It's okay to tell him truth. You just need to be sure to keep it age-appropriate. The fact is if he is the product of a one-night stand, his parents weren't in a relationship to begin with.

His questions will likely come appropriate with age. Keep the answers honest & simple.

My personal situtation is somewhat similar - I'm adopted and have meet my birthmother. My birthfather is dead. But basically she was 17 and he was like 30 and they ran away together and I was conceived over a bar in Milwaukee. My birthmother told me way too much information and I was 31 at the time. She basically told me what a horrible guy he was and dished all the dirt about him. Now granted I don't know this guy from some stranger on the street but did I really need to know the sorrid details.

No - I didn't! I think you should just tell him that the relationship just didn't work out and leave it at that until he is much older and then it may not even be necesary. I would however explain why you weren't in his life at an age-appropriate level but only if he asks.

I think that there will be less of an issue because he has no memory of his parents ever being together and not being dragged thru a divorce. At his age - he probably doesn't even remember that you & FH weren't in his life the first 2 years and as he gets older - it will be further from his mind. When he asks about BM & FH's relationship - i would say: The relationship was very short and they just weren't meant to be together - it happens. He doesn't need to know it was a one night stand. About you & FH not being in his life the first 2 yrs is not info you should volunteer & he will most likely never ask as he won't remember. It may be an issue years down the road if he asks why FH is not in any baby pics with him. I would then reiterate the quick relationship & that they had broken up before he was born & FH didn't know about him as FH & BM lost contact & then got back in contact when he was 2 & FH has been there ever since & that if FH knew SS was born he would have been in his life the minute he was born.

I don't think the kid needs to be included in adult interactions. I think if he is told that he is a product of a one night stand, not only will he look at his mother in a bad light, he might also feel like he is not loved by his father.

I think to tell him that is only a knee jerk reaction to cause drama with the BM and to make yourself feel better. It really has nothing to do with the kid if you're honest with yourself. Best to just tell him that the relationship didn't work out.

I don't think the kid needs to know the gorey details. Like another poster said, if the question ever comes up, keep it short and to the point, they were together for a short time and it didn't work. I mean, when he gets older and sees that there are no pics of his mother and father together i'm pretty sure he will figure it out.

All he needs to know is that he is loved and his parents could not make it work - that's it - he will not remember his first 2 years anyway - my DD cannot remember that my SS16 lived with us for the first 2 years of her life. He moved back with BM right before she turned 2. I asked her the other day if she remembered when her brother lived here and she said "Mommy Brother SS never lived with me he just comes to visit.

Now if when he is an adult and wants to know why there are no pictures of his mother and father together right after he was born then they can tell him. Now it is not necessary!!

Definately the truth. "Your Mom and Dad love you very much but could not be married to each other".

That's it.

TMI (Too Much Information) applies to this topic I think. The truth but limited detail is the best way to go. Expanded answers should be provided as the little boy grows up but I do not believe that "one night stand" should ever be part of the conversation.

IMHO of course.

Best regards,

Don't worry. You're a loving kind and caring woman in his life and when the time comes you'll know just what to say. Your bm is so lucky to have you. Be careful not to answer questions he didn't ask. Stick to the basics. He won't remember that you and dh weren't there but if he does you can simply say you lived in another city. If he asks why bm and dh don't live together you can just say its because daddy and eisellana live together. Simple answers are always best for little people. If you don't make it bigger, neither will he.

I'm so glad to hear you have this little guy. I met dh six months after my father died. I understand what a blessing new love can be.

How nice to have a happy story. Mine isn't. Good for all of you.(that is serious not sarcastic)

My SS is the product of a ONS. I have told DH that SS is visual proof that he could not keep his hand off of Warthog (years after their divorce). It makes him furious when I say that but it's true.

He is the biggest mistake ever dropped from a crotch. Homeless, druggie, alcoholic, unemployed, lives on and off with crack whore sleeping on floor of section 8 drug apartments. The only saving grace is that he is not mean or ultra violent. He does have anger management issues and destroys things and gets in fights - but usually just gets beat up.

I cringe whenever the phone rings - 3 times today. He always wants something. DH know now that he is not to go get him and take him someplace, that he is not to take him groceries, that he can talk to him all he wants - but funny thing the conversations never last more than 60 seconds when he can't get anything.

DH knows to pretty much keep him away from me. If he ever loses it with me it will not be pretty. What I will say to him will be so much worse than calling him a crotch dropping from a ONS by his whore mother.

Sometimes he is missing for days and we get phone calls from his "friends" - fellow addicts. I wish he would just evaporate.

You are so lucky to have a loveable child in your life. I wish we had one.

Eh, same story with my FDH. FDH was actually the one who brought up the topic with me: what do you tell him about how babies are made? (it made his skin crawl to think he'd have to say anything as dishonest as 'when a mommy and daddy love eachother...')

I told him to say 'boys have boy parts, girls have girl parts. If you put them together you can sometimes get a baby. But you shouldn't have one until you are grown up because a baby is a lot of hard work." Then drop him in front of something like Nature.

As he grows older, and he asks, we'll say things along the lines of 'your mom and dad didn't love eachother and people who don't love eachother shouldn't stay together, but sometimes adults do things that end ip giving them a baby. But because of you, I found not2sureimsaneanymore, so you are our gift and we are happy that you brought us together.'

Yeah, BM will throw a fit because she has everyone around her believing that FDH and her were actually an item and in love and was going to marry her if the pregnancy hadnt spooked him (gag me). But whatever, not our problem.

If he really wants to know, then when he's much older (past his 20s) we will tell him the truth, that BM had a baby to try and keep FDH. That doesn't mean we love him any less, and once again, he truly is the reason we're together so he is special and a gift. Personally I think everyone, when they are old enough, have a right to know if they truly want to know. It can, however, be done tactfully.

I just recently found out my deceased grandmother may not have been my biological grandmother, and now my grandfather may not be my biological grandfather either. I may or may not also have a half sibling out in the world because some lady tried to pin a pregnancy on my dad but she ran away when he wanted a dna test. Hasn't destroyed me or my faith in them, I undrrstand things happen. So just my opinion.

My SD15 was conceived as the result of a stupid casual relationship my DH had when he was 18. It was not quite a one-night stand, but her parents barely knew each other and considerable alcohol was involved. DH was in the military and only heard from the BM a year later with a request for a DNA sample to see if he was the father of her baby. She only wanted his money and didn’t want him to have any sort of relationship with their child.

It’s important that you set your SS straight about the facts before his BM and other maternal relatives tell him lies or poison him against his dad. DH didn’t have much to do with his daughter before she was 6 (when her loser drug addicted mom lost custody) but even by that time, she had been made to believe her dad abandoned her and hated her mom.

My SD has never had any delusions that her parents were some how in love or a typical couple. But from the get go, she thought her dad was the world’s biggest loser jerk thanks to her mom and grandmother. It’s been next to impossible to change her opinion of him which has resulted in him being absolutely unable to parent her. He’s a horrible guilty daddy who she constantly tries to set-up to be the bad guy by misbehaving on purpose. Meanwhile, she has all sorts of excuses at to why her mom has so many problems and practically worships her.