Boundaries with MIL
Very new to this site (so happy I found it though),
My Fiancé and I starting dating over a year ago and got engaged in November. We both knew right away we were meant for each other and I got along with my future SS who is 8 right off the bat. I love that kid more than anything and I the day he told me he loved me was amazing!
So all that being said my Fiancé about 4.5 years ago moved into his parents place to help them out financially and it was easier for him being a single dad, he has 50/50 custody and is primary guardian which is good because his BM has some issues, but we are all on good terms for my SS sake.
so with my fiancé we were planning on getting our own place last year but with COVID things got messed up and I left my job (with provided housing) to save money and work for FMIL which meant moving in with them so we could save up money to buy something. My FMIL is a very type A controlling personality and I knew this when I moved in but was going to make this work. However I started seeing how manipulative she is with her husband, my FH, his brother, my FFIL, and especially my SS, now my Fiancé has realized how bad it really is and we are trying to set boundaries that keep getting broken, my FMIL has help raise my stepson and often says that she is his "mommy" (gag), she now has my SS tattletaling in my FH and I when we take him anywhere, and tries to keep it so my SS won't come to my FH if he needs anyth And only her. As of right now our hands are tied because as long as we are under their roof they won't respect our boundaries.
one of the reasons I moved and why my FH and SS didn't move in with me was because my FMIL said the custody agreement said my FH have to live in their town, and I lived 20ish mins away. After going over the agreement I with FH we realized that it says no such thing and several things in the agreement she said where in there are not. My FH is pissed that he didn't look closer to the agreement and believed his mother.
Good news is we have put in a few offers on places and looks like we could be out by them end of the month and BM said that we can work out a scenario for pick up drop offs once we find a place, and since one place we really want is about 15/20 mins out side of town she said that she will sign and we will get it noterized with the living Arangement and details (win!).
however my in-laws are not happy and said that my SS is going to stay with them several times, which will not happen because they literally have no legal rights to do so in the custody agreement. We know it is going to be a bit of a rough patch with my FILs but I want to have a positive relationship with them and let them be grandparents, but I am afraid that my MIL is going to go off the deep end and make it where she talks shit about me to my SS just like she does about his mom.
I am venting have asking for advice because I literally don't know what to do, and my FH is amazing at defending me and relationship with my SS. Because since I haven't birthed children my MIL made the comment that I don't know how to be around children, never mind my years of experience as a babysitter and a live in nanny in college. If someone has book recommendations I'll take them, or even sonata to vent with me let's hear it!