I think the IDEAL situation is raising children in a happy two-parent family, but I also think there are plenty of single parents out there who are raising successful, functioning children. Otherwise, I agree with just about everything else.

Men's reproductive rights - or lack thereof - is a subject that really resonates with me. My husband had three children with his ex-wife. None of them were planned. The two youngest were conceived when she said she was on the pill, the oldest isn't even his. (She cheated, got pregnant.) Here's the progression... they got married young and had problems right away, there were a lot of break-ups, he was deployed to Kuwait during the first Gulf War, she got pregnant by someone else and tried to pass the baby off as his for as long as she could, eventually he learned the baby was not his but opted to stay and raise the child as his own and try to work on his marriage, she said she was on the pill but wasn't, she got pregnant soon with second child to make sure she could hold onto him, she sneaked in pregnancy number three when she felt like the marriage was ending so that she would have more ammo to hold him. The two youngest were "make-up babies." They would be on the verge of divorce, then she'd talk him into trying to work things out, he would agree, they would reunite and she'd sneak in a pregnancy to cement him into the relatioship. She cheated off and on and finally it got to be too much and they split for good. She took off, moved out of state with the kids and my husband was left paying more than half of his paycheck to support three children that he had zero say in conceiving, wasn't allowed to help raise and never got to see because she won't let us have them for visitation. Oh, and we are constantly criticized for not being involved, although she ignores every attempt we make to try to be more involved. How's that for fair?

My husband and I got married and he adopted my son from my previous marriage. That was his choice, his suggestion, his idea. We also discussed having a child together and we decided to try to get pregnant. I did, but miscarried. It was very hard on both of us. We tried again and succeeded, having a beautiful daughter. When our daughter was two, we decided we wanted one more baby, so we tried again, but suffered another miscarriage. After a year or so, I wanted to try again, but my husband said he couldn't watch me go through another miscarriage. I wasn't getting any younger. So it looks like we are not having more children. It's not my choice, I would love to have one more baby, but I also know that this isn't a decision that you can compromise on... you can't have half a baby and you can't have a baby with just one parent. When it comes to reproduction, both parties have to be on the same page or someone loses. But I think that the person who makes the choice unilaterally is that one who should be held accountable for it.

Here's another problem I have... I don't think it is fair that a woman can choose to give her child up for adoption, but a man cannot. I don't think it's fair that women get all the free help they need to collect child support, but men don't have equal help in getting visitation rights enforced. I don't think it's fair that men get trapped into paying child support for children they didn't know they were conceiving in situations where the woman lied and said she was on the pill. Yes, a man can put on a condom and know for a fact that he's not creating a baby, but in a marriage there's supposed to be trust and a husband should be able to trust his wife to be taking her birth control pill. I mean, one of the advantages of being in a committed marriage is that you don't have to use condoms, anymore, right?

I think there are some good fathers out there and some bad ones. I think there are likewise some good and some bad mothers. I think that carrying a baby in your belly for nine months does not give you supreme parenting knowledge. Pregnancy alone does NOT make you a parent. Caring for a child, raising a child, loving a child... those are the things that make you a parent. I'm blessed with a husband who takes an active role in parenting and I know that if, God forbid, we should ever divorce, we'll be able to continue parenting together even if we can't live together as husband and wife anymore. But then I think my husband is blessed, too, because I support him in being a father. Hell, I want him to be an involved father... less work for me!

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

Any man can be a father it takes a real man to be a Dad!!!!

I think every generation will 'judge' the next generation as worse than the last. This has been going on forever....... and it will continue