Age to start dating ?
Forums:
Looking for opinions from everyone. You have such a wide variety of parenting experiences. My BS12+ (almost 13) is beginning to look at girls, text etc. Things have definitely changed since I was young, so I'm looking for your views on when it's okay to start group-dating, solo couple dates, etc.
Puberty is starting so advice is appreciated. I am looking to set the guidelines NOW before it becomes an issue.
What do you wish you had considered ? Thanks
BTW: I'm thinking 30yrs to marry and 35 to have children, (I think my son is a bit "slow-to-cook", but that is merely Mom's preference !! 
I think this is great
I think this is great commentary. I agree 100%
I'm not certain how
I'm not certain how "romantic" his intentions are, but he likes her and they are chatting, texting, sending photos of hermit crabs and cats. His friends in elementary had "girlfriends." This is the first that I have become aware of so far. I believe that it is currently quite innocent.
"They will have these relationships whether they tell you about them or not." -- tog. Okay. True.
The middle school girls in our area ... uhm, I guess that I'm just afraid for him. Visions of young BM's and BF's dance in my head.
In my era, I was given a set
In my era, I was given a set age --- 16 --- and wasn't asked out until 17. Irish Catholic family from the '60s. Went with the first one who asked me out. Zero social experience outside of my brothers. No group dates, etc. I was grossed out the first time that boy tried to "French kiss" me. Sigh.
So, I am willing to do some of the "Love & Logic" thing which is to give them room to make errors while the "costs" are less expensive. I mention this because I can hear the L&L tape playing in the back of my brain.
HOWEVER, I am not willing to stop parenting my preteen/teen boy. The shadow of unplanned pregnancies, neurotic "starter" marriages, and some of the nonsense I've read about on this board ... thank you to everyone who shares their experiences, their day-to-day lives. There are many of us who "lurk & learn."
So, of course, the Little
So, of course, the Little Sh*t who is my best egg, my only surviving-egg-composite had to escalate the issue by texting his friends to ask for photos of "girl friend." Now that I have confiscated phone, and I read texts ... there are weird texts, weirder than normal and the mention of $5 ... guess what? I'm guessing some drug or other ...
Gosh darn it. Loss of my parental virginity. I am being a smart-aleck, but it hurts, because it means that I failed.
My son is 13 and I've had
My son is 13 and I've had talks with him about "dating" in middle school and high school. I explained to him how stupid it is because by the time they graduate, these kids have dated or hated everyone in their class! Then, he got to see first hand what I was talking about by watching a couple of kids who ALL they cared about was getting a new gf every week. He gets little crushes and stuff, but he gets that it makes no sense to pursue anyone any time soon. We homeschool, so he has the privilege of watching some PS kids screw up without being in the midst of the peer pressure himself. It's crazy out there!
Homeschooled 4th grade and
Homeschooled 4th grade and re-integrated into public school. Other than social interaction which is hugely important, I can't say that I am impressed.
Jr. High/Middle School is
Jr. High/Middle School is when I started "dating". Nothing major. Meeting girl friends for a movie with a few of my buddies. Meeting girl friends and some buddies at the skating rink/bowling alley, arcade on a weekend evening with very clear parental pick up times arranged.
If that counts as dating then 7-9th grade ish.
Actual dates, a bit older 9th/10th grade. For me emotionally intense dating did not start until 9th grade and really kicked off in 11th grade.
My Skid did not actively start dating until his Sr. year of HS. He had a shit ton of girlfriends but those were mostly girls in his group of friends who would latch on to him. Most of his dating until Sr. year was group dating when a herd of kids would go out for dinner or to one of their houses for a party.
Don't get me wrong. I had girlfriends in grade school but that was a token thing at best. 12 is a bit young for true dating IMHO.
I agree. Sometimes right out
I agree. Sometimes right out in the open...and we have a police officer stationed in our building too!
I dunno. My younger had her
I dunno. My younger had her first "b/f" at 10 - the 10yo across the street. His Mom and I would take them to dinner - separate tables - they'd walk to the bus stop together, hand-in-hand, sit on the bus together, eat lunch together. All very sweet and innocent. On Valentine's Day, he brought flowers and a teddy bear, and stole a smooch. Then he moved and she didn't have a serious b/f until she was 16. Frankly, most of the boys her age were afraid of her. The boys who were brave enough to show interest were always welcome here (as she was at their homes), with supervision.
My oldest started dating in HS, so around 14/15. Same deal about being here. Or there.
With both, there was a lot of talking from both sides about the important stuff. Keep the lines of communication open, and the leash doesn't have to turn into a choke collar.