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Stepdaughter issues

Gr011076's picture

I have been with my husband for over 7 years married for 2 of them. He recently just got to see his kids about a year and a half ago. They were molested by the mothers bf and my husband found this out on Father's Day 2 years ago. The point of this discussion is that I have so much resentment towards my step daughter. We welcomed her into our home after she got back in contact with her dad. However since then it has been a rollercoaster. Her mother got busted for drugs and now we have the son. He is no problem it is always her. We have DCF and guardian something involved in our lives. She has complained that she gets no time alone with her father. However this is not true. On the weekends they are both the early birds and are hanging outside or in the garage drinking coffee while everyone else is sleeping. She is constantly outside with him throughout the day. She does everything in her power to not be near me at least that is how it seems. For instance she knows chores are to be done before I get home while everyone else is doing theirs she is outside with her dad but as soon as I  pull up she hurts inside to do them. She has cut her hair cut herself and I could go on. They are always outside. I know my husband loves the outdoors to and I do to but I am going through health issues and cannot stand the heat. I feel he is always talking to her more than me. Half the time I dont get a word in because he is always talking. When he is drinking that's the worse. I stay away because he repeats himself but she is right there on his behind. When it comes to helping inside the house it's like you have to tell at her to get help. I have gotten to the point that I am done. It just seems like nothing I do works or helps.



STaround's picture

I feel so sorry for the girl.  I hope dad has gotten her counseling.   I think you need to talk to DH and tell him he is not doing favors by not having her do chores, but  he has to buy into the chore listings being fair

Don't sweat the small stuff, let her cut her hair.  

If his drinking is bad, I would suggest AA




tog redux's picture

I'm a little confused - he only got to see them 1.5 years ago, and at that time, they were removed from BM's care and put in his care? How old are they?

This girl has had a lot of trauma, including sexual abuse, loss of her father first and now loss of her mother, and likely neglect and other types of trauma while in her mother's care, given that she was a drug addict.  That might explain some of her behavior, but doesn't make it less difficult to live with.

Is she in therapy, I hope?

Gr011076's picture

Thanks for the responses everyone. I want to first start off that she is in counseling. From the beginning. When I met my husband he had just lost his chances of having his children due to the fact that he was on his own and had no help. I was told. We our relationship got further in he told me more. Apparently he was accuse of cutting his son with a razor blade. Turns out that the mother and bf told son what to say. This caused an injection against dad. Dad didn't have money to fight. Things started to pick up for him when he got with me. It took awhile but we finally did what we needed to do. This whole time though there was no contact no knowing where they were until father's day when he got the call about his daughter being in the hospital. This is when he found out that not only his daughter was molested his son was to by the moms bf. Once the kids were reunited with dad. Weeks later the daughter and mom had a fight she said she was going to kill herself so we called to have her taken away. She has been with us for over a year an a half or more. Now the son didn't come with us and to find out he didn't cause he wanted to protect his little brother that was from the man that molested them. Btw the guy is no longer alive. Anyway her brother came to live with us wen moms house got raided. Her brother and her get trauma counseling and so does dad now to help them. He doesn't go to AA cause they gave him the option to go there or church he chose church. I want to clarify something he does get on her about her chores but not as hard as he does on anyone else. Mine you she is not the only child in the house. She is 12 her brother is 14. The other 2 children are mine and they are 17 and 16 now. They have been with this man for over 8 years so for them to see how he treats her and the boy hurts them and me. Now I was molested and went through crap but did not cause other people pain the way she is. Yes she has gone through alot but she knows what she is doing. She tells ppl all different stories just to get attention and she gets it because everyone is afraid of what she might do. Now my kids have learned and gotten over it but her brother is taken it hard and he went through the same trauma. For me, I am doing my best to just leave it to the Lord