You are here

whats really going on?!?

yellowtx's picture

So as I sit back and really question and reflect on what I am trying to be as a "stepmother" Im not sure what I am doing anymore. Most of the time I DONT want to be a stepmom to some other woman's kid!! It is kind of repulsing and disturbing to know that BM was quick to "pop" out a kids but refused to "man up" and be responsible and provide for the kid(s). So now I feel like Im almost obligated (for DH's sake) and try and "help" the kid. I know that most of the time a kid will most likely end up very similar to one or the other parent...well I HATE BM and her baby-mamma-drama...so she alone makes me want to get away from DH altogether! I really love my husband and want him but I dont want anything else that is not physically attached to him, therefore I find myself questioning our marriage a lot (quietly/in my mind of course). DH is great with MY 2 girls. And when the issue of how I feel comes up he tells me that he loves my girls and he dont feel like I feel about his daughter towards my girls. But I tell him its cause my girls are not disrespectful or conniving, and that they embrace his role and authority as their stepfather. A part of me really wants to love SD and the other part simply doesn't care! I am very confused as to what I really want for my future? Do I love my husband ENOUGH to deal with SD and baby-mamma-drama? Who and what am I trying to fix/help? Am I simply being selfish and not understanding enough? Whats really going on?!?!

Does anyone else feel like this or has felt like this? What did you do?

amber3902's picture

I know how you feel. I dated a man for two years that had a 7 year old son. I felt bad that I didn't feel the same way BF felt towards my girls that I felt towards his son. But similar to your situation the reason was my kids were well behaved, his son was not.

I also resented the fact that I was expected to care/parent a child that I had no hand in raising and had no authority to discipline.

What did I do? I realized that even though I loved my BF, I could not respect a man that allowed his child to disrespect him and everyone else. I broke up with the father.

You have to decide if you think DH is growing to grow a pair and stand up to BM. Yes, he can not control what she does, but there are things he can do to limit any baby-mamma drama.

smartone's picture

Here is how it is for me, maybe you can relate. I work REALLY hard to teach my children to be responsible, mature, knowledgeable, fun, accepting, loving, etc. I teach them how to do things and give them experiences so that they are well rounded.

Step in the bf's kids (I'll call them skids for simplicity). The girl skids are at LEAST 2-3 yrs behind their actual ages. Can do NOTHING for themselves. Drives me absolutely nuts that I have to deal with it after working so hard on my kids. Then boy skid(12) is allowed to play adult video games and I'm the "sheltering" one who doesn't want my boy11 playing them. These kids are not parented and it's just crazy.

My kids are definitely not perfect, but at least I recognize their imperfections and work on them. But as parents, we have certain things we put up with and things we don't want to have to deal with. And someone else's kids aren't going to have those things that matter to us taught into/out of them the way we do. Does that make sense?

It is easy to like and love the littles that WE raise and mold. When it's difficult to even LIKE littles because they are not raised the way we think they should be, it is even harder to love them. I can't even stand to be in the same room as the skids sometimes; they are just annoying. But Daddyeo sees their halos and that's all that matters...