step son stole out of his dads wallet and step daughter is having sex at age 15 and now has herpes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so angry, my husband lets his ex wife walk all over him, and his kids to. he has a biological son with his ex wife that is going to be 10 years old this month, and he legally adopted his ex wifes daughter who is now 15. I have issues with both of the children and his ex wife and him for that matter.
first of all his daughter no longer comes to our house because she has been so disrespectful to him and i, and we told her she had to apologize but she refuses. so she just doesnt come over anymore, and she is mad because i told her that she is to young to have sex, and now to top it all off she has contracted herpes from her soooooo wonderful boyfriend, and my husband will not say much because he says she isn't really his kid and she makes sure he knows that to, she always says your not my father, so he just doesn't care, and her mother still lets her see the boy and go places with him, and they expect us to buy all her school clothes, and now they want us to buy her a homecoming dress so she can go the the dance with the boy that gave her an STD, i hate this because everytime i open my mouth i am a terrible person, and it's supposedly none of my business.
and then his son, is very quiet and shy and reserved who we hardly ever have any problems with, but he doesn't come over that much cause he doesn't like to go anywhere with out his sister, and my husband will not go file for visitation rights, so he has no legal right to get him, and when his ex says no, he just rolls over and does, nothing, and then this past weekend he stole $50 out of his dads wallet, come on, he is 10, and he wanted a video game, and he was told no, so he stole the money, and his b-day is only 2 weeks away, i wanted to smack him, but of course i stayed out of it, and i told my husband to go to their house and take away his xbox 360 that we bought him, so he goes to get it, and his ex says she doesn't want to go into the bedroom to get it because her baby is sleeping. thats a load of crap, she just won't give it up because we (and when i say we i mean me) paid for it.
I am sick and tired of all of these little games, and it is causing me and my husband to fight, because I am so stressed out, and also because I have an 11 year old daughter of my own, that does get punished when she misbehaves, and has to act right and do good in school, and i know she must think it is so unfair because his 2 children to whatever they want whenever they wont with absolutley no consequences.
what should i do????
He isn't her Dad? I don't
He isn't her Dad? I don't get it.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )
he is the sons biological
he is the sons biological father, but the daughter is adopted, when he married his ex-wife she already had a daughter,(when she was 16 y/o) so after they were married he legally adopted her, so he is financially responsible for her now, even though she isn't really his, he was a complete idiot for adopting the little evil B
If I was you, I would
If I was you, I would disengage. Do not contribute another penny or ounce of effort toward these kids. Don't buy them anything and try to wrangle DH's over child support spending on them and don't drive them anywhere, clean anything of theirs, cook anything for them, don't lift a finger to do anything for the kids unless you can get your DH to grow a pair and become a parent. They are the monsters he has allowed to be created. He can take care of them.
He's not doing his kids any favors letting them walk all over him. But it sounds like you've tried to talk sense into him until your blue in the face.
Give up, let go and let God. If hubby wants to try and involve you with his kid's drama, tell him, no sorry, you're exhausted from it and there's nothing you can do about it as he has refused to take any guidance or advice from you so you don't want to even hear it. Not your problem.
Best of luck!
thank you, and i hear what
thank you, and i hear what you are saying, I have tried to do that a million times, i just get so angry because my daughter lives with us and she has to see all of this crap i would just leave if i didnt love him so much, and i am honestly scared that this will end up ruining us eventually.
My husbands ex also let her
My husbands ex also let her daughter sleep around and even allowed boys to sleep over when she was 15. His ex wants to be her daughters FRIEND and does not parent her.
She may have herpes for all I know... as she sleeps around a lot and has been for years. She has several peircings, tats, colors her hair white blonde and wears shorts so small and tight you can see her buttcheeks ( and she isn't even slim, so it not only looks vulgar, its downright nasty)
I wish I knew the answer.... but have come to the conclusion that some kids are just that way to try to take advantage of everything they can... and no matter what you do for them or give them... its never enough.
That.. I believe is a matter of personality, taking risky chances....
or making crazy demands on their parents ( manipulators).
It's unfortunate she has given herself a disease at such a young age, one to which no one is really sure of the outcome other than
possible other problems as it is the epstein barr virus, that causes many health problems other than herpes.
You can try what I'm doing and that is putting my foot down. No more discussion or negoitiation, but keep in mind, I would be ok to divorce financially.
I just told him to choose. I am willing to give his daughter ( now an adult going on 20) a chance but it will be on my terms, not hers...... with BOUNDRIES I will determine as his ways did not work and he is no longer calling the shots.
That is all I can do to keep my sanity as I'm sick of his daughter, her games and her causing us to get into so many fights.
