Don't hate them don't like them
I'm 34. Never married, never been pregnant (trying to be responsible) I've been with DBF for 3yrs now and we are discussing marriage. He recently moved in w/me to save up a bit in preparation of getting us another place to live. Once we marry I want to have 2kids so we need a home to accomodate that. His BM has been diagnosed with a MH issue. So he has 2 kids SD17 and SD9. They for the most part are good and obedient. I don't like BM at all. She has a criminal record, can't or won't work and basically sits at home all day taking care of the youngest.
SK17 is with her grams (his mom) b/c her and her mom can't get along. She got expelled from school. She talks to boys/men via social media and texting and she is now sexually active and on BC. From what he says she is doing better at his moms.
He gets his kids from time to time. I don't like them all like that. I like that I don't have to do much with them. I just ask that they clean up after themselves. I don't like the SD17 b/c she is lazy, grossly overweight (her parents feed her fast/junk food), she lies to her family (typical low self esteem girl trying to do stuff to win boys affections ie sex, sextexting etc). Whenever he tells me something her and how him and BM tries to handle her I try to help by offering suggestions. He doesn't like that. Guess he doesn't feel I say nothing about the way he parents. Example: SK17 came to visit. I come home to find my apt smelling foul. I checked to see if my trash needed disposing. NO. It SK17 on my sofa with her mini skirt on. So Ok its her. Thinking it wasn't that bad.
We ran some errands in my car and took SK along . We were in a clothing store when I smelled it. It was worse. Smelled like roadkill and I am not exaggerating. I pulled DBF over to the side and told him. He said he noticed it too since the house but he didn't pinpoint the cause. He says that him, BM and his mom has all told her about her BO. I'm also a healthcare worker and I know this isn't BO which has a musky smell. This smell was similar to a dead animal in the road and it was coming from her crotch. I told him she needs to see a doctor. It maybe a bad case of bacterial vaginosis. He talks to his mom/sis and they said they were taking care of it. Later I asked if they took her to the doctor. He says no she's lazy and overweight she needs to be more clean. I tell him if this is a medical issue she needs to be treated. Poor hygiene may have caused it but it's out of control. If you out I was public and ppl smell you, it's out of control. I dare not say anything about her and sex. He got mad, b/c I interrupted his reading time. Basically he didn't want to talk about it.
This is just one example of how when I offer my input he shuts down. In my mind I'm thinking they are denying SD medical attention. In my mind I am thinking no wonder she is sexually active trying to be accepted by anyone who pays attention to her. No wonder she has low self esteem. She's 17, 5'7 and 250+lbs and her family is feeding her junk and isn't encouraging any physical activity. No wonder she was expelled and not doing too well in home schooling.
Then I think why do I give a flying F? She's not my kid. As long as she doesn't disrespectful me or my home I shouldn't care. But I kinda do. I love DBF but I just hope he doesn't think I will treat his kids as my own. SK9 she is obedient but she is loud and spoiled. She comes over and moves stuff around not putting things back or not cleaning up after self. Told DBF I'm not housewife. Unlike her mom I have a job and I chose not to have kids so I only tend to my own messes. So he tries to pick up after her but it's my home... I know where everything is and where it's supposed to go. He doesn't...plus most men are absent minded when it comes to cleaning. So I don't like that I have to go behind both of them. Plus the young one harassing my pets. I found her trying to pull my cat out of its hiding (comfort) spot behind the sofa. One day she erased what I had on my dry erase board to practice handwriting, then says, "My arm is hurting from writing. I must keep writing until you tell me to stop" I got annoyed b/c I was studying (medical/work related stuff). I ignored her then she just kept saying ouch ouch, make me stop, make me stop. I thought she would stop but no. After 30 seconds I walked out the room. Not having no kids to this? Ughhh
My problem is this... In planning for the future and us moving to a home where we will live together everything will be in his name. And SD17 will be moving in because at the rate she is going she will be depending on DBF until she matures and show some hint of responsibility. I hope she doesn't end up pregnant. SD9 will be there every other weekend and when she is out of school. I feel like I will be a prisoner in my own home. I've considered having my own place, a small apartment so I can go to when his kids come. Any married ppl living like that?
Sorry for the length and maybe being all over the place but I found this forum on my cell phone because I was so upset and couldn't sleep thinking about all this. I've been up all night. I said I wouldn't even date a man with kids and my dumb ass allowed such a man to make me fall in love with him. :?
Excuse any grammatical/spelling errors. Getting too sleepy to check all this text from my cell phone. Thanks.