how Should I manage this?
Good morning step moms and ladies
I have a general question on how you all will approach this issue.
I have two step children and now my husband and I are expecting our child together, his third and my first.
We have been married for two years and there are a few things in the house that are not exactly according to my likening as it relates to step children’s behavior.
For instance, I usually try to keep a very clean surroundings. However, I always find uncleaned dishes in the sink, their beds are never made, common areas such as living room etc will have remnants such as cups or throws unfolded etc. I find myself cleaning after them ( they are 16 and 11)
My husband is similar to me in his housekeeping in that whenever he is around will try to tell them to clean after themselves etc. However, he is not much in the house and I am not sure their expectations at their BMs house.
This morning however, I woke up to the smell of weed and I am infuriated because partly I think the culprit thinks that I probably will not pick up on it as this will not happen in my husband’s presence.
Or it’s plain disrespect towards me .
My dilemma is do I say something and start disciplining them myself or do I tell my husband to take care of this issue.
If I delegate these issues to my husband, then what happens when he is not around?
Thoughts please.
Thank you
Run to the drug store, get an
Run to the drug store, get an over the counter test, and have them pee in the cup. Take a picture and show DH and let him dole out the punnishment.
Make sure they don't cheat
Drug tests can be highly accurate... except when your teen gets a "clean" friend to pee in a ziplock and your DH stupidly does not watch the urine sample be taken, and the test results show they "passed." DH will then stupidly believe the skids lies, and also (BONUS!) get p*ssed at you for not being happy the skid passed the test.
Ask me how I know this!
Dont discipline them but
Dont discipline them but express your dislike of their behavior and report it to your husband. When your husband disciplines they will know it's you and they will start to be careful around you. Again, I encourage you to express your disapproval of their unclean and drug using behaviors. You are human, you get to express yourself. However, do not get yourself in a situation where you are trying to discipline you and they refuse to abide. don't get into that power struggle with them. Just disengage and dont do anything for them, but do express disapproval.
Thank you for your response.
Thank you for your response. I am just afraid this will backfire on me, just in case there is a time where my husband is unavailable to carry on the disciplining and I would be stuck with bad behaviors. What do you think?
If DH isn't there, skids need
If DH isn't there, skids need to know that you are the boss in his absence, period. DH needs to reinforce this message.
Don't show then any emotion
Don't show then any emotion or vulnerability. Act like you are not to be inconvenienced and that you don't give a crap. Let go of some power though and pick and choose your battles. If they leave dirty dishes or dishes on the table, or don't clean their rooms, don't give a shit. Leave it all for DH to come back and clean. But yell "You guys have left this place a total mess!" don't say "you guys better clean this place up" because they won't, just say "Holy crap, This place is a pigsty!," and giggle, then go back into your room and read or go to lunch with your friend or whatever it is that you do. If they smoke pot when DH isn't there, state loudy "This house smells POT! May I ask that you open your windows! Geezus Christ!" Who cares if they smoke pot. In some states it's legal. You're not the drug police unless it's affecting your biokids. Then I would bust down their doors and tell them to stop that shit or I will call the cops.
Yell loudly something like
Yell loudly something like "It stinks like POT in this house!" I yell "This place is disgusting!" or "My scissors are missing again! Honey can you go and search the kids bedrooms!"
This sounds funny, but I am
This sounds funny, but I am sure it’s effective. I will need to try it lol
If your husband isn't around
If your husband isn't around for chunks of time, you have to have authority to handle situations, especially as the second skid enters the teens and you have a new baby. That's a lot to handle with no authority to do anything about anything.
But don't just start doing it. The kids don't sound as if they're used to you disciplining them and that will cause a lot of conflict that might be avoided. Do this methodically after talking with your husband about it.
Tell your husband about the pot as the start of a conversation about how you and he should handle things when he's not around (because it likely will require him to back you up to be successful). Set some parameters for how you can transition into a more authoritarian role, if you're comfortable being an authoritarian. You don't mention how you get along with them -- maybe it's a good enough situation that they will accept that you're telling them "no." If not, he will need to remind them over and over that what you say goes whether he's around or not because it's your house and you're the adult.
If your husband isn't willing to let you parent them, then he needs to handle them when this stuff happens, not when he rolls back in a week later. You can't have them partying it up while you're tending to a baby. I hear pot isn't great for newborns
I'm actually surprised that you haven't had to figure this out sooner -- are they just really good skids that haven't given you much trouble in three years? That would be great! Regardless, you need to keep order when he's not there. Kids don't behave better as they enter their teens. The more you plan for bad behavior, the better you'll be prepared to handle it when it happens.
Call the police and let the
Call the police and let the stoner deal with the authorities. Your DH does not really matter in this case IMHO. Your are home, you enforce the rules. Don't tolerate this crap and confront it ruthlessly each and every time.