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From The Dad's Point Of View

The Girlfriend's picture

I am very interested in hearing the Dad's point of view. There is a lot of interpretation of why Dad's do or don't do things. I would really like to give the Dad's here, a chance to voice their opinions. I am sure that there are men reading this forum but don't want to write anything for fear of people ganging up on them. I will not judge you and also ask others not to judge but to listen, learn, and perhaps give some insight and advice. So, I am here to ask all of the Dad's a question. Why do you give in to your daughters?'s picture

LOL I have the same question. There are dads here, but I think the dads you are wanting to target would not be here, because they are usually ignorant that there are any problems to vent about. Can't wait to see the answers, though...

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

^Lol Draco, oh dear. I was fearful of my dad doing this but he was surprisingly calm. (My mom said he freaked out later.)

Well, with my dad he just doesn't know how to deal with us and our emotional needs (has only me and my sister, no sons) because he honestly has the emotional capacity of a potato and anything dealing with touchy feely stuff he's really scared of (I'm surprised my mother is still with him, and still loves him, I honestly believe she is the only one that can handle him).

So since he can never fundamentally understand us or connect to us in a way where it doesn't make us upset (no idea how to talk to girls, ends up making us cry because he's insensitive, no wonder he got married so late!) he tries giving us things to compensate for his lack of emotional connection.

But he always manages to mess it up, to the point where we always tell him not to give us things--for example we mention to him at a passing that we like to eat eel... he buys 36 packs of frozen eel, three weeks later, buys another 36 packs, and then can't understand when we ask him not to buy anymore and purchases another 10 packs a month later just in case we have changed our minds. He's done this with nearly everything (rice, noodles, cake--both me and my sister can't eat cake anymore because of this). LOL.

He even got into a huge fight with us because we didn't want to eat the tomatoes he grew for us... after he gave us so many tomatoes we didn't want to see another for the entire summer. Etc.

It's a compensation method I think. I feel bad for my papa, he is so silly sometimes. I try to talk to him but it's just SO AWKWARD... if it's not about business, he shuts down.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Oh gosh, yeah I thought as guys you would be able to bond over those things... I guess not. I have given up trying to have a normal conversation with my dad and we just recycle things he's comfortable with ie. health, academics, money, and work. I'm sure I will run out of things to talk about with him too...

(it's so awkward I sweat in my seat... when i tell fdh about my convos later, it's so awkward HE feels awkward. It worst when I am stuck on a car ride with him


"Did you... drink the chicken broth?"
"Did you... like it?"
"It's pretty good."
"Okay... I will buy you three boxes next time at the chinese supermarket. It's good for your ki."
"Okay please don't. Why is it good for my ki?"
"Well... when you... get married... and want to... you know, have kids..."
"Wait. Is this about babies?"
"...please ask your mom."

-20 minutes of uncomfortable silence and me praying for someone to shoot me in the head-

Now everytime we're in a car ride together, alone, he tells me "You should go to sleep. You don't have to stay up and talk to me."

Uh, dad, this ride is ten minutes long, and it's 2 in the afternoon.)

Dannee's picture

I can answer this questions very easily...For my husband..

My husband does not give into his daughters..
He is not a disney dad never was never will be..

He even has a daughter with CP..

My husband is big on respect...'s picture

It hadn't occurred to me before, but after reading all the posts and reflecting on my own "emotional potato" dad, I'm guessing that dads do it because they are the emotional "touchy feely" type and it makes them feel good to give, give, give. Parenting from emotion rather than logic is NOT good LOL