I Feel Like Such A Bad Person For This
I everyone. I'm having a problem with feeling resentment and dislike towards my youngest stepson. I feel this way because his mom doesn't attend to his medical, dental, emotional, developmental or nutritional needs, and now I'm partially responsible for "fixing" or dealing with it. My 2 youngest step sons are overall good kids, but both have rotten decayed teeth (even tho my hubby provides health and dental). The 8 yr old only weighs 57 lbs. (WTF). The 8 yr old appears emotionally and developmentally SLOW! not hindered, SLOW!!!!! This kids only gets good healthy home cooked meals when he comes here to visit. He just learned to tie his shoes at 8- thanks to us; He is so overly affectionate he wants to be picked up and held like a toddler/infant. I'm a little wierded out by that...
I've never seen a kid at his age, especially with brothers around who DON'T act like that, seek out such infantile affection in abundance, as he does. I try to make myself feel the same for him/them as I do my own biological kids, but I dont. I feel like a bad person but I can't help how I feel. The youngest one seems to have fallen thru the cracks the most - but just doesn't seem to appreciate or "Get" what I do for him.
- How do I deal with this?-
i would consult his dr and
i would consult his dr and tell them about this and have him evaluated. seems like severe neglect to me, along with possibly being slow.
Let me tell you...It
Let me tell you...It sometimes feels like "work" to be accepting and nurturing of step children. Yes, I do sometimes feel like a TOTAL ASS for getting as frustrated as I do. Between his slowness that nobody seems to want to do anything about (except bitch about it), the 8 yr old step son has a huge issue with lying. He lies at the most obvious things and THAT'S what I cant stand! A friend of mine asked me if it was jealousy that I was feeling. You know, it made me reflect. Could it be? Do I hate the bio- mom so much that I'm projecting it onto him? I dont have issues with the other 2 boys...just him. The other boys come across as normal, strong and confident. The youngest acts weak and timid.
I think that part of my frustration is due to the fact that dad( my husband) is to "easy" on the bio-mom. He will vent to me about how angry he is with her for not caring for the kids dental/health correctly, for not feeding them healthy foods, for teaching them to lie...etc. Yet, when it comes down to confronting her he either doesn't, or if he does, he sugar coats things, and talks to her like he's afraid to express anger or frustration. I told him nicely that he didn't need to be mean or disrespect her, but she wont take him seriously unless she knows he's angry. It sometimes makes me feel angry and a little jealous when he tries to act "afraid" to express how he really feels.
Can anyone tell me why this may be happening. Don't get me wrong; the fact that's he is respectful is one reason why I love him - HOWEVER...I don't like the feeling that there is an underlying reason for him acting like he's afraid of confrontation. Any help, ideas, comments???
Google "special needs clinic"
Google "special needs clinic" or "special needs pediatrician" in your area. There are plenty of people who deal with this sort of thing every day. I have clients who are special needs pediatricians and those facilities and their programs make a WORLD of difference in kids.
After talking to my oldest
After talking to my oldest step son he has actually shed some light on aspects of the situation. First of all, the dental issue is a non- issue. The young step sons' teeth are rotted and its the mothers fault - no argument there. However, my oldest step son has enlightened me to the fact that the 8 yr old exaggerates nearly every situation regardless of the importance of it; ie: leaving the bathroom light on, not pushing his chair in; to saying that he doesn't like his step father because he tells him and his brother to shut up. When I asked him if he used the words "shut up or be quiet" and he says that the step father usually says "be quiet" but sometimes says "Y'all need to shut up that fighting in there." Basically the kid is trying to villanize the bio- mom and step father...but the middle and older step son clarify that there is nothing inappropriate, etc going on down there...
One thing I cant stand is a liar. I hate being lied to and resent it when someone lies to me. I guess I can attribute it to the bio- mom teaching him to lie (Ive heard her do it personally)