Didn’t sign up to be a caregiver
I have four stepkids: SD is 26, SSs are 25, and two who are 24.
Three are married with children. My oldest step son is 25, he lives in Canada with his wife and 2 daughters, so we never see them, we have seen them about ten in the four years since he's graduated college and moved there, my husband has gone to NY more times then that to see them when they visit his ex, to see the grandkids. My youngest step son is married to a Austrian and they live there, they have a two year old, and DH goes there to see his granddaughter, they visit about three times a year, but usually go visit my husband's ex.
Here's the issue, of course it's my SF. she married a widower with a two year old. She's a flight attendant, she married an Irishman (almost escaped all stepgrandma responsibilities, but of course, he has to live and work in America), he is a software engineer. He is 32, I think, they now have a four month old son, and and his two year old daughter. My SD has adopted her husband's child. they just relocated to a city about 25 miles from DH and I. She is has just returned to work, and her husband is working from home for a while, but is now going into his firm to work staring September, he will have daycare provided by his work starting the . Their son is a tiny baby, their daughter is a monster (who I honestly don't understand why my DH feels a connection to, she is not his granddaughter biologically, but I know that is just me, because I don't like children)
Anyway, DH desperately wants to assist with taking care of the kids while his son-in-law works for now, as his son-in-law is struggling with balancing working from home and watching the kids. I have made it clear I DO NOT want any small children in our home, and may make an exception for his grandson, as it is his biologically, but I do not want my SD's 'daughter' in my house during the day. My DH is taking it extremely personally, and saying O'm being unreasonable, but has ageeed to my terms. Now his daughter has said we cannot okay favorites with her kids. If we are going to take one a few hours a week, we need to take both.
I am torn up about it, DH knows I hate children but he feels he risks his relationship with his daughter if he stands his ground and says we are only willing to watch her son and not the girl toddler. What should I do?