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Wow...trying to use a family friend as a therapist

Biostep7777's picture

Gezzzz.... this seems strange. Okay so, when my husband found out his ex wife was cheating on him they went to see a therapist who was recommended by ex wife's mother. Her mother and this woman are very close family friends. 

HCBM is now trying to use her as a witness to say my DH was "abusive" and had anger issues. Lol!! First, there is zero documentation of this (because it's not true) and second, HCBM claims he has only started to be abusivr to the kids AFTER they were divorced and only when I came in the picture snd third, she's trying to use a  close family friend as an expert witness to his "anger issues" when they only saw her twice. What!!??? This seems very strange. 

tog redux's picture

And they saw her years ago?  That's absurd. How does she know he's abusive and has anger issues if she only saw them when they were still married and before the abuse started?

All these personality disordered BMs accuse their exes of "abuse".  "Abuse" means - he won't give me my way.

Biostep7777's picture

She is all over the place. DH calls her out. He said "you are saying I'm abusive to our kids yet you volunteerily signed an agreement granting me joint physical and legal custody, you would leave the boys with me for weeks at a time while you went on trips ect?" Then she said "when I signed that agreement it was with the understanding that you would not abuse our kids" then she says "let's call the therapist in that saw us a couple times while we were still married (who is a close family friend of BM's)  She will tell you of his abusive nature"  wait...but you just said he didn't turn into an abuser until he married me? Which one is it?? Was he always abusive and the therapist you saw while married who is your friend will testify to that or was he not abusive when you were married to him but he decided to become abusuve when he married me?? Lol!!! Dumb as a rock! 
Oh and the funny part? Her mom and this therapist used to be Facebook friends and they "unfriended" each other to try and show they are not friends and she's a neutral party. But, DH found a bunch of posts where the therapist responded to her Mom's pictures saying "I love you dear friend" and "I'm so glad you are such a dear friend! My family loves your family" 

Baaaaaahahahaha!!! That is going to be FUN brining that in court. This woman is going to loose her license lying like that stating they do not have a personal relationship. So stupid! 

ohhhh then BM said that I have witnessed his "outbursts" but did nothing to protect the kids. At the same time saying "I would like him to have supervised visits and his wife can supervise" which is it dumb ass???? If I'm not going to protect the kids than why are you okay with me supervising?? Lol!! (Btw...I have never seen any abusive behavior from my husband what so ever and the therapist said "there is absolutely zero reasons that dad needs supervised visits" she is a complete nut job. 

tog redux's picture

Why is your DH calling her out on this crap? That's what she wants. She wants his attention on HER and not on you. She wants a reaction from him. If narcissistic people can't get love from someone, they will settle for hate.  He should ignore her entirely.  Arguing is a form of intimacy in a divorced couple - if you are indifferent, you don't even care to argue with them anymore. And indifference will bother her the most.  Let the attorneys do the arguing, that's what you pay them for.

There is a very strong chance none of this will ever be heard or seen in court, most trials don't take place.  Attorneys push hard for settlements before trial.  In the meantime, she's got his attention, just as she wants.

Ignore everything that is not related to the kids, and that needs an immediate answer.

It took me a long time to get DH to see that all the arguing was playing right into BM's hands, and was just what she wanted - his attention, focused on her and their relationship, and not on me.

Biostep7777's picture

Yep. Agreed!!! He was so hell bent on defending himself. He was scared. Therapy has helped. The first example was a long time ago. The whole thing with the therapist he hasn't mentioned because he stopped arguing. The therapist explained to him that he doesn't have to defend himself against her nonsense and we learned BIFF so this is all just being documented. The most he says is "your statements are false. I will pick the kids up today at 5:00" Yeah, it took him a long time to realize this was all attention seeking behavior. He still struggles with wanting to defend himself because not an email goes by where she doesn't make a false claim but he just states "false" now instead of "I didn't do that or this and blah blah blah" 
We are 100% going to trial. Our BM is the most HCBM I have ever seen. She is not going to settle. Anything our Attorney’s have tried to ask for she had denied. All DH really wants is a parental coordinator and she will not agree so trial is absolutely happening 

CastleJJ's picture

You very well may not go to trial, even if BM refuses to agree. Our BM refused to settle and guess what, the judge met with DH and said, "If you take this to trial, this is what I will order you (6 weeks of visitation, which was exactly what we already had - no gain). The judge was telling DH to not take it to trial and just settle with BM. The judge also told DH that he will not change or increase visitation going forward. So DH and his attorney drafted a reasonable CO and that was that. BM still tried to motion for additional changes in the CO, specifically ordering DH to do out of state visitation, but that was thrown out after 3 attempts. We went to court expecting to win, were strong-armed into settling, and DH's CS increased. We spent a year in the courts and $30k to gain nothing and going to trial wouldn't have changed anything. 

After that, we learned to pick our battles, even if it means letting BM control everything and dropping rope. We have eliminated 85-90% of BM's conflict from our lives just by letting go. 

Biostep7777's picture

The problem here is that she is hell bent on saying he is abusive, the kids hate us, they are not safe, they don't want to be here ect.. She's not going to settle anything. She truly is crazy. I know everyone says that about the BM's but no...she is very smart and she knows exactly what to do to get her way. She has managed to get everything she wants and to turn the kids against us. But, DH won't drop rope. He won't. He will fight for those kids no matter what. Trust me, I wish he would just let her have them. At this point? This has gone too far and those kids think we are awful. She feeds into everything they say. My kids are happy and safe here, all their friends want to be here, their friends ask us to adopt them lol!! (I have my daughter and her 3 friends here right now) why is everyone else on our home happy, comfortable and feel safe but his kids hate it here and they don't feel safe? Oh because the world doesn't revolve around them here and that makes us abusuvr to them. How dare we not make everything about them. How dare we expect them to do their own laundry and clean their own rooms. How dare DH ever raise his voice about anything. How dare we do something for my kids without doing more for them. Yep. We are monsters. Give me a break! 

tog redux's picture

She will settle. Trust that her attorney is telling her that some of this stuff doesn't look good for her, and she could lose in court. That's what they do to push settlements. Both sides give a little and a settlement is done. The pressure to settle is enormous.  Trust us, we've been there. 

Glad your DH doesn't defend himself anymore. 

Rags's picture

This kind of crap needs to be dealt with as brutally as is necessary to end the threat and behavior.   Have your attorney notify the friend/therapist that if they participate in any way that the will spend days on the stand being grilled by your attorney and any twitch out of line with their professional ethics will result in a full assault on their professional licensing.

Document, document, document and go after BM legally, socially, and financially with every weapon you have at your disposal. Don't stop until she wilts and crawls back under her rock.

Good luck.