I need some advice and HELP!!!
So glad I found this forum!!! I have 4 bio-children and 2 step children. My issues as most of you are with my step-kids. In particular my 14 1/2 yr old SD. I have been in her life since she was 4. Her dad and I are not married, but have been together for 11 years.
I come from a VERY un-affectionate family. I was not hugged as a child or adult by my parents. I was sexually abused as a child and I know I have ISSUES around this topic. that is why I am here to get insight into my situation.
First, let me explain that my SD was sexual abused by her Paternal Grandfather. and definitively has boundary issues. She has been in and out of counseling, I feel the counselors were not prepared to deal with sexual abuse and that her issues where not address well or at all really. At 14 she has developed breast and started her period. She seems to enjoy showing off her breasts, wears clothes that I deem inappropriate for a girl her age. She wears push up bras and low cut shirts...some of these shirts show so much cleavage that one more inch and her nipples would show. We do no buy her these clothes she gets them from friends. When she is lounging around the house, she often wears no bra and tank tops. Some of the tanks are very skimpy and you can often see right through them. I've discussed this with her, and her father. Neither of them seems to care much if I don't mention it. When I do he often ask her to change. and I appreciate that, but!!! it still goes on OFTEN! Also the SD once informed me that she is now known at school by the nick name BB for big boobs!
There are things that happen between them that concern me. for instance...they used to kiss on the lips. I explained my past issues and why I feel it's not appropriate. Her dad has made it clear to her that a kiss on the cheek is how they should kiss. She still tries to kiss him on the lips anyways and when she kisses his cheek she will often do it several times and sometimes kiss his neck. She also has a habit of rubbing her breasts on him when she hugs him. He has agreed with me, he has noticed that also, and says he stops the hug when she does so. When they hug, their bodies are as close as they can get. He often is leaning with his back against the kitchen counter, her arms are around his neck. To me, it feels like this happens in the kitchen because they think i can't, or have less of a chance, to see them. Sometimes the hugs last WAY longer that I think they should. She appears to "hang on" him. They will stand in this embrace and talk for several minutes if uninterrupted. When or IF I walk into the room it stops...Last night it happened again, this time however, she was whispering in his ear and he was doing the same. I brought my concerns to him, he did his best to listen, however...it was more of a fight in my opinion. He told me the I way think scares him, and that the hugs they share are appropriate and that I'm the one with the issues. (Which very well maybe.. )That she is just an affectionate child. the SD and I do hug, and I do hug the other kids in the house. The hugs I share with the kids are quicker,I do not kiss them on the cheek or anywhere. My issue I know! ALL of this makes me very uncomfortable... I don't know what to do...