I coslept with all of my children. The hardest one to transition to his own bed, was my youngest son. I started transitioning him at the same time I weaned him from breastfeeding, though, which was 6 months ago at 2.5 years old. We still have some doozy nights, and it’s difficult. Really difficult for some children. 

I really have no sage advice or pro tips to share with you to pass on to your boyfriend. The only thing I can recommmend is sticking to a routine (bath, books, 5-10 minutes of hang time in the child’s bed, then a “goodnight”) and being consistent. 

If I were you, I’d probaby just opt out of staying over at his house until he has gotten over the hump with the whole cosleeping thing. Even allotting extra time for regression with it.

Who knows? This may even light a fire under your boyfriend’s butt to really buckle down and make the transition a permanent one.

edited to add: my DH coslept with his daughter when she was super young (3, 4 years old) around the time he and BM were splitting and he got his own place. Once we started dating, he started to transition her to her own bed in her own bedroom. It was difficult for her because it was a huge emotional attachment issue. DH too. BM even had major issues with it. Once she caught wind of skid getting the boot, because I was in his bed, she’d call up screaming and putting a sobbing skid on the phone. It. Was. Ridiculous. 

So what if he gets upset.  Tell him to get over it.  Of course you can't move in while the child is off the wall.  Why is he so gung ho for you to move in?  Does he expect you to share expenses and help with his kid?

The sooner he gets him into his own bed, the better it will be. My SD15 was still sleeping in the same bed as her dad when I started dating him, and she was 11. She continued to sleep with BM until she was almost 13!!!  Extremely creepy to me!!! 

Never cosleep with a child that is not yours. You are opening up yourself for a whole world of problems if the BM or kid are crazy enough. Can you imagine if you were a 35 year old male cosleeping with his stepdaughter and her dad found out about it? Keep your own place. Study him and see how he parents and how open he is to your suggestions on changing his current parenting styles like cosleeping. BM coslept with SS and it caused us problems in the beginning because neither DH or I don't partake even with our own son and the few times we let him sleep with us, we regretted it. To help your DH approach this without coming in seeming like the big walking terror trying to sever love connections, suggest to him things like the milestones his son should be meeting, the independence factor and how excited he would be to have his own bed and his own blanket. At four he is passed due for the "big boy" excitement of using the bathroom on his own, dressing himself, sleeping by himself with a nightlight etc. 

Holy crap!! DO NOT move in! Not until this whole situation is completely done with. Meaning kid sleeps in his own room, own bed and at 8pm like he is supposed to without the excuses and crying! As long as biomom still allows this at her house though, it is gonna be a long battle for this poor child to transition at his dad's. Shame on the parents. 

I get my Skids (3 boys) every other weekend and the 6 year old ALWAYS comes upstairs to our room. It drives me insane. The one time me and my SO were in the middle of doing the dirty and his son came up! OMG. Not cool. So I understand the intimacy thing 100%, now when his kids stay with us we just don't have sex the whole weekend. 

So my step son will be 9 soon and my bf still Streep with him no his bed every night, when we first met he said he was obessed with his son which I took as adorable. Now I’m in this relationship after 2 years and I constantly just feel like a third wheel that exists for companionship. My stepson does do much himself and I try my hardest to show him independence. But his dad constantly babies him. The co sleeping has made our relationship tank hard.

He has no business trying to get sex or having a girl over if his 4 year old shares a bed with him. 

Your BF is making an effort which is great. In order for his efforts to bear fruit sooner he should have a talk with BM about sleeping schedules and the like. Have you guys tried a sound machine? Or mp3 player with soothing sounds? 

As far as BF trampling you maybe both BF and his son could still benefit from a baby monitor. Just an idea. You might invest in a pair of earplugs too( yes I do own some industrial strenghth ones lol).

Both my SS were cosleepers. 

Ss12 still coslept with his brother(bm1 hand another son after ss12) at 10 ! Dh and I have a few jokes about it. Ss12 never coslept with adults except for BM1.

Ss6 was another story. Was 3 when we started and his BM2 slept with him in bed. She did not have a sleeping schedule... !!! Can you imagine when DH shrugged and told me his toddler smearing butter on the walls and playing all night long was normal!!! I said " Nooopeee siree Bob! He is getting a schedule here!.NOW!YESTERDAY!" So from then on he had a schedule and his own bed.

SS6 did not stop wanting to cosleep until BM got a new boyfriend.(bm and her now H are both 300+ lbs so SS could not fit anymore lol). He still has a hard time going to bed(2h at least) but we just go about our business after we put him in his room.

