My Stepdaughter Is Making My Life Miserable - My Wife Won't Help!
I live with my wife and her 2 children for 5 years now. I should explain - I absolutely adore my wife, I believe she is one of the best things that happened in my life. My relationship with her 11-year old son is also amazing, him and me are super close. He even spends more time with me than with my wife - his interests do not differ very much to the ones I had when I was his age, so we get to play together a lot. Her 10-year old daughter though, that's a completely different story.
Everything came gradually to a point I cannot take it any more. I noticed she always had aggressive behaviour to anyone ( friend, family, even other kids) who spent even a little time with my wife, trying to to cut them off (being very rude most of the times) or becoming naughty to draw my wife's attention. I am sure now that's, among others, the main reason she's doing all this to me : She thinks I am ''taking her mum away from her''.
I should also explain that I really sweated on building our relationship, forgiving her rude and illogical behaviour, talking to her for hours and sometimes giving her much more than her brother, trying to win her love. In the beginning things seemed controllable : as long as she had to earn something she was nice, but after that, back to the normal behaviour : All-day-long whining, rude cut-ins when me and my wife were talking or had a moment alone, rude behaviour in general, cries for nothing and always so nerve-wracking noisy, trying to draw attention.
My wife's response to that? Nothing. When I tried to talk about it? Denial. I do understand she suffered quite enough with her ex, but I had to convince her to toughen up and face the problem before it got worse and not to throw an excuse every time.
As the years passed, my stepdaughter's behaviour became more and more intense, even when she had to earn something. She became rude and problematic with people she did not like, started ruining almost every family moment, and, more important, she became manipulative to my wife. I tried to give her more time with her mum, but she apparently wanted it all for her self. Even though some serious events (like spitting me because I decided to take a different path to the one she wanted during a family walk, screaming hysterically "I will make mum get a divorce etc. " or lying for things that I didn't do, thankfully proven, pulling my hair or even hit me) made my wife realise her daughter was no angel. But even after that and off course lots and lots of talks, my wife admitted she didn't have the psychological strength to act.
My stepdaughter's manipulating skills develop day by day. She skilfully finds the weak points in my wife's mother instinct, using them to get off the hook. With bursting into cries, she will have her mother hug her tightly, no matter what she did moments ago. With whining, she always gets what she wants. With her attitude, she literally rules the house, she will do anything she can in order do what she put in her mind without caring for the consequences. Therefore, the mood of the family is completely depended on her mood. By the way, her brother suffers from her manipulative behaviour too. It' s him who becomes the ''punching bag'' when I'm not home or manage to escape.
I know the first one to blame is myself, but I can be patient no more. This is an every day thing, it always finds me, I can't run, I can't hide. And this is the only reason to argue with my wife any more, apart from that we would be perfect. I know she's been through hell but she has to put her past life behind her and take care of that one. She barely finds the courage to protect me from her daughter and when I try to do this myself, I find my stepdaughter talking back ten times harder or even worse, my wife shouting at me for ''abusing'' her daughter while my stepdaughter is looking at me with a sinister smile from behind her back. When I try to talk about it later and in a low tone, she avoids the conversation or becomes an all-out attacker trying to find points to blame me or to tell me that I am the grown-up etc.
Having completely lost any defence for myself, I find myself desperate, feeling the pressure becoming unbearable. Walking away is the coward's option, ruining mine, my wife's and my stepson's life, with only my stepdaughter getting what she wanted once more.