Uhhh...over the top HCBM wants to mediate??

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What is she up to??? She wants to face complete control. She feels she's the "true" parent, she will not agree to ANYTHING and even when she does she doesn't do it. She does not involve DH in any decisions, she will not agree to a PC because she doesn't want anyone having any control over her, she will not negotiate anything at anytime for any reason, she will not agree to put kids in therapy, she doesn't agree to literally anything and all of a sudden she wants to mediate??? There's NO mediating with her. She will not agree or compromise whatsoever.

She is literally the most toxic controlling high conflict person EVER. What is she up to because we know damn well it's not that she's reasonable and just wants to settle. There's absolutely NO WAY. What is her game plan???? Something is NOT RIGHT!

She thinks she can talk

She thinks she can talk (steamroll) your DH to her her side.

Yeah. Maybe that's what it is

Yeah. Maybe that's what it is. But obviously his attorney is going to be there. Does she really think she can steamroll the attorney too? Shesh

People who are not communicable, who constantly blindside

You with ulterior motives are people you cannot talk to and need to ignore unless absolutely necessary

She may be trying to look reasonable

She may just be trying to look reasonable so when mediation fails she blames DH. Rather than let her steam roll and go into theatrics, his lawyer could request a shuttle service where they are in separate rooms. Cuts out a lot of the BS and he doesn't have to listen to her, someone else can deal with her

Probably her attorney

Probably her attorney suggested it. He/she knows full well that no court is going to order DH to keep paying 100% of extracurriculars on top of CS, so she's going to try to get the best deal she can. This would be good - if you can avoid court, do it. It's enormously stressful, expensive, and she will ramp up the alienation of the kids.

Sounds like the typical PAS

Sounds like the typical PAS by HCBM. SD10 recently asked DH if she could go over to BMs house early this week. SD explained by saying "I mean, she like gave BIRTH to me and you guys just didn't!" BM putting herself up on a pedestal while minimizing DHs role as a parent. Sad to say, but typical brainwashing techniques.

WHAT your sd age 10 said that

WHAT your sd age 10 said that?

OMG dogmom

Our HCBM used mediation over

Our HCBM used mediation over court every time because she knew she could lay down the demands and threaten DH and the mediator wasn't going to do anything about it. DH said there were always subtle nuances of verbal and emotional abuse toward DH during mediations, because there was no authority figure there to hold BM accountable for her behavior. DH basically said the mediator sat there to make sure nothing got physical but didn't offer any commentary.

The difference is, DH started from nothing. BM withheld SS for the first 2 years of his life while they were battling in court and there was a settled visitation agreement. Then when they went to settle visitation, BM required supervised visits because DH had never met SS (because of her) and he "didn't know how to parent." The judge sent them to mediation to sort out a visitation plan. BM basically said "Take what I give you or you'll lose SS". DH being young, dumb, and broke did just that. They went back to mediation yearly for 5 years where BM would add pittance for time, saying it was a "gradual increase." Well that increase moved at a snail's pace for 5 years, with DH getting 3 hours, then 5, then 3 hours twice a week, and ending with DH gaining single 24 hour overnights once per month when SS was 5. When SS was 5, DH said enough and took BM to court. She felt so betrayed by DH for pursuing court, but she pushed too far and he finally fought back. Even with all of that and going back to court, we still only see SS (who is almost 9) 6 weeks per year, because the judge said SS doesnt really know DH due to minimal visitation over the years and SS is too young to be away from BM for longer than 2 weeks at a time. BM got what she wanted, to be the "only" parent.

Mediation is a joke and cannot work with unreasonable HC parents. Mediation works for parents who can coparent well. These BMs think they can steamroll because a judge isn't present so best behavior isn't required. Your DH can try it, with his attorney present, but if they can't reach an agreement, back to court they go... Do not let DH settle.