When I first moved in with my now DH, the SDs tried to get in bed with us once.  I made up a new rule, no kids in our bedroom EVER.  I also installed a lock on the door.  Here is how it worked, we walked the SD's to their beds, put them in, covered them up, said goodnight, went into our bedroom and LOCKED THE DOOR.  

Sure they came to the door and cried, but we never opened the door up, we just yelled, "go back to bed!"  Now, 9 years later, no sleep probablms ever, no bedtime problems.

I think your SS needs a really consistent bedtime routine that your DH sticks to. Also, DH needs to not give in to the crying. Eventually when SS's cries aren't getting the attention of DH, he will stop. Your DH seems to be reinforcing the crying by tending to SS. It should not take hours. My bedtime routine for DS3 takes 30-45 minutes and includes bath and stories. DH used to sit with him until he was close to falling asleep as long as he stayed in bed, which took another 30 minutes or less. Now, we leave the door cracked open and he falls asleep himself. DS used to try to get in bed with us in the middle of the night and we allowed it. Big mistake! Now, we just tell him to go back to his room and he does. It's harder to fix it once you've allowed it, so just stick with a routine and don't give in and your SS will eventually figure out that his antics won't work.

My DH coslept with SD until she was 6 or 7 and I think the only reason that ended was because they (DH and BM) didn't want to cosleep with both SD and SS. DH allowed SS (7 years old at the time) to cuddle in bed with him in the mornings when I first met DH. DH ended that after I said that I would not be staying over if there was a possibility that a 7 year old would climb into bed with me. Not sure if co-sleeping has anything to do with it, but SD is an extremely clingy person now.

As a child I slept in the same room as my parents. It was out of necessity though. It was 5 of us living in a less than two bedroom apartment. When my parents could afford more, I got my own room (not until I was 8). I get that the transition is hard and it all of a sudden feels lonely in a room by yourself. But, I bet my parents were ectastic when they finally got their privacy.

Nothing planting the kid in the middle of his own bed and instructing him to stay there won't fix.  Let him wail himself to sleep which is something that a good set of ear plugs will fix for you.

Each time anyone goes to comfort him, or find out what is wrong, or to yell at  him, etc... he is getting what he wants which is attention and to not have to go to bed.  No more water, no more flash lights, just bed, a quick kiss and  the adults go to their room and the kid stays in his.

IMHO.

Good luck.

It's such an innocuous term. Let's call it what it is: Oedipus (or Electra) sleeping.

Building a great Mom/Sonsband (or Dad/Daughterwife) relationship.

Don't let anyone gaslight you that you're judging too harshly... THIS IS UNHEALTHY, even if it isn't creepy.

WEAK PARENTING.

I slept with my folks ONLY RARELY, like when something REALLY unusual came up (people coming in from out of town and not enough beds, camping trips, I was sick and mom wanted to be close by, horrible storms and I was scared (must have been just a few times in my life, usually once the storm was clear, I was back in my own bed and didn't actually sleep with them), but never creepy - never a habit or ongoing thing - and as soon as the reason for this passed, I was right back in my own bed.

But, uhh... ask around. Post-divorce sleep arrangements are often stipulated in decrees, where non-blood-relatives may not share a bed with the kid because it's - uhh - CREEPY in the eyes of the courts. If my SKids wanted to hop into bed for sleepy time, I'd leave the room... Forget that jazz!

I think co-sleeping is a very personal choice, and while I co-slept (and still frequently snuggle with my four year old), I understand that not everybody is comfortable with it.

I agree that you deserve to be comfortable, and I think you have a good solution – sleep away when the kiddo is home. Don’t let Dad guilt you into staying and putting up with a situation that makes you uncomfortable. Dad has to make a choice, continue to co-sleep without you or take initiative with changing the situation so everybody is comfortable.

One extra note – a PP mentioned keeping to a consistent routine. I would also add that it is important to put the kid to bed before they are visibly tired or exhausted. It’s easier said than done, especially if you have a busy life, but kids have a much harder time going to sleep and sleeping throughout the night if they are too tired.

In the beginning of my relationship with Dh, his kids tried to sleep with us because they were used to sharing a room with him. I flat put refused to sleep on a bed with someone elses kid and went to sleep on the couch. After 2 times of that happening he switched the kids to their own room and does not allow them in our bed. Good choice lol

Please tell me y'all are still here bc I am having this same problem right now w my boyfriend and his 4 year old son. If someone could reply that would be much appreciated. I see this thread is years old. Please HELLPPPP!!