17yo boy and Father "cuddeling"
My DH and I married a year ago after a year of dating. He has customdy of two adopted boys from his previous marriage. His last marriage was very abusive mentally and physically and he and his youngest son developed a relationship the childs therapist has said is innapropriate - he has allowed the boy to be elevated to a somewhat adult level by confiding in him and having discussions with him about his marriage that he should nto have had. The boy often acts as if he is an adult often trying to enter into discussions that we are having, getting mad when I telling him we were not having a conversation with him and that hes not part of the discussion. The therapist has indicated that his father needs to be aware of things like this and stop allowing it as well. He has mad a huge headway on it but there is one other issue that I think is part of this relationship that when I bring it up am told that I am crazy and its my problem.
The problem is this: We will be laying on our sectional couch and the now 17year old boy will come in and crawl in behind his dads legs, lay his head on his dads hip and hold his legs. To me this is something you would expect a younger child, partner , SO, girlfriend , boyrfriend etc.. to do, not a 17 yo boy. He also has a tendancy to go into his dads office at times and hang on him. Ive gotten out of the shower at night and come into our room and the boy is on oour bed in the middle watching tv with his dad. I believe it is innappropriate for a boy his age to have this level of intimacy with his dad and have voiced my concern. Again when I do I am told its my problem and even suggestions that I am jealous from my DH.
I do not care about hugs and momentary moments of intimacy but feel that this is an area just like the therapist has already said was innaprioriate.
Your thoughts are appreciated.