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DH can't do it alone....

Stepmom2020's picture

My DH insists on watching his granddaughter even when I say no. SD (lives a couple hours away), leaves her for up to 6 days every other month, and it'd be more but we can't physically do it. Baby daddy and sd live in the same house, but have moved on with other mates. My sgd is really struggling with this, still in diapers and almost 4. Very sweet little girl but we have to rely on help from other family members who live near by. Not asking for advice like "leave the house" as my DH really enjoys the visits and needs my help due to health and age. I'm just venting, I thought the frustration would be over once the sd was an adult. SD never stays with us, drops and runs. It's a mini vacation for her and baby daddy. Christmas should be interesting. Last year she wasn't coming so I mailed everything (never a thank you), then she came at the last minute and I had to run out and buy "stuff" for them to open. Thanks to this forum, I've learned to disengage. I'm not planning or doing anything this year. I will leave it to my DH.

tog redux's picture

NO is a complete sentence. And doors lock. Why are either of you allowing this? 

ETA: OP, your nos aren't nos. You say no and then do it anyway. You say he can't do it without you, so you have all the power here.

ndc's picture

As long as you keep helping, this will keep happening.  Your NOs aren't NOs if you stay and help. You need to either withdraw completely and have your husband handle it on his own, or continue helping and tell yourself you're doing it for your husband, who enjoys the visits, and not for your ungrateful SD.

Merry's picture

What's your goal? Have the visits stop completely, or to minimize your role in the visits?

If you're ok with the occasional visit, figure out what you want to do and what you don't. Then talk through what that looks like with your DH. You'll make lunch, read a bedtime story, take SGD for a walk or something else out of the house once a day, or whatever it is you are willing to do. THEN STICK TO IT. If DH needs more help than you are willing to provide, then he needs to arrange it with other relatives or a babysitter.