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Bm doesn't have son in school can dad take legal action?

Dtoliver1988's picture

Bm doesn't have son in school can my fiancé take legal action? He's 4! He can't count etc he's way behind educationally!

SecondGeneration's picture

It really depends on where in the world you are. Here children can be enrolled in pre-school from 2.5 years old, once they are registered they have to go to school daily. However proper school doesnt start until the child is 5 or 6, but here it is normal for children to be as school by their 3rd birthday.

Disneyfan's picture

PreK students aren't required to follow the attendance policies. No one will hold a 4 year old back for missing a huge number of days. Heck, even if the kid attends school each day but hasn't met the outlined benchmarks by the end of the year, the kid won't get retained because preK is optional. You can't hold a kindergarten student back unless the parents agree because kindergarten isn't rrequired.

mommy0104's picture

Hey HRNYC! I was about ready to give the same answer as I also live in Illinois!! I also heard they're trying to change it from 7 to 5..and I don't know about you but I agree with those changes! Kids learn a lot these days so the sooner they go the better...but yeah, I don't think at age 4, the issue can be forced.

Disneyfan's picture

In many states compulsory education isn't required until first grade. That allows parents to opt out of both preK and kindergarten. By 1st grade the kid has to be enrolled in some type of school or the school system or state has to be informed that the kid is being homeschooled.

The age cut off for when kids can enroll varies. Here in NYC, the cut off is December 31. So our preK programs are filled with 3 year olds.

fakemommy's picture

This is pretty much what I was going to say. Surprisingly, most states don't require a child to go to school until 1st grade (or age 6).

AllySkoo's picture

Agree, I don't think there's any "legal action" to be taken. I'm actually a bit confused why you'd WANT to. He's four. Make sure he knows the stuff he'll actually need to know before he goes to Kindergarten, but you don't need him to go to "school" to do that, you can do it on your time. He needs to be potty trained (completely), able to dress himself (including coat and shoes), have the ability to sit still and listen, good oral-language skills, and the ability to play well with others (no hitting, biting, fighting, etc).

You're in the US, so I'll tell you that they now do Common Core Standards - and they don't expect or even need kids to know a whole lot BEFORE they go to K. Sure, it's nice if he already knows some stuff, but the program is designed to teach it (and refresh it for any kid who's parents already worked with them). Don't worry, SS isn't behind yet!

Now, that said, my TWO year olds can count to 10, and if your SS can't do it at 4 then I'd think you might want to talk to your fiancee about getting him evaluated for developmental delays. He'll need to talk to BM, of course, but he might do better calling the pediatrician first and talking about his concerns. The pediatrician can then talk to BM. She might take it better from the doctor, if she and dad are high-conflict.

momandmore's picture

oh wow I feel so bad for your SD. Yes it has to be consistent. Just wow.. I hope your SD can have someone work with her one on one in school.

SD8 went through a year of "preschool" I think it was more like a daycare. SD was at the beginning of her Kindergarten year when I moved in and knew nothing she was supposed to know. I had to work extremely hard with her every day. SD is now an honor roll student.. Every grading period. I know it wouldn't be this way if DH didn't have custody. While deep cleaning the house when I moved in I found a folder full of homework papers on top of the fridge. I started doing the pages with SD as practice but then contacted her teacher to see if she could turn them in, teacher agreed and gave her credit for the papers.

Disneyfan's picture

Kids should not be forced into school at 4. However, parents should be forced to parent.

The academic stuff kids learn in kindergarten can be taught at home by either parent. If either parent happen to be super lazy, then Sesame Street will do the trick.

Maxwell09's picture

BM was going to fight DH on enrolling SS in Prek3 but both attorneys said that school before mandated Kindergarten is voluntary and not something a judge is going to consider to make custodial changes for. In other words she said if we are going to go then we'd better have other problems that need to be fixed otherwise the judge will be annoyed we are wasting his time

Evil stepmonster's picture

I don't know where you live, but here kids aren't required to go to school until they are five. My first one didn't go to pre-K and he wasn't behind or anything like that.
After five, your fiance needs to talk to the school and let them know what's going on.
And, if you don't like the BM don't take everything she does badly, trying to force her into anything will only lead to drama stress drama and a costly court battle.

OrangeUGlad's picture

I would suggest that dh request the sd have a developmental evaluation done. You can get it done free- contact her doctor and ask what the process would be/who to contact.

If she is developmentally delayed and they recommend an early intervention program of some sort and bm refuses, he can petition the court.

Disneyfan's picture

Even if the child needs early intervention services, mom can stil refuse to enroll him in school. Early intervention services can be privided In public or private school, day care center or in the child's home. As long as mom isn't trying to prevent the services, she will be free to decide where they are provided.

Rags's picture

Nope, for a 4yo there is nothing dad can do to force his X to put their kid in pre-school. I know of no state that requires pre-school. He can put the kid in school on his time though or even better, Dad can teach the kid numbers, letters, and to read.