Disrespectful step son
So, I have been in my stepsons life ever since he was born. All the way up until about a year ago I've always had a part on how he was raised/disciplined (to a point), but was always asked for my input. Well fast forward to age 16. My stepson is out for every sport you can think of (which is great) so as soon as he was old enough to drive, my husband bought him a truck (which he did absolutely nothing to earn) just so we didn't have to keep taking him and picking him up for practice. This is fine with me as long as he's keeping up his grades, getting home by curfew, and just being respectful in general. Well pretty soon he made friends with the wrong group of kids and his whole demeanor changed. He wasn't asking us if he could go out anymore, he just started doing it, he wouldn't be home by curfew, he's admitted doing drugs ( him and his friends were actually bragging about smoking weed at a basketball game, causing them to drug test the whole team, which the school didn't do again because they lost half their basketball team. Don't even get me started on that!) There will be times where he wouldn't show up for days, even months! His parents nor the cops would do anything about it, because they had life 360 and knew exactly where he was and he was going to school. If that were my kid, I would have went to the place he was staying (which was known as "The Drug House" and pulled him home by his hair! I was told to stay out of it and that they would handle it. They had a "talk" with him and told him he wouldn't be going out for a very long time. Well the sweet talker that this kid is got to go hang out with his friends the very next weekend! I told my husband that his truck and phone needed to go asap until he could learn to respect our rules and once again I was told to stay out of it. His mom acts like she's on our side and then turns around and gives him everything he wants. One time after his 1 month skip out, I talked my husband into taking his truck. That lasted one week, because he took off to his moms and she'd call everyday venting about how he needed a car and she couldn't afford to buy him one, and then she found one for 1500 dollars but that one wasn't good enough for him and if he couldn't have a grand prix he didn't want anything. So he gave him his truck back. He has pushed my husband down the stairs and they do nothing! My husband kept asking me what he should do and I kept telling him take the phone and truck away! Nope that's too drastic! I finally through my hands up and told him to never talk to me about his problems with his son again until he was willing to do something about it! Final straw... about 2 weeks ago he pulled his normal crap, and my husband must of had enough, he took his phone and his truck and then sat down with him to tell him why. My stepson just goes off, telling him how much he hates it here, and he doesn't feel like home here (he's been living with us for the past 4 years with my husband still paying child support might I add. He wanted to move here, it wasn't a forced thing. So, his dad tells him if he hates it that much, when school is done for the year we'll back his stuff and he can move back to his mom's (an hour away). He says he still wants to go to this school because that's where his friends are (his loser friends). His dad tells him that's to bad, he's not dealing with his disappearing and disrespect anymore, and that if he hates it here as much as he says then it'll never end. I thought good for you! Well he took off again, came back in the middle of the night. Didn't go to school until halfway through the following day, the day after that he didn't go to school until the second half again, when my husband/ his dad went in to make him go to school he pushed him to the ground (we don't fight back with fear of getting arrested for child abuse) packed a bag, and ran out the door. I ended up coming home that night to our surprise. My husband had a meeting to go to and I had to work till 8, so he was home by himself with my 10 year old son. My son calls me at work to tell me that my stepson was riffling through the house, and that my son locked himself in a room because he didn't feel safe, so my blood is pumping! Turns out he found another phone to work, which was in my bedroom in my side table drawer. I freaked out! I took a golf club into his room demanded he give the phone back and when he called me a stupid fucking bitch and told me he didn't have it, I smashed his TV with it (the golf club). He tucked something under his pillow, so I dropped the club and grabbed the pillow, and there's the phone. I reached for the phone, he grabbed my hand with the phone in it and pulled me onto the bed, we wrestled around for a bit and then he body slammed me to the ground. I told him that was assault and I was calling the cops (which I told him months prior, that if I ever seen him put his hands on another human being again that I would). The cops came filed a report, the whole time he's running his mouth about how he kicked my ass and kicked his dads ass just earlier that day, and how that phone was his and he bought it and we can't keep it (he has never had a job). He even pushed the cop and the cop got right in his face but didn't do anything either. His mom came down and got him, and he admittedly starts playing the poor poor pitiful me routine. Which were not having anymore. Don't get me wrong, what I did was completely uncalled for and stupid and embarrassing, but I was stressed to the max. The very next morning she calls and said she had a really good talk with him and he's really sorry and that he still wants to live here and go to this school. I told my husband that I was not going to come between him and his son, but I had my son to think about and if he came back I was gone. He claims he's done with the bullshit but I can tell it bothers him, but at the same time I'm glad he's gone, and I hope he doesn't come back. Feeling this way about him makes me feel super shitty about myself and almost stresses me out more than I was before. The kid needs help (drug rehab, counseling or anything besides nothing! ), his dad is finally on the same page with me, but his mom thinks her son is God's gift to earth and as long as he's telling her what he's doing she's fine with it. She needs to stop being a friend and be a fucking parent! Am I wrong. If not, why do I feel so shitty about this situation? I know it's my fault that he's living with her now, and I can't take back calling the cops on him, but I also feel like it was going to happen eventually. I guess I just wish I can take it all back, but at the same time I don't. If anybody has any words of encouragement or advice, I'm open ears! Thanks for letting me vent!