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Controlling and Selfish Mother in Law

bethany_f93's picture

:? So I have a quiet but controlling and selfish mother in law. My husband and I were friends that has just started to date when we found out his ex was pregnant with my bonus kid. It has been rough the past few years with the ex, my husband, and the mother in law. BUT the one who causes the most problems are my in laws. The constantly want little A at their house and it has been a year since we started "supervised" visitation at the request of the mother and made a stipulation that the mother in law had to be present until final hearing. The parenting plan will be gone over and signed next week and overnights started one visit ago (every other weekend) she is allowed to spend the night starting on Saturday and then we move on to Friday and Saturdays. But the mother in law had her spend the night at her house and wants to spend the night at our house this visit. Now you might be thinking that the child needed to get adjusted and all but she has been doing long naps and sleeping at our house the whole time. Is it bad that I want my husband to little time with the in laws so that I can see her without my mother in law breathing down my neck or freaking out every time little A gets a skinned knee. Someone tell me that I'm not psycho crazy B... this should be about my husband and little A bonding as much as possible and more time with him than anyone which includes me I guess. I just feel like she is taking my place in everything and I love her just as much!

uofarkchick's picture

Right? Nothing cute about a man that went years without seeing his kid and then has to have supervised visits.

bethany_f93's picture

No one said it was years. He reached out many times during her first year to see her but his mom and BM were best friends (with a 30 year age gap) however they aren't friends anymore since the visitation battle started. She would bring little A to see grandma but not my husband and left without him being able to spend any time with her. You might want to get all the facts before you make assumptions

bethany_f93's picture

To be honest- I don't know what the hell I was thinking, I told myself I could handle it but ya know being dumb and young.... silly me

newcstep's picture

"I just feel like she is taking my place in everything and I love her just as much!"
Am I interpreting this sentence correctly to mean you feel like your MIL is taking your place and you love DH's kid just as much as your MIL does?

I think you and your DH really need to have a heart to heart about what "your place" is. I don't mean to sound unsympathetic. I understand how you probably feel. But it sounds to me like you and your MIL are fighting over who gets to play mom to this kid when she already has a mother. Please slow down and reevaluate your perspective. This isn't your kid or your free ticket into motherhood.

bethany_f93's picture

Yes I know. Trust me, I know this isn't "my child" but she's in control over everything and influences my husband with every decision. I have already confronted her about this and nothing has changed.

newcstep's picture

So I initially interpreted your comment as your MIL is taking your place as mom to this child. But if she really is controlling EVERYTHING (even outside of skid world), it sounds like maybe your real problem is your DH's relationship with his mother. You can't be fully wife to a man who isn't weaned from his mother. Confronting her won't work until you confront your DH.

bethany_f93's picture

Forgot to mention that even the mom has raised concern in counseling about my MIL's relationship with A and that she might be too attached to her.

uofarkchick's picture

Can I get some more info, please?
How do you know what the mother is saying in counseling? Are you all attending counseling together? Why wasn't your husband involved with the child for years? Why are there supervised visits?

bethany_f93's picture

This is what my husband tells me. He wasn't involved because the BM didn't want him to be, she admitted to planning the pregnancy. They are supervised because BM was sexually abused as a child and required my husbands mother to be supervisor or we couldn't have visitation.

twoviewpoints's picture

You realize, right, that MIL is doing what she is suppose to? Supervise. It's not MIL that is ordered supervised visitation. That would be your husband.

So why does your guy have supervised visitation to start with?

bethany_f93's picture

Supervised was supposed to end 2 months ago... after 8 counseling sessions with BM and husband it was supposed to be unsupervised. It is supervised because BM was sexually abused as a child and was afraid to let little A be around men. It was supposed to ease her mind l. Mind you she's not 3 yet and has child going to predator classes at her church so she knows how to say no to abuse