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Negative step son

Kpha997's picture

Hi I'm new here. This has been bothered me so much for a while now and I just wanted to let this out and get some advice. Me and my boyfriend was in a relationship for 4 years and finally got married. I have no kids, he have 4 kids (3 daughters and a son) and 2 BMs. 
Our relationship was great! He loves me and give me everything and I could never ask for more but I feel like I'm starting losing him and I don't want to lose him because of his kids and his two BMs. Well his son come over every weekend and sometimes his 3 daughters. 2 of the daughters is about 13 and 14 years old they big already so they barely come around but when they do we barely talk and they always give me that ugly look every time I walked passed them. That makes me felt so uncomfortable and when I told my husband about the situation we always got into an arguement and he always told me stuff like maybe I just don't like his 2 daughters. He makes me felt afraid of his kids because everything he blamed on me and make me the bad one. Don't get me wrong I do want to get along with them and love them like a step parent should but how when the kids act like this towards me and I can't even say anything about it. I'm tired of arguements and getting slapped at just because I complained about how his kids are towards me. And is it normal for a 5 years old little boy to called me a b*tch, ugly asshole, stupid, dumb ass every time I told him nicely not to do stupid things? Or when he asked me for something and I told him no or not right now he will tell me stuff like " shit yo face ugly butt hole?" And when I brought up to my husband we always got into an arguements and he will end up putting his hands on me. What should I do? I felt like its my fault because he said they just little kids they don't know nothing better but its annoying and irritating me. 

 

Floral_SM's picture

He puts his hands on you? Not only that but sticks up for his revolting behaved children over you? Seriously, leave and find a man that treats you right. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Do you have any family or support system near where you live, or did you move far away from them to marry this guy? Your bio says you are 21, and married to this guy with 4 kids and 2 BMs. I am afraid you are at risk of being abused or exploited. Your situation does not sound ok. Please don't let him isolate you from friends and family, if he hasn't already. 

Kpha997's picture

If I have family and friends nearby during those time his kids came over I would of went to stay with my family. But no I don’t have nobody. My whole family was over in MN. Yes your right I moved down to Cali to married this guy.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

It's a power imbalance. I've seen it in situations where men bring wives from overseas. The men are older, with failed marriages and kids. The women are much younger, with little education and don't know the language. They also sometimes left situations that were just as terrible if not more so than what they have here. That makes them dependent on the men, who get a younger wife who has to put up with their kids, BMs, and, often, abuse.

If you don't just leave him (which i recommend), you have to take your power back. Find a way to get an education and/or make your own money, and not be available to do all the cooking/cleaning/childcare. Then, either he will give you the respect you deserve, or, of not, you are free to leave and have a better life on your own. If you have the ability to leave and have a better life now, though, you should do it. 

Kpha997's picture

Yes, thats what I'm trying to do right now searching for a full time jobs and maybe going back to college. If I can leave I'll be leaving already. My cultural is complicated. My parents always told me to be patient things will get better in time but I doubt it. Nobody to vent to thats why I'm here today. Thank you for being here, I appreciate a lot.