asked what I should be called I'd have said Mrs. DHlastname - even though I don't use DH's name.
I know bio grandmothers who are called Minnie, Mimi, GiGi, etc. Lots of things besides Granny, grandma, YaYa, etc.
When I met gskids over 5
When I met gskids over 5 years ago I tried to get them to call me "your highness", but ss didn't find it as funny as I did
SD's grandmother is Gammy.
SD's grandmother is Gammy. My GD calls me Na-na.
Do you have a preference as
Do you have a preference as to what a step grandkid would call you or would you leave it up to the parents to decide?
I started teaching her Na-na
I started teaching her Na-na when she was an infant, it was easiest for her to say. Just decide what you want to be called and commit to it.
So many choices: Mimi, Yaya, Gigi, Nana, Grammie, Gammy, Grams, Mawmaw, Bomma, Meme, etc.
I take the other tac. I enforce what children call me
and it is either Sir or Mr. Rags. So, you pick what the GSkids will call you. What their parents want them to call you is irrelevant.
When and if we become GParents... we will work that out but and for damned sure I will have sole decissioning authority on that.
Good for you Sir Rags! Love
Good for you Sir Rags! Love the take charge attitude. I came into the situation with the idea that the parents should decide and I didn't want to step on their toes or *gasp* usurp the bio grandparents throne. Funny thing is that the parents still can't decide. I think their indecision is really their decision. I'm sure they don't ask BM what she wants to be called every freaking visit. They'd probably love me to be just "first name" but the gskids have minds of their own and have been calling me some version of grandma for this long. Think I'll stick w/grandma first name but when/if I have bio grandkids it's going to be anything but granny or grandma!
All of the GKs call my parents the same thing.
My eldest nephew (my parents 3rd GK) coined the term Deema for my mother. He was just learning to talk and couldn't say Gramma which is what my SS (~5yo at the time) and my niece (~3yo at the time) were calling her. So when the toddler aged nephew burst forth with "Deema" that is what she instantly and eternally was. By default that saddled dad with "Deepa". Titles they both choose to embrace.
These things work themselves out IMHO. That nephew recently turned 21yo so they have been Deema and Deepa for ~20 years.
My grandmothers were far more formal. They were Grandmother or Grandmother (First name). My dad's mom only let him call her Mother. That was it. My grandfathers were far more laid back. One was Granddad and the other was Granddaddy (First name).
I was in Walmart this week
I was in Walmart this week and saw SDIL and her sister shopping. SDIL and I chatted for a few minutes then SDIL says to the sister "Oh you know still learning, she's ss26's....um..." SDIL didn't finish the sentence but got real interested in some clothes she was looking at. Then the sister says, "Oh yeah, I remember you."
Some backstory, I've babysat for sdil and the sister a few times. The sister has been to our house for a summer cook out so it's not like she'd never seen me before yet that's her reaction anytime she comes in contact w/me, like I'm someone who should be forgotten until I'm of use to her.
Again here I am faced with this awkward non person status. Omigod what do we call you? Who are you and what are you doing intruding upon our family?! We've only discussed this every single time we've seen you for the past 5 1/2 years...we're so confused!!!
Think I'm going to make us some bogus titles to fill in the awkward silences. SDIL, "Oh you know still learning, she's ss26's...er..um..." Me: "Lead Impact Consult on Familial Discontent" or "External Coordinator of DH's Pleasure ASSurance" "DH's Wife V.2 the Upgrade".
Awkward non-person- just
Awkward non-person- just about sums it up, and the way social norms have not adapted to give status to step-parents. Now I really am a non-person, as I just refer to them all as the X's.
I know being a stepgrandFATHER
is easier than being a stepgrandMOTHER, but we called my stepgrandad Grandpa Dave. My "real" Grandpa I never met since he had r-u-n-n-o-f-t.
SGKs call me by my first name
SGKs call me by my first name. When oldest was born, step son in law announced that his kids only had two grandparents - his mom and DH. (other bio grandparents were deceased). So I guess I'm some combination of grandpa's live in (son in law has said people shouldn't remarry as it's disrespectful to the deceased spouse) and one of the lower servants in a Victorian drama.
I figure - their kid, their choice. They've chosen for me not to be Grandma so I accommodate them and don't do grandma things for them.
Step SIL sounds like a piece
Step SIL sounds like a piece of work.
SDIL is alright, she's
SDIL is alright, she's actually a cool girl. It's really just this issue and the overt loyalty to BM that makes things weird. She's only parroting what ss is doing to "protect" his mothers throne.
Name game
I guess I'm lucky bc all 6 sgkids call me Gramma. Their biogm died before any of them were born. One gd did tell me that I wasn't her real grandmother. She was 8. It didn't bother me. We only see her and her brother once a year or so. It's hard to feel a connection to someone in another state. Dh doesn't like to travel anymore. So they have to come here.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FEnw-TDuwn0
This vid is hilarious and pertains to thread
That was funny thanks for
That was funny thanks for sharing! Just the other day a co worker told me about the "It's a Southern thing" vids. I think it'll be more my choice when/if my bios have kids.
SD has never even uttered my name to me.
Not once in almost 15 years! So I have no expectation that her future child will call me anything, either. Which is fine by me, since I have no intention of having any kind of relationship with the baby since I am disengaged from SD. I will be looking at the child like I would an acquaintance's. A small gift at the birth and a polite inquiry now and again, but nothing more.
I sure won't be putting my heart into it as it will undoubtedly be broken. Seen it too much on here with sgskids being used as pawns.
I was never asked
What I wanted to be called, they just call me by my first name and DH is grandad. The 3 year old just says "Hey" and pulls on my shirt because he doesn't know what to call me I guess.