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SS is lying and ruining my life and marriage!!

lost and confused's picture

I am 31 yrs old and my H and I have been married for 3yrs. Prior to getting married we dated for 6 yrs. When we met he already had a 3yr old son, he was the sweetest thing. His BM was not in the picture so it made life for us extremely easy. There were times when she would call (she lived out of state) and talk to SS and you could tell he missed her but he got attached to me and I felt as if I was his mother. He would allow me to hug him and play with him. He would hold my hand and even tell me he loved me before going to bed. Everything was fine until my H and I got married and I was pregnant with our first baby. My SS did not want to spend any time with us and always wanted to be at my inlaws house. My husbands family as well started treating me differently and blamed me for my H and SS becoming distant from them. They even went as far as to tell my SS that he does not need to listen to me because I am not his mother!!! We constantly would argue over homework, as I would try to help him he always would disagree and basically tell me I did not know what I was doing! He stopped acknowledging me and would not even say hello when he arrived from school. All of a sudden I was invisable. About 7 months ago he told my H family that I told him that his mother did not care for him. I was floored!!! I could not believe that he could possibly say such a thing, my H confronted me infront of his whole family and basically told me he believed his son and that I would no longer be able to be with him alone (being that I allegedly said this on our drive to school) This of course caused problems between my husband and I and when I confronted my husband he told me he only said he believed his son so his family would get off his back! Needless to say his family now ignores me and my children as far as they are concerned I am the devil and am an outcast. Sadly 2 months ago my SS mother passed away and I cried for him and told him I was there for him if he needed anything and that I loved him (BIG MISTAKE!! WE WERE ALONE WHEN I TOLD HIM THIS) My H and SS flew out of state for funeral and my SS went and told his maternal grandma that I had told him "now that your mother is dead I am your mother" My husband had the nerve to call and ask me if it was true!!! I couldnt believe it!!!!! Now I am hated on both sides of that family. This has caused so many problems between my H and I we dont even sleep in the same bed anymore! Sad as it is to say his son is ruining our marriage I have mentioned counceling but my bind H says there is no problem everything is fine!!! I am fed up and have no clue what to do. I never thought I would be here I need help\111111

Jsmom's picture

You need to disengage. Don't be alone with your SS. That way nothing you say can be misconstrued. Be cautious. You are being the whipping boy now. Been there, won't do it anymore. I had to keep my distance from my SD13 because she said I was picking on her and other lies that my DH believed. I just keep my distance. I am still her SM, but I am not involved in her day to day exsistence, beyone Cooking and laundry as needed. You shouldn't drive him to school, let DH do it, if he doesn't trust what you say to his kid. Good luck.

lost and confused's picture

Ok here is an update, my SS maternal grandmother is visiting from outof state tell me when I was introduced to her she wouldnt even shake my hand!!!! This occured in front of everyone and miraculously my husband did not notice!!! (this was on Thursday) So today his grandmother decides she would like to visit my home, after a quick arguement with my H I give in and she came over. Tell me this lady has the nerve to come into my house and not acknowledge me at all!!! not even a hello NOTHING!!!!!! I let it go and of course my SS does not acknowledge my exsistence either, walked right by me I even said hello and wished him a happy new year and nothing not even a grunt. They go to my SS room and GM starts going thru all of my SS stuff that he has from his mother who passed away mths ago but was never in his life. I also collected pictures of SS since he was little to present and took them to her so she could see pictures of him growing up (and what a happy family we once were) She was crying while she was reading some of her daughters cards etc I gave her a tissue and expressed my condolences and she said thank you! I told her if she needed anything just to let me know and I left her alone in the room. Next thing I know she is leaving does not say good bye thank you nothing. She says good bye to my husband and tells him she did not go thru pictures and is out the door! She leaves tomorrow and I have had it because my H did not notice any of this!!!!!! I am so fed up not even a thank you what whole did she crawl out of\??? She should be thanking me for stepping in where her daughter failed!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anbacc's picture

WOW! I feel for ya. My SD11 has tried to pull this shit but she say it to her BM. My H has Custody and the BM takes every opportunity to make us out to be horrible people. My SD told BM that I told her she was fat. That really hurt because I do so much for her and would never say anything like that. BM of course confronted my H but he stuck up for me and put SD on speaker phone and asked if I had said that. It ended up being a dress for a wedding that she grew out of over the summer and I had told her that she grew out of it and need a bigger size. So you see we cant believe children word for word when they say something. Children can take something innocent and make it out to be horrible if they want.
Sorry your H doesnt stand up for you, it must make it so hard.

lost and confused's picture

We use tobe such a happy family before we got married and we just were plainly happy. My ss would let me hug him and hold his hand and would even tell me he loved me when he would go to bed. What kills me is that I have no clue whay changed? I truely believe he hates me and will not be happy until my H and I seperate which let me tell you we have come very close to it! It is sad if these skids would only see half of the things we do for them I literally worry for him as if he were my own!! If something happens at school I am the one they call and I am there all the time , while my husbands family could care less but they make our situation even harder. They treat him as if he were made of gold and could do no wrong!!! My sister-in-law even neglects her own children just to tend to him. They say he is special because he does not have his mother!! that is a crock of S***!! They should be happy his no good bipolar drug user mother was not in the picture can youonly imagine??? The best thing that woman ever did for her son is stay out of his life!! I am the one that would wipe his butt and hold him when he was sick or when he cried because his dad was mean to him!!! All of that just vanished!!! This is depressing and even worse is not having a husband that does not support you