11 year old tantrum
Yesterday we wanted to go out for lunch. Me, DH, and there are his 2 boys here for the weekend. The 11 year old is difficult to wake up and get out of bed. DH told him to get up and dress around 12pm. When DH went back upstairs the kid is still in bed. Again he was told to get up and dressed. This happens 2 more times, then I hear the yelling. Dh yelling get up and the kid yelling no, I don't want to. It goes back and forth and once this kid starts a tantrum there is nothing you can do about it. can't reason with him, if you try to pull him out of bed he kicks and yells, he yelled the typical I hate you....and other mean things. So DH had no choice but to let him stay there. So in the end, we didn't get to go out, and kid got his way, he got to stay in his room. Seems to me he is too old to be having crying fits like this. This has been going on since he I met him when he was 2 1/2. Not as often of course. But he is going into 6th grade. Crying for not getting his way? really? What do we do? I hate that the kid got what he wanted and our day was ruined. DH was upset and stressed (he's normally very mellow and rarely even yells at the kids). I have been telling DH for years that he needs to make sure kid goes to sleep at a better time. I go to bed earlier than DH. But DH want to be a fun parent and once he goes to sleep we have no idea what the kid is doing anyway. Sometimes the kid will sleep to as late as 4pm. The older son who shares a bedroom with him at the mom's house, says he does the same thing there.
actually we did drag him
actually we did drag him about of bed and when we were trying to carry the kid downstairs DH hurt his leg, and we ended up in the ER, now he has a knee brace, because the stupid kid wouldn't cooperate with his father
we didn't want to let the older kid wrestle with the brat because we don't want him getting hurt since his football season just started
Now his mom and stepdad live out of state
well at least we all had pizza for lunch, didn't get brat any though, DH said kid is on his shit list
Does he get privileges taken
Does he get privileges taken away when he doesn't do what is asked of him?
ex... 'If you don't get out of the bed and ready to go by ___, there will be no tv or ___ for the rest of the day (weekend, week, whatever).
There are two problems
There are two problems here.
1. The kid is staying up too late.
Kids this age do need more sleep, but from what you have said, nobody knows what he's doing and let's face it, kids are going to stay up if allowed to. Around that age, I started letting my son have natural consequences of staying up late (not performing well at basketball practice/games, or being really tired for whatever he had to get up for...literally falling asleep). We homeschool, so we only had to get up early for some stuff, not everyday. He is 14 now and he has finally figured out he is only hurting himself. For kids who go to school everyday, all electronics need to be removed an hour before bed time. And bed time needs to be earlier. They can read themselves to sleep.
2. Dad didn't just leave him in bed and go.
The kid is old enough to stay home alone. I would have just left him, and probably given him a consequence on top of missing the meal like, "If you don't get up, you are going to have to... (do the chore you hate the most)." Dad is hurt from his own doing. That is his consequence. Don't get into physical battles with your children! Eventually they get bigger than you, but you will still be smarter for a much longer time. Always use your brain and the fact that they are dependent on your money, your rides, your authority...
I agree with the ice/water if the kid HAS to get up for something. I never had to do it, but have had ice water above my son's head, about to pour when he jumped out of bed.
We are dealing with this
We are dealing with this issue with SD9. When they come back to us next week, for the rest of the month before school starts DP has a plan. Get her to bed at a regular, sensible time. This is easier because it's getting darker earlier. Then, wake her up before she needs to get up, like 30 min warning. Then after 30 minutes, DP goes and makes sure she is out of bed, physically.
This is all his idea. I am hoping he follows through because that's where the problem usually arises. But SD9 has to get up early on school days and we want her ready and not fighting it when she HAS to get up.
She has stopped us from doing things because she won't get out of bed. I started planning things for myself on the mornings she was here, without anyone else after one time DP was mad at me because SHE interrupted the plans and I wouldn't change mine to help DP meet his. Um, no.
Both SDs are getting alarm clocks when we take them school shopping this year.