the demand to know exactly why there needs to be a doctor's visit is petty. Usually 50/50 legal just means that each parent can make the decision to take the child to a doctor for any reason, not that you have to have the other parent's permission. I had 5/50 legal with my ex for years (the kids are adults now) and never restricted his ability to take the kids in and he didn't restrict me. If the kiddos needed a doctor we just took them and informed the other of the appointment. 

I just don't see the need for a fight about it. Your husband can choose to attend the appointment and find out then. I would assume he doesn't want to give permission to go to the pedi,dentist, eye doctor, etc. A mental health professional is the same. 

If BM isn't being forthcoming about whatever issues she's identifying, then I think Dad should be digging in his heels.  He needs to be kept fully informed about the well-being of their shared child, which he can't do if BM is withholding information.  And I don't know about your insurance, but mine runs $41 per visit to the child psychologist, and we're responsible for 1/2 of that, so there should be communication about what's going on.  It's not like Dad can just not pay his portion because the issue is at BM's...  If I were Dad, I would refuse to allow the appointment, too.  And I'd contact the office to be clear.

OP, yes, this will be a lifelong issue.  We have an extra HCBM who loves to seek medical treatment for the skids.  It makes her feel good for some reason.  SD 14 is currently being seen by her pediatrician, a rheumatologist, a neurologist, and an orthopedist, all without DH's consent, because SD has headaches at school when she doesn't eat.  And she has joint pain because she does 4 days a week of full-impact karate.  Our attorney has advised us that because BM isn't consulting DH about these appointments, she's in violation of their agreement (she's not co-parenting) and he has cause to modify.  Oh!  And she has a psychologist, too, but DH is OK with that.

Honestly, if she feels the child needs to talk to a couselor - what is your fear?

Have your DH go to the 1st appointment, find out what is going on and make sure the doctor knows that he should be updated if the reason for her coming change. I think it is stupid she won't say why she wants to take SD but in the end it doesn't really matter why when it comes to counseling. Plus if you DH thinks that this particular doc is a quack, he can nip it in the butt before there is a long standing relationship. This wouldn't be a hill to die on for me...

i.e.- if it is preparing for acting out over new baby at BM's, there is not a reason to prevent those sessions.

DH should not argue about whether it's necessary, let her take the kid. But be sure he's informed of the visit and attends.

If joint custody becomes them arguing over everything, it's not impossible to imagine court giving her sole custody back.

The counselor my son went to said they needed both parents permission....they wanted me to get his dads permission who hasn't even seen him in 3.5 years and only let it go when I said I don't have his contact info. So he possibly can say no. I don't get why he would though? It probably isn't going to hurt anything. I'd say let her go and get info after the appt about what it was for. 

In situations where both BPs are financially responsible one should not be able to initiate non emergency care without the prior agreement of the other.

We got stuck with the entire bill for ER care for SS that was initiated by SpermGrandHag while SS was on SpermLand visitation.   The insurance was in my name and SpermGrandHag put me as the responsible party.  I was 2000 miles away.

I went to war with hospital and lost.  To recover half of the cost I would have had to sue the SpermIdiot.  But since you can’t squeeze gold out of a pile of shit the few $hundred was not worth the effort.  The judge would not hear our complaint when we were back in family court.

Honestly if she takes you to court you guys will look bad. As long as she’s taking the child to the same psychiatrist I’d allow it. They already worked well with you and the situation. Refusing to allow it makes it look like you’ve got something to hide and her refusing to tell you doesn’t mean anything. All she has to tell the judge is that daughter was making claims against you and she didn’t want to out the child because she was afraid of you guys punishing her.

So what's yr DF's problem? Just wanting to flex his newly found 'muscle' that he got a mere month ago?

If the child was having some issues, found a dr se could relate to, one that helped the child (per you) "drastically", what possibly could be your DF factually be objecting to? Cost of 'treatment' would e no different than the last go round ( I assume insurance et is the same), and you both have been invited to participate. If BM were wanting to be argument and/or high conflict she could have shut you out of the appointment. She didn't.

Lots going on in this little girl's life. BM being pregnant, a new sibling, Dad about to remarry... maybe kiddo just needs to talk it out some more. What's not to agree over it? If it turns out to be silly and or a unnecessary thin after a couple appointments, maybe then discuss the necessity or lack of again with the dr and BM. Why shut it down immediately when you acknowledge how helpful the sessions have been in the past? 

IMO, Dad seems to be te one being difficult right now.