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Why Skids Steal

Ispofacto's picture

What do you think?

Do kids steal because they want something and they think they are entitled to it?  Do all kids steal?

Or is it an expession of their hostitlity, a way of evening the score?

Or something else?

nengooseus's picture

I think that it's somewhat normal for any kid to experiment with stealing, particularly in these split home situations.  My skids, for example, will periodically take clothing from out house because they want it at BM's.  There's the entitlement midset.  Since it's clothes, it's nothing to make a big deal about.

SS (almost 9) will take things from my house because BM tells him to, as well.  That, I think, is an expression of his (and her) hostility.  At our house, again, usually it's clothing, so NBD.

Sometimes it's thoughtless...  Sometimes the skids just don't know which house something belongs in, so they'll put it in their bag, assuming that it belongs at the other house.

I think that the critical factor, as with all things skid, is to call out bad behavior when it happens and to hold them accountable for it.

Ispofacto's picture

With Killjoy, the targets have been only MIL and myself, consistent with BM's attitude.  BM is HPD, so she see's all men as potential marks, and all women as rivals.  BM HATES other women.  DH can leave his wallet full of money in the kitchen overnight, and nothing happens to it.  There hasn't been one corner of my stuff that has been untouched by Killjoy.  With DH she's all needy and manipulative.

It is yet another manifestation of an ongoing theme in which I am the target of everything, and Killjoy is her mother's clone.

futurobrillante99's picture

My skids don’t think they are stealing. They just think that nothing is off limits to them and can take/borrow whatever they see.

My skids also have a habit of taking from each other, so it’s merely transferred to everyone else.

Cover1W's picture

This.  DH to this day still doens't think it matters.

Yeah, we're running out of forks now (it was spoons).  No biggie.  Other things have gone missing as well, kitchen items mostly - SDs take them to school to use, then it goes back to BMs and doesn't come back.  Early on, I used to make sure she got her things back if they stacked up but then realized she never, ever did the same so I stopped. 

SloaneMichael's picture

Yes! We have no forks. I brought silverware into the home, so we had a double set of forks (salad and dinner, so lots of forks). Now we're down to like 10 total. I think Skids are throwing them in the trash (I witnessed this one time, so I think it happened more than once) and taking the rest.

Kes's picture

I actually saw SD21 (when she was about 14)  taking CDs out of our rack and hiding them inside her cardigan prior to leaving to go back to NPD BM's.  I think they just thought that anything in our house was fair game.  In the end I had to catalogue every CD and DVD we owned to keep track of ones that "walked".  

WarMachine13's picture

Dang!

Rags's picture

Did you smack her on the back of her theiving head and tell her to put your shit back?

If not.... why not?

smh

Major Blunder's picture

My skids steal because they are criminals and addicts, plain and simple.  They steal from each other, their grandparents, us and anyone who is unlucky enough to let them into their home.

Rags's picture

Who cares why?  I care only that they do steal and it is the behavior that must be confronted and extinguished with absolute zero tolerance and the application of a life of abject misery until their behavior complies with reasonable standardss of behavior in the blended family.

It seems that we as SParents, or maybe it is just parents in blended families in general, spend far too much time feeling instead of acting, analyzing instead of addressing intollerable behaviors, etc, etc, etc....

Bring the pain in an age appropriate manner.  Anything other than the destruction of  the unacceptable behavior is just enabling.  At least in most situations. Certainly there can be exceptions.... but not many.

IMHO of course.

Ispofacto's picture

I agree with punishing this behavior, but in Killjoy's case, it seems to be a compulsion for her, like a drug addiction.  Since she is so "passive", it is the only way she can manage her volcanic hostility.

DH thinks she's just greedy and he punished and warned her, so she won't do it anymore.  He says we can trust her now.  Lol.  I think she is still going through my things.

thinkthrice's picture

SD at the time eight or nine years old going through chefs wallet and my purse with OSS as Lookout.  Her excuse was "I thought you were sleeping."

SteppedOut's picture

My formerSS13 pretty much thought anything in the house was subject to being his. Including anything in my purse, my jewellery (thousands of $ worth is missing), hell, even half drank gatorade in the fridge (even if there were plenty unopened available!).

If he was busted either 1. he didn't do it, 2. he didn't know or 3. he forgot. Even if it was the same thing over and over. But, he did get "a stern talking to".

Texashley33's picture

SS17 steals food when we leave the house. Usually it's food that he KNOWS is mine or for my kids. Like I always get my kids 1 iced donut each, so they don't fight..They are 6 and 7 years old..Well SS17 waits until me and my Husband leave to go pick them up at grandma's house, and eats one of their donuts!  ..When there is a whole box of glazed donuts also.  If he didn't ignore everyone and hide in his room all day, and speak to his Dad, he could have a special made donut or donuts for himself, but he would rather pretend he's mute and hide in his room, bc he's mad at us bc HE lies and takes toys away from my children, or trips my daughter behind our backs.  He has major behavioral problems like his crazy BM. If you are nice to him, he acts out.  He is no longer allowed to be around my children, bc he is a monster.  I hope there is some way to get him out of my house soon..his 18th is next month and his BM lost custody years ago..but I don't care, she deserves to have to deal with it, bc she's just as bad as he is..She's always in jail for DWI's. Ugh idiots.