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Dads need to grow a pair and get a back bone

Stepmum2015's picture

Amazing reading everyone else's issues and difficulties with Skids. Everyone seems to have the same problems. I Posted about a month ago about co-sleeping. Advice was really helpful, and so reassuring to know I am not the only one dealing with the same crap. Made me Changed my tactics on the co-sleeping. Not fixed it yet, but determined to do this, for my SD, otherwise she will grow up with a unhealthy idea of relationships. I reward the SD when she goes to bed on time, I tell her that if daddy keeps her up no treat, we have a bed time bag, In the morning if she goes to bed on time with no messing there is a treat, things like an agreement to make buns or play a game of her choice. Next step is encouraging her to not need her dad. 

anyway to get to the main point, why can't these men just grow a pair, they are bloody pathetic, a child loves you because you are there for them not cause you have no boundaries, I genuinely believe the behaviour issues stem from the parents insecurities not the child's. I think they need the child to Constantly give affirmation that they want them,  it's a total fear of abondonment from the parent not the child that causes the issues. It seems to me that we are all dealing with spineless idiots that couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery let alone raise a child, I also think the reason they don't let you make the rules is cause a child respects and loves a parent that has clear boundaries and makes them feel safe, so when that is the stepparent it undermines them as the biological parent and feeds there abandonment issues. They all need to go to Councelling to address their own problems, then they might have a fighting chance of behaving like a parent. 

Valik's picture

This.

I view it as a weakness. 

Men/women who can watch deplorable behaviors from their children and make any excuse for their actions other than simply teaching the kids better behaviors are pathetic. 

They cannot accept the faults, nor can fathom a resurrection, and just ignore it. It's damaging gor everyone involved. There is no larger turn off.

shamds's picture

And therefore had a rough life.. which is why they’re excused into constantly being self centred disrespectful arseholes.

is that our fault?? Of course not!! Do they intend to use that excuse for life instead of making them grow the eff up?? Of course they’ll make that excuse for life!!

i reminded hubby if he thinks having a shitty mum that he chose and allowed to have kids with instead of divorcing her, and therefore those shitty kids that were produced are failures and unproductive members of society they he needs a newsflash.

My mum had a stroke when i was 21, evening before my job interview. I had to become the mumof my family and grow up well ahead of my years. I juggled a fulltime job, full time studies and overtime along with handling majority of household bills while my elder brother pissfarted around. That for me is a hard and tough life. What my skids went through is nothing compared to what some of us deal with

Rags's picture

Sadly there are far too many pathetic parents breeding these days.

If DH would step up and parent you would not have to reward a kid for doing what that kid should be expected to do.  I am not a proponent of rewarding kids for doing what is expected. Reward is for above and beyond effort.  I am also not a proponent of using chores as punishment since chores are an expected behavior as well.

I hope  your DH grows a pair.  And soon.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

That moment when you realize DH is actually training bad behaviors INTO the SKs to meet some deep-seated need and dysfunction.....smh.