Oh his attorney will

Oh his attorney will definitely be there!!! I agree mediation won't work with high conflict people. She wants what she wants and will never agree to less than 100% of exactly what she wants. That's why I was like "ummmm mediation? Is that a joke?" There is literally NO WAY she will agree to anything. They have had joint and physical custody for 5 years. She would not follow the agreement and was abusing everything on there so DH started a lawsuit to get a CO. All of a sudden after 15 years of DH being a father and her NEVER claiming any sort of abuse, she then tried to say he is abusive and she should have full legal and physical custody. lol!! Zero proof of any sort of abuse (because it never happened) and the judge told her to cut the crap, dad is a good dad and to stop putting shit in the kids heads. That was our temp hearing. We sent in a request for discovery, they did the same which is no problem! We are prepared and nothing to hide. But, now ate all of a sudden wants to mediate?? Either she reallllly doesn't want us to see something in discovery or like a previous poster said, she thinks she can steamroll, use bully tactics and abuse DH into submission OR she is going to ask for completely unreasonable things to try and "prove" DH is the one with the problem. (It's very clear she is the HC one) Yeah, he won't settle for anything unreasonable. He's literally asking for the standard. Shared legal and physical custody, calculated child support ect... if she asks for full custody after never having it and for zero reason (she already used the abuse card and it didn't work) and he says "no I won't take less time nor will I give up my legal rights as a fit and proper parent" he's NOT going to look bad the way she hopes. She's truly an idiot.

btw- my ex and I went to mediation, banged the entire custody/child support and everything else out in 4 hours and have had an extremely good coparenting relationship since. That was over 4 years ago and no problems. This will NEVER happen with her. She's so HC and drama it's ridiculous.

Her attorney may have let her

Her attorney may have let her know that she can't expect to have 100% of everything. Not to say mediation will work, but her attorney may talk her into a settlement of some kind.

Satan wanted mediation so she

Satan wanted mediation so she could get facetime with DH, trap him in a room and force him to listen to her abusive crap and answer her ridiculous allegations. Then she'd get attention by playing the victim and crying in front of the mediator.

He needs to work on non-reaction. Don't speak unless absolutely necessary, and with the fewest words possible. If it goes nuts, he can stand up and walk out.

They are going to be in

They are going to be in separate rooms with their attorney with them. There's no way she will get away with any bullying what so ever. The mediator is the messages back and forth. They certainly won't relay abusive statements and I would hope her attorney would keep her in check. She will look awful doing that.

BM hasn't been getting the

BM hasn't been getting the response she wants from your DH lately. He's not replying to her hundreds of e-mails/texts immediately and he's giving her short, unemotional responses when he does reply. That's not enough for her, so she'll drag him to mediation so she can berate him and force him to respond to her. And maybe she sees your influence in his most recent responses. Maybe she figures if she gets him away from you she can bully him into what she wants. Who knows what goes through the minds of these high conflict BMs?

Definitely this. HCBM here

Definitely this. HCBM here tries new strategies or starts recycling old ones when she's not getting a response