I put my foot down... my way or the highway, this is after several years of him calling the shots which turned out miserably.
She does certain things like accuse me of abuse ( she did that before).. brings her mother into our house ( she has done that before)... or go directly against one of the boundries I have set out.. thats it. She is no longer going to call me Bit@ch or anything else like that as I'm really tired of it as I've never done anything to her.
My husband will either do things my way this time or he has to divorce me because I can't take it anymore... nor should I have to tolerate being called Bit@h by some immature girl who thinks she knows it all. I refuse and if my husband does not stand by me, he can move.
Thats what I've been forced to do and demand. Its not easy and it makes me sick but there is no other way. My husband is unaware how manipulatibve and destructive his adult daughter is.. she is textbook borderline personality disorder and I have to put my foot down. maybe something you'll have to do too.
In my case what SD seeks ... one of the things she seeks is a disneyland dad to entertain her and her friends on her terms and
act like she is a child with no responsiblity.... I am a major obstacle from her being able to do this, in her eyes...
as she seems to think she is still on the every other weekend plan !!! and she is going on 20 !!!!
She says... she wants a relationship, but I think to her that means recreation at the expense of others. It is a very pathetic thing.... and she never even sends a fathers day card to my husband or wishes him a happy fathers day... it's all about her, all the time. Instead she comes over crying and telling her father she comes first ! and she is going on 20 !!! that is downright pathetic.... and unrealistic ! She does not care he has worked a 70 hour week or needs to get his car repaired, she never even asks about him or his life. Its all about her. I have seen 13 year olds more considerate than she is.
In general terms I guess people like that are called ??? what??? selfish or a$$holes? people who care nothing for anyone and abuse and use everyone they can. She is like that.
It makes me sick and I've had enough. My husband is the reason we have these problems.... he has allowed her to act this way and be manipulated for a long time....
he is now going to either stand with me... or get a place for him and his daughter so she can walk on him because it's not happening here. Your husband is the key to this... he is either with you or he isn't.
To add. another thing you
To add. another thing you can do is buy a home safe, which is what I was forced to do. do not give your husband the combination numbers or key.... and keep your money, jwelery, imprtant papers in there... when kids comes over or are over put his wallet in there too.
I got a home safe to ward this off as i am CERTAIN his daughter would rob us if she had the chance... I made sure, she has no chance !
You can also do a set up to put some money in front of a home security camera and see if they take the bait...
they will be filmed and husband will be forced to deal with it.
I think you should be
I think you should be thankful these problem kids are not in your life much. And forget that homecoming dress - for a kid that says "You're not my father". Well jump off a cliff kid. As for your husband remember he's the same guy you married.
Here's what I did to solve my problem over involvement with my step-kids. It worked great:
I wrote this a long time ago and I hope this helps with your problem. It may not reflect your exact situation but you'll get the idea:
The situation with my step-kids finally got to the point where I decided that my efforts to raise them was futile.
First I told my wife in private what I was going to do and why.
Then I stopped investing myself, time and money in their upbringing. I realized that by conscious choice I could cease being responsible for them or their actions. Neither would I take credit for how they turned out, good or bad. I simply stopped interfering in their lives. This is not to say if they would start a fire on the living room floor I would not intervene. But if they did not do the laundry as scheduled I ignored it. Nor did I do any of their chores. If the trash overflowed in the kitchen - well tough. Mom dealt with it when she got home.
You will be absolutely amazed at the look on a kids face when s/he realizes you don't care enough to even tell their bio-parent they did something wrong. And you'll be amazed at their future behavoir and attitude towards you.
I stayed friendly enough and taught one how to drive when she was old enough. I took my spouse and SKs camping on occasion when my kids weren't around. I offered the s-kids advise on living in our world and made the obvious comments when it came to safety and such. I never made it a judgement. Then they could no longer blame me for the consequences of misbehaving just because I saw the misbehavoir. I never told. If they were caught in a infraction it was not my fault. They began to realize that they were responsible for their actions because of what they did not because I caught them.
I would talk to my wife in private if I had issues, but once she made the decision I backed her up 100%.
Once the kids realized I was no longer the ogre they thought I was their attitude changed. I was not their friend, but neither was I the enemy. They came to realize that I had not done those things to irritate them. They in fact missed the things that they had come to depend on me doing. Permission to go to the mall when their Mom was not home? "Sorry, can't do that".
Their mother slowly came to realize that I wasn't over-reacting to their actions. In fact I wasn't reacting at all. She came to understand that she would have to control the situation and she did.
With that things got much easier around the house.
Billions of kids grew up in the world without help from me and turned out just fine.
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It may be that 50 years from now the only important thing you did in this life is to be important in the life of a kid.