How to discipline
I'm having a lot of problems with my stepdaughter. She's fifteen and her BM isn't really in the picture. My husband is away on business and can't really discipline her when he is. The story is really long but there are some major problems. I married her dad when she was ten and I have always had a problem with her and her attitude. Normally I can deal with her, but the only people she really behaves around and respects are my husband and her aunt. The reason this is because of her discipline. Whenever she disrespects her father he can threaten her with punishments. Her aunt is the only one who has ever truly disciplined her. My husband believes that only females should spank his daughters and visa versa. Only her aunt has ever spanked her. Her aunt is the main disciplinarian and whenever I was having a problem with my SD her aunt would give her a sound spanking and that would normally change her attitude for a while. Now there is a problem though. Her aunt is moving far away and with her father traveling with work, I don't know what to do. My husband says its okay for me to spank her if needed, but I don't want to ruin our relationship. I would try a different discipline, but mine of them seem to phase her at all. I really need to be able to have control in my household. I just need serious help.
imo, 15 is too old for
imo, 15 is too old for spanking. my oldest bio is now 10 and I wouldn't spank him either. too old.
(I know this is an older
(I know this is an older post, but if I can help, I will)
One of DH's clients recently had some major behavior/discipline issues with her teenage daughter. She drug the girl out into the front yard and sprayed her with a garden hose until she apologized. Her attitude greatly improved after that.
SD8 runs laps around the yard, does push-ups, or writes 'I will not (whatever she did wrong)' at least 10 times when she breaks the rules. She recently tried to tell me she forgot how to add, to try to get out of homework - not, I can't figure out the answer, but 'I just have no idea how to add!'. She did push-ups until she remembered - and let me tell ya, she remembered pretty quick.
Another, less harsh, thing we do with SD8 is just talk to her. Have an open, honest discussion about what's going on. I've even told her stories about when I was younger and got in trouble, what problems I caused by acting how I did, and how my actions affected the people I cared about. We always give her time during these talks to say ANYTHING - without judgement, without fear of getting in trouble. She knows she can honestly tell us how she feels and we absolutely will not get upset and she will not get in trouble. This has done wonders for our relationship and has made it much easier for her to open up and talk to both me and DH. Her BM is a narcissistic sociopath, and she has never really been allowed to 'complain' or speak honestly when she doesn't like something or is unhappy about something - until she came to live with us her whole life revolved around making BM happy. DH told her once - 'It's not your job to make mommy happy, you are not on this Earth to entertain your mom and fix her problems. You know that, right?' SD8 just stared at us, open-mouthed - and said 'I'm not? That's not why I'm here?' She couldn't believe it. You could just see the stress and pressure to please her mother lift from her. These open, honest talks have revealed a lot to us about what her life was like 'before', and made it so much easier to understand why she acts the way she does sometimes.
Good luck to you, Sparklegirl14. I hope things improve!