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My Ex constantly harasses me about getting more time with BD

borrowedtime83's picture

Not step-related, but I am so fed up.
My BD's father is continually bugging me about getting additional time with my daughter. We have had 2 GAL reports done, in addition to him having to complete parenting classes, supervised visits, and anger management due to domestic violence with me, and other women he was with after me. When he transitioned to unsupervised visits, the bleeding heart male GAL gave him e/o weekend, one weeknight visit, and 2 weeks vacation in summer in addition to the holiday schedule. This is more than most NCP get with their kids EVER. In addition, I have tried to be flexible with him and allow him more time, provided that I was able to accomodate him.
Add to this, my daughter has emotional/behavioral issues and has therapy for different things about 6 times a week give or take, so no, he can't just keep her extra days when she has appointments.
Every time she has time off from school he wants to have her, whether it's his time or not. He "takes off" work whenever he knows she has off school regardless of whether I have told him he can have extra days or not, than acts like I am a bitch when I tell him no.
This week, he is throwing a fit because Christmas Eve is my holiday, and he is missing his weeknight visit. And also demanding that I let him keep her two extra days next week because he took off work til January. He also wanted to pick her up at 7pm tonight, and I said no, because the paperwork says Christmas day visit starts at 9am. He then alluded to taking me back to court for more time if I didn't accomodate him. He says he doesn't get enough time and it's not "fair", yet he got EVERYTHING he asked for when he took me to court by some grace of God, and now he doesn't want to follow the court order. And I'm sorry, but you slapped me and a bunch of other women around and still try to treat me like garbage, I don't care if you went to an anger management class and got a piece of paper, your behavior hasn't changed and I don't really care for you to be around my child, but I try my best, for my kids sake to tolerate you.

LAMomma's picture

I get where you're coming from. My ex thinks anytime he is free and not working the kids need to be with him. We agreed on a schedule and both of us signed off on it when we divorced. He even moved away to a city 40 mins away.. He couldn't sell the house he got in the divorce so he decided to move back because he had no other choice.

This past year he took me back to court to get more time and got very minimal time for the money he spent. In the past I've given up holiday time (last year the only holiday I kept the kids was Christmas) and I try to work around his work schedule since he doesn't have a normal job.

However he keeps playing these petty games of withholding child support and not paying on time, etc. His monthly checks are in the ten thousands ranges, he can afford it. He has the nerve to ask me to "make up" some time he will be missing in Jan. If I give up one of my days with the kids for him to keep them I don't expect to make that time up or get that time back. That's not how it works. Your time is your time and if you make other plans that don't involve the kids then that's YOUR problem. I'm tired of bending over backwards and in turn it's expected instead of appreciated. I try to keep an open mind and remember it's about the kids but that only feeds his actions sometimes.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Sounds like he might want 50/50. Hopefully he has learned some lessons thru his classes and has become a better person. If your daughter is enjoying the visits, I would not stop them.

Maxwell09's picture

Stick to the custody order. That's the only way to keep boundaries. Too bad, so sad that his week night visit falls on your holiday but most custody order state: "Holidays" take precedence over regular visitation schedule. There's no make ups to be had. Hs should have asked you to have her before he decided to take all those days off.

borrowedtime83's picture

Boundaries are a huge issue, even the GAL admitted this, and even in the order stressed that dad is unable to follow rules and pushes boundaries any way he can. I tried to be flexible with him, and all it got me was pushing buttons and manipulation. I am not worried about him getting custody, he played nice while the report was being made and then went back to his old ways a few months after he got unsupervised visits back. He rarely works, moves 3 or 4 times a year when the girl he is playing gets sick of his crap, and still doesn't really understand what being a parent entails. No, I never deny him visits and I don't talk about him in front of her, but I don't think he is "entitled " to have her whenever he decides he wants to