Lol!! That's funny! Recycling

Lol!! That's funny! Recycling old ones. Ours does this too. And trying news ones. Lol!! I'm cracking up. Yes, right now she's trying anything! Writing him a million emails and if he doesn't reply within an hour, she says he's being uncommunicative. She is also trying to say he's always late and it's "becoming a problem" well he does 100% of the transportation and has been for the last 5 years. He has been 5-7 min late a few times (due to traffic or an accident he has to get around) literally maybe 2-3 times a year and the latest he's ever been was 7 min, he let her know so she could let the kids know dad is in traffic but in his way. No big deal right?? WRONG!!! In her eyes this makes him the worst father in the universe and "proves" she should have full custody. DH does all the transportation. She will not do it and she actually thinks him being late a handful of times will look BAD on him but the fact that she will not drive to pick up her kids won't look bad for her? If SS forgets something he absolutely needs at her house. She won't bring it, but DH will drive back over there and get it (this doesn't normally happen but if it's something school related and critical, he will do it) she withholds their school supplies so DH has to run over there and get them before school drop off so they can grab whatever they need for school but she thinks DH is the one who will look bad? Lol!! Delusional!! Maybe her attorney is telling her how bad she's looking right now. DH has been asking her to agree to a PC she refused, he had been asking her to agree to a therapist for 6 months, she won't do it. She makes unreasonable demands, she agreed to Our Family Wizard but won't communicate on it. She says she will only use it for reimbursement purposes and that she will text/email him "all she wants" she leaves him out of decisions and when she does include him and if he disagrees with her, she abused him telling him just how awful he is and that she's going to do it anyway because "she is the mother and knows best" she harassed him emailing saying "I hope you were capable enough to do their laundry" and "please do not curse or speed with the children" and "try your hardest to not be late"

its AWFUL!!! We spoke to our attorney and they explained that as much as it sucks right now, let her continue because she looks insane. So, going to try and suck it up but maybe her attorney is saying "this is not looking good for you, you should mediate or you might lose custody of those kids or get reduced or lose legal custody because she refuses to coparent. Oh and SS was absent from two classes yesterday. We have no idea why. DH asked her in OFW and she won't answer because he didn't email her (after she agreed to OFW) can you say High Conflict?? Shesh!

That's one thing I remember

That's one thing I remember from having an abusive ex is you can't even be human because any tiny error is blown up into how you're the worst parent ever. And if they can't find anything wrong they make it up. So awful.

She won't lose custody. But

She won't lose custody. But she will almost certainly be asked to help with transporting and pay towards her kids extracurriculars. And hopefully, to use OFW for everything.

Yeah, not full custody but it

Yeah, not ALL custody but it could be reduced or she could lose parts of legal custody like dad making the decisions for health since she refuses to put them in therapy when clearly they need it! They are in a VERY high conflict situation and it's obviously bothering them. The last therapists stated this in our TPA hearing and the next day she fired them. Ugh!

It's hard to wrangle custody

It's hard to wrangle custody away from a mother. They might order her to agree to therapy or stuff like that, but it's highly unlikely they will give anything more to DH other than not having to pay for everything or do all the transporting. I'd be surprised if they even cared about therapy - and she will twist it to make herself look good.

In other words - don't get your hopes up.

Oh we don't want full custody

Oh we don't want full custody at all. We absolutely do not want to take them away from mom. All I was saying was I'm curious if her attorney put some fear into her enough for her to agree to mediate.

Therapy is costly and won't

Therapy is costly and won't help. BM will sabotage the therapy and ramp up the PAS even more.

Not if you get a good one

Not if you get a good one that is well versed in PA and it's covered under insurance. The last 3 therapists saw right through her. That's why she fired them. They have joint custody so he could not take them without her agreement. So, we have another that we would like to use and she ignores him asking. He has been asking since October. So she's claiming it's so awful here, DH is so terrible and they are so distraught coming to this awful place (which is laughable. We have other kids who are very happy, secure and comfortable in our home. We could not possibly have a more loving and healthy home) but she doesn't think they need therapy?? Just do sports 6 times a week?? That's what is important? She's making very bad decisions. She thinks throwing them in sports to the point of exhaustion and refusing then therapy while claiming they are having such a hard time here (which they are not) that's not good for her! Again, we do not want to take the kids away from her but if she keeps it up? It could definitely hurt her.

They are not going to be in

They are not going to be in the room together and their attorney's are with them. She can't even speak to DH

Your DH needs to have a list

Your DH needs to have a list of his deal breakers that under no circumstances will he give on and ask for more than he wants (so he has something to give that doesn't matter). Since his lawyer is the preacher of reasonableness, if DH doesn't have and stick to his list of non-negotiables and let his attorney know that they are non-negotiable, who knows what he'll end up with.