Many of you know my YSD14.5 has always had decision making problems. She just freezes or refuses to make a decision much of the time, even if it's something as mundane like "do you want the purple container or the blue container?" I was the only one making sure that she was making a decision and she understood the ramifications of not making a decision (i.e. ok, then, no container, let's go) until I disengaged after a final grocery store trip with her when she was 13 and had a mini-meltdown when I told her to take the small cart and get what she wanted to eat at home - literally anything she wanted.
DH and BM have been tearing their hair out about what high school she's going to choose. She has about another week before she must choose. Both schools are online. At this point it will not affect the week on/off schedule she's currently on, but if school goes back into session she'll have to be at that parent's home more often. And that's the decision. It's not an easy one. I personally think the school near us is a better fit but I think she will likely choose BMs. Because BM.
Anyway, inspite of us knowing that YSD was going to announce her decision at the last minute, and DH saying he was done talking about it, he brought it up at dinner the other night. She refused to talk too much about it and squirmed ALOT. Then they got into a discussion about how to make decisions and why it's important. He asked her, "Hasn't anyone taught you how to make decisions?" SD, "No, not really, I don't know how." FFFFFFFSSSSSS! Amazingly I controlled my eyeball roll. Discussion continued and I left the table shortly after.
Last night DH brought up the decision making issue again (YSD is back at BMs). He said he was frustrated that 'no one' has helped her learn decision making. I remembered to remain neutral. "But do you think it's the SCHOOL or the PARENTS that need to do this? I personally think the parents need to teach this from a young age and that hasn't happened. The schools can teach some intellectual decision making but overall I think it's the parents that need to do this." DH - immediately gets huffy because "SM blaming parents again" and I said "We need to drop this now." Discussion was over.
How you you all teach your kids how to make decisions? So many of the skids never ever have to do this, the parents do everything for them. I mean, it should always be the parent helping them make age-appropriate choices and decsions and live with those decisions once they are made. Age 14 is too late. She's stymied. OSD never made "choices" she just did whatever she wanted but she was better overall if she HAD to decide on things; choosing between two pairs of shoes did not make her freeze up. Whenever I tried to help YSD with decisions around DH he always intervened by making the decision for her because it was taking too long or he was impatient, or didn't think I was right having her make a choice. So I stopped gradually and just don't do it any longer.