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Change in my feelings for my step son

Heaven22's picture

Recently I have honestly hated being around my step son. He was my world for the last eight years. Recently he has changed to a point I don’t recognize him and honestly can’t stand him. I’m about to finally marry his father but we are constantly fighting about his son. 

Today alone. I woke up and said alright we have got to get some back to school shopping done as the mother won’t . He was playing video games and ended up not being able to save for about 30 mins. So we waited outside for him to finish and everyone was ready. I came inside and he  was way past the save point. I made him shut it down and we left. Hell broke loose due to his tears and poor me attitude. We turned the vechicle around and came home and I got told “I was curious is being curious a crime”I didn’t do anything wrong, you never told me nothing. I don’t have to talk to you.”

I’m emotionally loosing it. No one in my life understands this step parent role. In the last three months I’ve been accused of beating his dad, being horrible to him to the point he is terrified of me because he got in a fight at school and was losing privlages.  my mom hates you so much, my mom would burn your wedding flowers, you not actually my step mom. 

Im starting to not like being around at all to the point I actually leave my own home just to avoid him. Anyone else had a really bad spell. We are about to get married and I’m terrified these feelings won’t leave now that they are here. This boy was my entire world and in the last year we just haven’t had any good moments no matter how hard I try. The only way I can get him to be nice is to give him what he wants and the second he has it I mean nothing again. Does this get better? His dad doesn’t understand because he isn’t the victim of the accusations and the constant mean comments. When his son does these things his son always turns the blame that I was mean in my tone, I didn’t tell him anything. It’s at a point his rules are on his wall and he still tells me I didn’t know. I’m frustrated , upset and just hope to god this is a faze and it gets better. Any advice would be appreciated! 

elkclan's picture

This may be a phase. A teen phase that lasts for years, unfortunately. You need to get on same page as dad, or rather dad needs to get on the same page as you. Making everyone wait is not ok. And clear rules need to be established around those video games. Those things are addictive but video games do not come above other people. 

tankh21's picture

My OSS teamed up with BM to try to get me to leave my DH. It is not just a phase with this kid. He is just like the BM because that is what she has taught him and he thinks it's ok be a snake to people. I will never trust him. It can be a phase for some kids though. Since you have been around the kid for the last 8 years and he changed then I would say he is just being a typical teenage kid.

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

That the more kids play video games, the crappier their attitude. Maybe try limiting screen time and not allowing video games to dictate your schedule. I would have lost my everloving mind if one of my kids told me to wait for their save point.

Step-girlfriend's picture

Your DH allows this kid to talk to you like that?? Oh helll no. I would do one of 2 things (or both)- Tell your DH that he needs to stop his kid when he talks to you like that and make sure he knows that it's not ok to talk to adults like that. It's making you miserable, and he is a CHILD, he should not be allowed to be disrespectful to you. Or, tell him yourself.

I have an SS12 and SD9- they do not talk to me like that, nor would it fly if they tried. We get along well, but still. Once SD was telling me that when they were at BM's they were singing a song about me that had something to do with me walking (I go for walks a lot at night). The song was making fun of me, although I'm not sure SD realized that. Anyway, it hurt my feelings that they were going along with BM, because BM was most certainly doing it to be mean, even if skids weren't. I mentioned it to my SO, and he lost his shit on those kids. I even tried to defend them and said I don't think they meant to be mean, and he said he didn't care and they are plenty old enough to know better, and there was no way they were going to make fun of me.  A few minutes later they came to me almost in tears and apologized, cause SO made them. It showed them that they can't be disrespectful. But even if they were and SO wasn't around, I would make damn sure they knew It wasn't going to be tolerated. Next time SS says "you aren't my stepmom", or is disrespectful or rude, I would walk in his room and grab the power cord for his video games and tell him he is not going to talk to you like that, and he can have it back when he learns to be respectful and talk to people decently.  Stand up for yourself girl!

SS has tried to make us wait while he is mid-video game. It doesn't work. We tell him to turn it off NOW.

Rags's picture

Phase or not... it is time to adopt the total confrontation and destruction methodology for anyone in the toxic blended family opposition and that includes the SKid. if necessary.

Take  his gaming system and computer to the driveway and run them over with the car. Do not replace them.  If BM or STBDH replace them...   lather,  rinse,  repeat with the replacements until he pulls  his head out of his ass and complies with reasonable standards of behavior in your home.

Demand that your STBDH recovers his balls from the purse of his XW and never again tolerates any manipulative crap from her or from their shared toxic crotch nugget(s).

If STBDH does not immediately adapt to your demands.... call a locksmith, re-key the locks and boot this shallow and polluted gene pool to the curb.

The excuses for tolerating this kind of behavior are nearly infinite... there are NO valid reasons for this crap to be tolerated. Do not waste your time with the why, do not waste your time with working through the "phase".  Just apply escalating age appropriate painful consequences until you force compliance. A 10yo is long past an age where inappropriate behavior should be tolerated and also far past the age where immediate and escalating unpleasant consequences should be applied.  He complies or  he lives a life of abject misery. If he complies he gets normal though not overly pleasant. He exceeds the standards... then he can start to have a more pleasant existence.  It works... try it.