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My partner encourages bad behavior. Help!

Detanon's picture

I did try to surf the forum for this beforehand but couldnt quite seem to find what I was looking for...I intentionally want to keep it general to understand as many experienced points of view on the topic as possible.

I have been co-parenting (not married) my partners daughter for about 3 years. 

We regularly have disagreements that ultimately end with no compromise. Argubally they seem unresolved. I try my best to talk through them but my partner seems to exhaust the topic and it does not get re-opened.

This is especially prevalent in my daughters increasingly bad behavior. So the boundaries of parent to child are very blurred. It becomes quite a bit frustrating when my partner decides to over rule any cooperative decision making on what I think are normal things like bedtime consistency, cut off on sweets, or if our daughter has fits she will ultimately support my child’s tantrum.

So my question: If you are a step-parent and you run into issues with your partner not sitting down to discuss who you can jointly organize your families principles, is there a correct approach to make yourself heard? Or do I accept their position and ultimately move forward with their concept and approach? 

Let me know if there is any way I can clarify.




Rags's picture

No, if your SO will not work with you to set the parenting standards in your home and does not parent to your standards you do not accept it.

For a blended relationship to work the partners in the relationship not only have to be equity life partners, they must also be equity parents to any children in the home regardless of kid biology.

When my bride and I went through this stage when SS-27 was in his mid teens I had to give her the message that if she was not going to parent and discipline that I would and if she did not like how I did it she could step up and get it done before I had to or she could have my back and discuss any differences of opinion in private away from the Skid. Prior to his mid teens we were pretty much on the same page regarding parenting.  We married the week before SS turned 2yo.

Time for your SO to get this message I think.

The partner with the most defined standards of behavior and performance trumps the one with nonexistent or less stringent standards.   Usually it is the latter that bites their tongue and supports the other. The kids get no say.

At least in my experience and opinion.

If your SO won't accept you as his equity life partner and an equity parent to his prior relationship spawn, then move on and find a new one who is worthy of you as their equity life partner.