She’s imploded

Endofmytether100's picture

My partners ex has been taken into hospital last weekend and is still there. She has a serious drinking problem is a narcissist and has been making our lives a nightmare for years. She is a terrible parent but has to control us all. She can't bare for anyone to be happy. 
 

It looks like she won't be coming out any time soon. When she comes out she will need carers etc. Partners daughter is 12. It has been a bad situation with her mother for a long time but my partner is terrified of her. Anyway finally today he has contacted social services, school and set the ball rolling to get some sort of help. 
 

The ex has isolated herself from everyone and has no family or friends. She left her daughter with us last Saturday and never got let out. My partner works shifts and lives 45 mins from me to fascilitate the daughters school. He can't work around both ends of the school day. I can't support from here due to the distance, my child and work on a daily basis. He has taken two weeks unpaid leave already. He has to go back to work next week. It is pretty clear she shouldn't have the child back anyway but now physically can't. 
 

I could have her here which would be a much better and more stable life for her. We have never been able to move in together full time because of the ex. My partner has to be around constantly for her not being picked up, left at friends and being drunk.  However the ex isn't going to allow it and more to the point we would have to change the school. Can anyone give any advice? Currently we are totally stuck because of the mother who rarely has her, before this was emotionally abusive and drunk and now can't look after her at all. We are waiting for social services to come back to us I just wondered if anyone has any thoughts?

 

I get he should have done something about this along time ago I have been going mad for years and now she finally actually half killed herself he is taking action. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Your SO needs to contact an attorney and get an emergency custody hearing. Then he needs to figure out how to parent his daughter on his own. If he works overnights, he can probably do it without much help. For other shifts he is going to need help, whether paid or with friends and family. He might need to consider a change in jobs if shift work is going to be a real problem.

My advice to you is to step back and let him and his daughter figure out their new reality. The bulk of parenting needs to come from her Dad, not you. If you can occasionaly lend a hand, that would be fine, but he needs to figure this out on his own. Do not have his daughter move in with you. There are so many ways that could go so wrong, starting with the fact that you have no legal rights to her and the liability would be huge.

 

Endofmytether100's picture

I meant them both moving in here. Not just her on her own. Sorry I didn't make myself very clear. 
 

We are in the UK. Once he has spoken to social services again today solicitors will be contacted foo. I just wondered if anyone had changed schools temporarily or permanently successfully without the other parents consent if they were unfit/ incapacitated? His sister helped out last week but due to the hours and that paid childcare just isn't readily available over nights here a more permanent solution is needed for the child too so she knows where she will be from one day to the next. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

You may struggle to get advice on changing UK schools from this forum.  Not that people don't want to help but most of the posters are from the USA.  

Sounds like a nightmare.  Hope you make it through this.  Remember that you can't care more than the bio parents.

Rags's picture

Continuing to sacrifice his child to the alky mother makes him only slignly less despicable.

You, have a decision to make. Do you really want to sacrifice your own life and your child's life to this tragic shit storm?

Nea

Harry's picture

So he's home to parent his kids.  He made them, he takes care of them.  Life isn't always easy. This is one time.   You can do what you want. Stay, leave. Just know it's isn't going to get better