Hi this is my first post. i dont know what to do for the best for my step children and husband. My husband has 3 children 3 , 5, and 8.

the eldest is to his first partner and is well looked after. the youngest 2 are to a women he met on a night out who fell pregnant after what was originally a one night stand. For the babies sake he decided to try make a relationship work with her. its didnt work under the circamstances and he left. He found out during the relationship that she'd been hiding the fact she suffers from bipolar. After the relationship ended she hounded him with hundreds of messages. phone calls, excuses to get him to the house and even used her mental illness to guilt trip him into sleeping with her again. This led to another unplanned pregnancy. 

Me and my partner were firstly best friends so i have been there for the most part and seen how manipulative and decitful she is. She currently has 4 children all to one night stands. she is extremely obsessed with my Husband and all her childrens fathers. and the bipoloar shines through. she was with my husband for a year. Ive been with my husband for 3 years and we have known each other for 8. Although she was 6 months pregnant when me and my husband got toghether they were not in a relationship. They never really have been in a relationship. The truth is had she not fallen pregnant after the one nght stand and had baby number 1 he probably would never have seen her again. Yet she speaks about me to my Husband and the children like i'm the other woman. Shes even turned my partners first partner and husband against us despite us being friends before. 

For 3 years we have had contact with held. Threats ,emotional blackmail. You name it she's done it. We are having as little contact with her as possible at the moment as nearly 5 years since they split up she is still obsessed with my husband. The sad thing is the kids never get a mention. She had the children for the sole purpose of trapping my husband and the kids are suffering.

she currently only lets us have the children 2 days a month for 6 hours each time. As we want as little contact as possible with her we never argued it. we are just glad to be seeing the children again. However everytime the children come to ours it is obvious the kids are not properly looked after. the nearly 6 year old can't string a simple sentence together and can't even pronounce her little brothers name. [its a short easy name] i raised my concerns to my partner 3 years ago when i first noticed she was struggling. Hes to scared to raise concerns or upset there mother incase she takes contact away again or she starts phoning and texting obsessivly again. Her speech as got worse during lockdown and most recently she has come over with several shiny fillings on her teeth. The youngest comes over with long dirty nails, his hair is so long he can barely see. Hes development is quite obviously behind and he often comes over with a bright red raw face from still getting bottles. The eldest wasnt toilet trained until she was 4 and i fear the youngest will be the same. There is only so much we can do for the kids in 6 hours. She has had social services envolvement before and after the childrens births. She was told she was not fit to have another one after the eldest but went out her way to get pregnant anyway. Despite this social services has just given her custody of her late sisters young child so now she has 5 children she cant look after.

We've been waiting for the School to pick up on the issues but thats yet to happen. I have considred phoning the School myself but i don't want it to come back at us and we lose access again. Espesially if this is there only escape and chance to be looked after properly even if it is only for a few hours. I also dont want to go to social services for the same reason but also because i know they have already been involved and had there own concerns and done nothing about it so it feels like it would be a big risk. I dont want to cause arguments or cause the children anymore distress. Ive such a strong bond with my SD. When she arrives at ours she instanly seeks me out and is glued to me most of the day. I feel this is because she not getting the mother/ daughter time she wants or needs with her BM. I try help her with her speech but at nearly 6 she needs a professional. I'm full of guilt knowing if I'd pushed my husband to man up abit and raised the concerns 3 years ago she'd not be suffering now. I dont know what to do anymore. its breaks my heart that much i've considered leaving. Sometimes i think it would be easier to help them if i was on the outside looking in and didnt have the emotional attachement to the children and the situation. i just dont know what to do anymore. I will point out things when the children are here but i know longer discuss it with my husband. whenever i have brought it up he gets visibly upset and shuts down or we argue so ive given up now. i get why hes reluctant to get involved his ex partner is impossible. i dont know what to do for the best anymore or where to turn.