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At the wits end with SD13 and DH

Lanibug851's picture


My DH is two faced when it comes to SD13 who lives with us. DH works away from home a fair bit and does long hours running his own flooring business when he is at home, so when he ask me to "manage" SD13 cause he will be away or he will just not have the time with chores, school, pocket money, punishment etc etc I was hesitant cause I'm only 29 years old and don't have my own childern (for medical reasons, not by choice

Lanibug851's picture

most of it got cut out!?!, here is the rest of it......

and the BM is an crazy stupid bitch, he has 3 with her and none of them live with her cause she is to busy drinking and going out, she is only there for her children when it suits her, not to mention she hates me with a passion and loves to stir shit between me, DH and their kids (he said she said bullshit)SD13 and I get along most of the time but when she does get in trouble and punish with either grounded or no phones, no friends, no pocket money, more chores etc etc but sometimes and happens more then one occasion, DH comes home from work and lets her off her punishment without really knowing what happen cause when i tried to tell me what happen he interrupts saying ' you run with what you think needs to be done about it' i shake my head and say ok but always over rules me later, i get frustrated and say 'whatever' and move on. but this fortnight he says pissed me off soo much i put a active volcano to shame.... while DH was away with work, SD13 was caught swearing and bullying people on her phone (which has happen before in the past hence the phone check)so I took away her phone and grounded her for 2 weeks. But weekend just gone, we had family show up and I know how “fun” family events are for a 13 year old so I gave her a choice, just for the weekend she can have either her phone or friend but after the weekend the grounding continues she agree with no attitude and chose a friend. Everything was going fine until the BM arrange for this weekend to take SD13 down the coast for the weekend without telling us and BM knows she is grounded. I said no cause of 3 reasons 1. BM can’t just decide things last minute and not tell us 2. SD13 has a open wound on her leg she got from school and last 3. Cause she is grounded!!!! But DH come into it saying over rules me AGAIN and says she can go she has been punish enough (5 days……WTF!!!!)

I am over it!!!! I am sick of being the ‘step-in parent’ for both DH and BM when it suits them, more than anything I feel like a maid for DH and SD13 more than a co-parent and when he comes home it’s like I’m being excuse from the duties. I don’t want to do this anymore but how can I remove myself from this?? BM won’t have SD13 live with her or even want to help with SD13 and DH hasn’t got the balls to ask her.

Please some advice would be great thanks.

Lanibug851's picture

Thanks guys

Unfortunately I'm not working at the moment due to going into surgery soon to get my kidney remove and will be off work for a while due to recovery so I felt I had to help but you guys are right! I should not evolve myself with their kids and their problems. I want to go away for a holiday but I couldn't because he went away for work and I didn't want to upset them but f*%k them!! Thanks

Ps - should I stop helping with everything like school, taking her places cause that would be cool?? No more taxi runs

IslandGal's picture

Oh Hell NO!! Disengage, woman! Do it to save your sanity.

This means no babysitting - no cooking for her, driving her up after her..doing her laundry etc etc - she does it all on her own or leave it ALL on DH to do. If he won't allow you to discipline her but is happy for you to take care of her - then I'd be letting him know that this ain't gonna happen any more. Either you are allowed to discipline her and he supports you - or you're gonna step back and let him do all the parenting.

Go into the adult forum and read the nightmare stories there - believe me, your good deeds for her won't go unpunished.

Lanibug851's picture

I just told DH that im disengaging from SD13 and he got soo angry saying stuff like " you marry me, you knew I had kids" and " so you are just going to be a c#%t to us and not help" and my fave " SD13 needs a mother figure" how do I respond to that??

blayze's picture

Yes, I married YOU and I did know YOU had kids. SD also needs a father figure, but she's stuck with a prick like you. Take care of your own kid or PAY ME to do it. I owe your child nothing! End of discussion.

Evil stepmonster's picture

Turn every thing having to do with her over to your DH, he likes to over rule you so much than he can just stay ruling. Nothing that happens to her or because of her is your fault or your responsibility.