Difficulting being on the same page with HB
So I decided to join the group to vent and hopefully get some good suggestions. My HB and I cannot seem to get on the same page with regards to our SS. My HB has a lot of guilt and lets SS get away with almost anything while I try to instill some sense of manors. Last night was bad, my hb wasn't home and I was doing some housework and talking to my SS while he was watching tv me. I left the room to fix dinner, came back and all of my housework was a mess again. When I asked him what happended (mind you he is 9 years old), he said I didn't do it while looking me in the face (and he is the only other person at home) and then I commented "didn't you watch me take the time to clean all of that up" and he again looked me in the face and so no I didn't. Unbelievable, so I told him that I don't like to be lied to and I was only looking for him to say that he was sorry and help me clean it back up but he refused so I told him to go to his room and clean his room...no yelling (I am not a yeller and never have been). Within 10 minutes my hb came home and of course my punishment went out the window. While the SS was downstairs I told my HB what happened and he basically said "what do you think he is going to say, he is afraid of you"...afraid of me, I don't yell, I would never strike a child and the only punishment I ever give is to send him to his room or no tv. He told me I am too hard on him and always picking at him...I have the nerve to ask him to eat over his plate at dinner, or use his utensils to eat with and say excuse when he burps or when he wants to speak to someone when they are in the middle of a conversation. Oh yeah and I also sometimes make him turn the tv off and/or his video games off sometimes and go outside to play or play a board game rather than all of the electronics. I guess this makes me the wicked SM. I am getting more and more frustrated and my SS is learning very quickly how to play the game but my HB doesn't agree with me. I am almost to the point of telling my HB that we need to go to some kind of counseling for blended families as my frustration is building more and more.
I agree with you, you guys
I agree with you, you guys definitely need to go to a counselor, because your hubby refuses to see what is going on right under his nose. If this continues, you are going to really start resenting your HB and you will start to feel like an outsider in your own home. You are right that your SS is learning very quickly to hide behind his daddy whenever you do something he doesn't like.
My SD21 is a freaking adult and she still hides behind her mommy for everything, because she knows mommy will let her have her way. If you don't put an end to this right now, you are in for a long road of misery. You need to also let your husband know that you should have a say in what type of punishment goes along with misbehavior. I know most books and/or psychologists say that the Step-parent shouldn't have any role in with regards to discipline, but I think that's just a bunch of B.S. That only works if the bio-parent knows how to put their foot down, and as you can see from being on this site that it rarely happens.