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A little bit of relief

bwhit72's picture

So after the SS17 lying, stealing, etc for over 5 years plus, we sent him to spend a month with his grandmother to clear our heads and everyone cool down a bit. I sat my husband down and told him that the last time his son had these meltdowns and said he wanted to leave, he went to school and called the police on me and said I was beating him in order to get what he wanted. Luckily we have cameras installed SO, that didn't work out for him. BUT, My husband is away for a 6 week school and I just told him I don't feel comfortable with him being here when his dad isn't at this point. EVERY, so not matter what it is, school, work, military duties.. he cannot be here alone with me anymore. Who knows what the next lie will be. This isn't the first accusation to be thrown at one of us, so better safe than sorry.

Rags's picture

He is not a young child. As a 17yo he knows damned good and well the difference between right and wrong, the truth and a lie. His lies could very well have found you in prison had you not been smarter than he is.

I would close my door to him for the rest of his miserable lying POS life.

End of problem.

bwhit72's picture

I am. I will not be around him or do anything for or with him at this point. I have 5 stepchildren and he and his sister are the spawn from The devil. The other three from the second marriage are just peachy and our relationship is great. I felt 100 pounds lighter when he left yesterday.

donewithdrama35's picture

Wow- so messed up. It shouldn't even be a consideration to leave him alone in the house with you after that happened. Absolutely not. He needs to go somewhere else or your hubby may have to get out of going away. Either way- but not you being alone in the house with him.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Good on you for standing up for yourself and establishing boundaries! *cue thunderous applause*

I hope your MIL gets the Full Monty of toxic skid b.s.

Harry's picture

If he can not understand what his DS did to you. And did not band him from your home. You have a much bigger problem with your DH. 

Plus's He not parenting his SS. Not giveing DS punishment for his actions. He putting DS on a higher level then you.  If he got away with what he did ( and he did ). What is he going to do next 

bwhit72's picture

is ground him to his room, take things away BUT no real punishment for the severe things he has done and there is a LIST much longer than what I opened up about. There's more and somewhat worse stuff. He is gone for now and I will revisit this when and if he decides to let him come back. I love him dearly and most of his kids, just not this one or his sister. They truly have mental issues and I  cannot stand either of them. i feel like a horrible person for feeling like this.

Siemprematahari's picture

You are not a horrible person and your safety should be 1st and foremost. Personally your SS staying in the home with you and H shouldn't be an option unless your H sees real significant change and you actually agree to it. Your SS's accusations are serious and who knows what he will say and do next. It's not worth risking so please OP take care of you. 

HowBoutScottyDont's picture


I would not be ok with SS being in the house at all. His accusations could have landed you in very big legal trouble. Thank goodness you had the cameras up.

If you are not able to get him out of the house, which I firmly believe is a problem if DH wouldn't agree to it, do you have other safety precautions in place? Locks on doors?

Exjuliemccoy's picture

You are not a horrible person. You're a good person in an untenable situation that is not of your making. Your H has not protected you as he should, so you're taking steps to protect yourself.

When weak parents won't draw the necessary boundaries and are willing to sacrifice their partners at the alter of guilty parenting, a stepparent either becomes collateral damage, leaves, or lays down the boundary on their own.

You're simply handling your business. Too bad it's come to you having to strap on your lady balls, but if your H had handled his business, you wouldn't have had to.

bwhit72's picture

And I am BEYOND unhappy about it. He has been away now for 3 weeks and all is calm here. I know he's his son and he is missing him and doesnt want to just throw him aside BUT I'm not prepared for the chaos again. I also don't want resentment between the two of us in our marrriage over these issues.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

So say NO. No way. That doesn't work for me. That would put a great strain on our marriage. My health can't take anymore of the stress SS causes.

Say whichever you like, but draw a hard boundary. Who cares if your H is pissy? He IS the one who should be experiencing uncomfortable feelings, because he's the one responsible for the monster his kid has become.

DON'T BACK DOWN. And put together an exit strategy. Have a bag of essentials ready in the trunk of your car, copies of important papers at a safe place away from the home, money squirreled away, and a place to go. Sometimes you have to be willing to go all the way before these idiot parents will back down.