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8yo SD told me to “shut up”

Stepmomish55's picture

My SS (6yo) and SD (8yo) were called into the kitchen. SS was coming in quicker and yelled out "I'm going to win". SD responded "it's not a race". To which I jokingly responded "I guess it is now".  
SD said (in a snotty tone) "shut up -my name-."  To which my BF responded with a snicker.  I turned to him and waited for him to respond appropriately and he didn't so I said "do you think that's funny?"  He said no and then gave a weak reprimand and told her she should say she was sorry. There was little to no seriousness in his tone. I guess she mumbled a "sorry" which I did not hear. 
I'm really upset by the fact that she thinks it would be acceptable to say that to me. We don't generally speak that way.  I have NEVER said that to them. I'm more disappointed with BF's reaction. What would you do?

futurobrillante99's picture

I would speak to your SO about it and let him know you're not going to tolerate it. If he disregards what you're saying, tell him to shut up in front of his kids. I'm sure he will not be thrilled.

Stepmomish55's picture

I did say something to him and he just said that he "already addressed it and she  apologized".  He also said that I"started it".  I wasn't saying anything mean she just can't stand the thought of "losing".

I like the idea of telling him to shut up...or maybe her...

Ispofacto's picture

You 'started it'?  WTF.

So, you're at the same level as his kids, in his opinion.

Wow.  He doesn't respect you.


Stepmomish55's picture

I'm beginning to wonder!  The thing is that he babys her and I try to tell him and he says I'm jealous.  I don't understand what I'm jealous of?  

advice.only2's picture

Talk to you SO ask him why he felt it wasn't a big deal she told you to shut up? Ask him how he would feel had you told his child to shut up? Or him for that matter? The fact that he is allowing that level of disrespect from his child makes me wonder if he even respects you?

Winterglow's picture

Hey, it'll be fun when he gets called to the school because his daughter told her teacher to shut up. 

Ask him if he's raising respectful, pleasant kids or ferals that nobody wants to be around. 

Stepmomish55's picture

Yeah, EXACTLY.  The thing is, I don't think she would say that to her teacher. For some reason she targets me for this behavior.  She's a sweet kid as long as she's getting her way. 
 This is an eight year old that still sucks her fingers so much that she needs extensive orthodontia. And She just cries anytime she's told to stop. 

tog redux's picture

She targets you because her father allows it. She knows darn well that in school she'd get in trouble.

Your SO sounds about as mature as she is - you "started it", and you are "jealous".  Way to have a big boy conversation with his partner. 

Stepmomish55's picture

THANK YOU!!! I don't have anyone in this same situation and so I just end up sucking it up. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

*facepalm*  What a shi!!y parent he is to let his child speak that way to an adult, and especially to his partner. That ill mannered little girl should have had her nose parked in a corner for a good long time out. 

OP, you need to train your bf that you receiving disrespect from his kids equals PAIN for him. He should be more afraid of displeasing you than them.

Stepmomish55's picture

The weird thing is that he won't tolerate a drop of defiance from his 6yo son (towards him). But treats his daughter completely different. She has fits and cries and he is never stern with her.  It's the weirdest dichotomy.  
He tries to suck up to me later but never admits that she or he was wrong. 

CLove's picture

It sounds like you might need to rethink this relationship. because:

1. Your partner coddles his daughter and allows negative behaviors, to the detriment of you and even his younger son.

2. He allows and almost encourages this negative behavior.

3. He puts everything back on you, so you think that YOU are the problem.

None of this sounds at all attractive. Sorry - Ive got a harsh tone today!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

The daaddee - daughter dynamic is the one most often talked about on this site. Dumb doting fathers who cater to and put their princesses on pedestals are common here.

It might help if you approach the problem from a place of concern for SD. You're worried about her, you want her to develop good social skills so she can have lots of friends, be popular, succeed in life, etc. Does he want his little girl to be a mean bully, a Nellie Oleson? You also might point out that he's treating his kids differently, which could pit them against each other.

Whatever strategy you employ, don't accept disrespect or mistreatment from anyone.