You are here

DH believes every deceitful lie from his kids

RLZ0073's picture

Good God, will it ever stop?!? Stepmom to 2SDs, 14 & 13. The elder is ADHD (& I believe Oppositional Defiant Disorder). The other is just a master manipulator.

Every time they come over, they each pull their dad aside and say, ‘she cut off my conversation with you’ or ‘she gave me a glaring look’. It’s hard for someone to give you a glaring look when their back is turned toward you, wouldn’t you say?

But the idiot falls for it and I get in trouble every time. But hey, every time they come into my house... they won’t even say hi or good bye, they’ve taken my stuff... but apparently that’s ok.

Every damn week this goes on and he says this seems to be a pattern with you... and I said, yes they make something up every time to get you upset with me... don’t you see that? 

I guess I’m just going to give up... let them win. We haven’t even made it to one year of marriage. Don’t think we will. 

RLZ0073's picture

Does he not see his kids are liars and manipulators?!? They’re frickin teenagers... that’s what they do.

tog redux's picture

If my SS had ever accused me of something that I didn't do, and DH had believed him, we would not still be married.

This is really not OK at all. You two need to be a team, which means if there is a discrepancy between your story and that of the skids, you are the one he believes, not them.  Every single time.  Unless he witnesses the incident, you are the adult, and your word is what goes.

This does not bode well for your marriage, IMO.

 

RLZ0073's picture

I agree. When they’re not here, everything’s great. We cook and have fun together. Meanwhile they’re pulling this same crap with their mom’s boyfriend. 

As soon as they walk in, I keep my head down and don’t say anything. 

My DH is a fool who believes anything these 2 say. He’s the problem. He’s so oblivious to their games. I guess he’s a Disney Dad.

A couple visits ago, I thought he had made progress as he grew a set and forced them to clean their bathrooms, make their beds, starting impounding their electronics & telling them to stop mouthing off at him.

where that guy went? I don’t know.

Somedays I wish he never met his ex. (They met and got married in their late 30s, with the purpose of having kids). Somedays I wish I never went on a first date with him. :(....

Oh yeah, the one who said ‘I cut her off her conversation’ meanwhile she was on her phone texting  at dinner? He made me apologize to her. Meanwhile she smiled at me while I did it. These twerps know what they’re doing.

i think I’m done with this.

MurphysLaw's picture

« He made me apologize to her. »

These people will destroy you. You better get out while you still can.

 

RLZ0073's picture

I’d say they already have. I’m back in therapy.

I hate to say it, but I hate these girls. Actually I feel real bad for them... their mom stayed at home with them until they 12 & 11. What the hell discipline and proper raising they got from her (a mental health professional) I do not know. Their Dad traveled the world for work.

The older one with the mental health issues actually says, ‘I’m the suicidal kid’ to play the sympathy card to achieve what she wants.

Little does she know I was suicidal at 14 when my Dad suddenly died, leaving me with an verbally & mentally abusive mom. So her bullshit, demented threats don’t scare me.

I love him... but I pray everyday that they’d (mom & kids) move or that the two idiots that gave them their DNA would get their shit together and come down on these twerps like a ton of bricks. 

 

Rags's picture

Don’t give up.  Instead.... WIN!   Call the locksmith, rekey the locks and out this ball-less wonder and his toxic spawn in the curb.

You win!

RLZ0073's picture

Actually I would be moving out. Even easier, right? 

He’s in denial that his own kids are liars, that they can and have lied to start shit between us.

What they do is now starting to affect how I feel about him.

I will never love these girls. Pity them? yes. (They’re so screwed in the head) And I expect most stepmoms do not marry a man for his kids. 

Even their own BM took a job so she could travel and be away from them... even though she’s the primary parent. She stuck them with her BF (who’s 51 years old) for 2 weeks. He actually called my H to get help as the mentally ill one and him got into it pretty damn bad. If this keeps up, he’s going to leave the mom... you’d think this would tell these two idiots that their kids are the source of all the discord in these two houses.

Rags's picture

Sounds like you win whether you rekey the locks or relocate.  People like your SO are mind boggling to me.

RLZ0073's picture

Right? It seems like the labels are reversed... he treats me like the guilty child and treats the two twerps like they’re sane adults... 

tog redux's picture

They sound like difficult kids, but really, HE is the problem here.  He has all the power to deal with their behavior, but he won't do it. He chooses to stick his head in the sand, for whatever reason, and ignore all the evidence that his kids are damaged people.

I'm not sure how you can love him when he betrays you like that, believing their lies - and wanting you to apologize to her?

Why are you putting up with this?

If you aren't ready to leave, at least lay it on the table that this is unacceptable and you expect it to stop.

Maria10's picture

He made you appologize to his kid? Sounds like you are being bullied and he participates in it.

NOPE!  Not acceptable behavior towards you!

Next time look him straight in the eye and just say no! Do not appologize or even engage! What's he going to do? Be forced to parent his little monsters properly? Divorce you for not enabling him to be a shitty parent and balme you for his failed childrearing?

Only one way to know what's gonna happen. Stand up for yourself and refuse to be manipulated and bullied.

 

 

ndc's picture

You "get in trouble?"  He makes you apologize for things you were falsely accused of?

You've got to be kidding me. What kind of adult relationship is that? Certainly not a healthy one.  Sure, the kids are stirring up trouble, but your DH is most assuredly the problem for letting them do it (and apparently helping them out).  Have you tried counseling with him?

Kes's picture

My DH used to believe all his daughters' pathetic lies, but he never believed any lies about ME.  That is because I have always had a reputation for being scrupulously honest and I hate liars.  If I had to contend with your DH I think he would be history before now.