Building resentments toward SD8 and my fiancee
Hey everyone - new to the site and in need of insight/advice. My fiance had his daugher out of wedlock and BM is remarried with another daughter. Aside from one serious relationship where the girl was not hands on with SD8, it was just her and daddy on the days he had her. We see SD8 every Thursday night after school and every other weekend from Friday-Monday morning. Let me start by saying that BM has her hands full at home with her four year old, and SD8 has told us her mom often sleeps with her sister. When we first moved in together when she was 6-7, she would wake up super early crawl into bed with us for another hour or so. When she turned 8 and we got a bigger house (our old apartment our bed was in the living room so I excused it) I told him our bedroom is our sanctuary and she's too old for that (plus, I like sleeping patially nude, as does he, so I wanted to avoid the awkwardness of scrambling for clothes), which was fine with all parties until the regression. Lately, SD has regressed with sleeping - she always kind of complained about going to bed, but now she straight up whines, asks us if we're going to bed too, and when we finally get her to sleep (usually with her asking for two bed time stories and "cuddles" with her dad in her bed) about 50% of the time she comes into our room in the middle of the night saying "she's scared." The last time it happened, when we were putting her to bed, her dad said she could sleep in in the morning as late as she wanted and she actually asked "what if I wake up while youre asleep and need to wake you up." One night, he let her into our bed, where I was spooning him from the back and she legit was trying to push me off of him so her whole body was up against him and no part of me was touching him/in her way.
She also takes her own showers now (another thing my fiance's mom, sister and I had to unite on to make happen when she turned 8. SD was till asking him to give her baths), but the other night asked him for help because "she used too much shampoo last time." Luckily he said no, but it made me roll my eyes nontheless. She also asks him for help getting dressed, still cannot tie her shoes, and has him cut up her food because she has the cooridnation of a 4 year old. It's all very annoying, and fiance will stop doing it for a couple of weeks only for her to manipulate him back into it. I am also tryiing to break him of calling her "baby" as in "I am going to spend time with my baby" or "let's go pick up that baby from school" - partially because it's bizarre (even his mom corrects him "she's a young lady now) but also because I have had HIS friends repeatedly tell me they find it uncomfrtable or ask me why he does it.
SD8 also gets really offended if her dad and I talk about a trip we took on a weekend we didn't have her (to visit my family), doesn't like when he was was talking about my nieces and nephew and gets visibily pouty when we talk about date nights. Finally, and this is what really got me, her need for physical touch when I am touching him is out of control. It doesn't happen anywhere else except in our home when it's just the three of us, but if I am leaning on his chest, touching his thigh or have my legs draped over his, she has to do the same exact thing. I even watched her straight up start petting his upper thig (pretty close to his crotch) - it seemed absentminded and he stopped it, but still weird. THe nail in the coffin was the other night though - she was laying on one end of the couch, and fiance and I were snuggled up with my hand on his stomach and my feet in his lap on the other. So what did SD8 do? She repositioned herself so her head was on top of my hand, and proceeded to wimper and whine because I know my knuckles and ring were digging into her head and my feet were blocking her view. Now, two months ago I would've moved, but COME ON. Next thing I know, she is reaching her hand up TRYING TO PULL MY HAND OFF OF HIS STOMACH. WTF?! I finally got her dad's attention and he goes "oh baby did you think you were holding daddy's hand? that's quinn's hand silly!" and she like kind of half smiled and moved her hand away before shooting me a pouty look."
I am getting to a point where I don't even like being here when she is, scheduling workout classes for the days she is with us and just completely isolating myself but quite frankly this is my house too and her dad should be able to have adult relationships - I am just at wits end. pLease help.