If you want what is best for the child you are going to have to keep buying her stuff for the house. I, like you, did not see the point in this. Then my SD made the point one day that this was not her home because she did not have any of her stuff here. She came and visited with a suitcase....

School supplies... if she wont buy them supply her with a receipt and dock it from CS. Sounds fair to me.

Do you guys not have a Court Order? I would think this would be something mom is obligated to supply with the CS she gets.

Our CO has a recommendations section that says that you should allow the child to bring stuff back and forth. Not a problem here anyway. But I think that SUCKS. I DO know on the flip side that many step mommas here get mad because the stuff they send home to BM never makes it back to their house. Is it possible that she's upset because of that and is making a point? Or is she just trying to make it miserable at your house and hoping to alienate the child against you or just trying to make you spend money?

We buy everything for our house. BM does send stuff but when it gets here i put it in a closet or wash it cause it smells horribly like nasty smoke. We are a smoke free home. However i not send the s stuff we buy to bm house because she never returns it. I felt bad one time because she called us one night, ss was 4, because he was with us for 3 months straight and wanted his favorite book and his snuggle bear. we told him that he would have that here at his dads house. We didnt send them because the snuggle bear belongs to his dad from childhood and bm hated it when they were dating and the book belongs to the book collection from him and his brothers. but we also buy him cloths and shoes and school supplies also and send those to his moms house with him. its not really fair but the situation isnt fair either. so you just need to make the best of it all.

My skids don't want to leave anything at our house. They think we might use it or go through it. We wouldn't and in fact they are constantly going through all of our things, I have no safe spot in my home.

Everytime I buy skids something they take it home, never to be seen again. We just don't buy them as much any more. They are happy visiting dad with a suitcase, it's the way they want it. They are very possessive children, there is no way I could buy them a new pair of shoes and then say, you can only wear them EOWE. It would be a waste of money too, kids grow so fast.

BM sends zero for SK

I hate it and cant stand it!!!! BM is doing this to make it bad for the kids at our home.

What BM is doing is child abuse, so many angry X's do this to their own children, the children already have to split their time and their love, what is to be gained by splitting their belongings too! I heard of a BM who literally would make her son stand outside the door and strip his clothes and any possessions off of him from dad's house put them in a bag to be left outside until he put them back on to go on his next visitation. I assume she was Hitler's daughter!

Buy the SD school supplies, enjoy the time going with her to pick everything out. It is fun watching them get excited about it. Make it an event! You will be the one rewarded with this experience and the ex will loose out. Help get her cloths for your house (bonding moment). The BM can't win a battle you aren't willing to engage in. Look at it from this angle, the BM gave you an oppening to get to know and bond with your new SD. In the end, she will loose out.

As much as I hate it, I try to not let skids bring anything back to BM's house. It really sucks for them...but here's the thing: BF is really great about supplying clothes and toys for my kids. So, if they leave in nice clothes, they return in nice clothes...if they need something from one house, it's never a problem to exchange it back. Our things get interchanged all the time, and returned if requested, otherwise, we don't really care because our kids aren't suffering a massive difference in the way they live. We have a super-amicable situation, and it works out great, and the kids are really well adjusted because of it.

On the other hand...
Skids always return in clothes that do not fit them, are dirty or have holes in them. They look like homeless kids when we get them back. Any clothes, lunchboxes, shoes, winter clothing, bathing suits, backpacks, gifts from my parents have all gone to BM's and have not returned. Skids even started stealing things from our home that BM insisted belonged to her that did not! I even tried taking the high road, and decided, we'll just buy 100% of what they need, and throw away the crap, so all they have left is the nice stuff we bought them. We would buy them double of everything so they'd always have what they needed at both homes. How naive of me. The crappy clothes did not cease. And anything doubled still ended up at BM's. For a while I was thinking she just started selling their clothes and letting them wear garbage. So, now it's quite simple: I assume anything that goes to BM's is never coming back. So before they leave I make sure they aren't taking anything that needs to stay at our house.

Oh now there's a subject that just frosts my bra! I don't allow my SS to take anything to his BMP house ( he's not allowed at BM because her roommate whom she was sleeping with does not like SS). Anywho if her parents bought it ( she will not pay CS nor buys him anything) then he can take it if they didn't then OH HELL NO it's not going. Things somehow get broke or lost or never returned so no I'm not throwing money away on her. I bought all school clothes and supplies this year for both boys because BM will not. THEN right after school started her parents went out and bought him all these supplies he couldn't even use plus he conned them into buy things I had already told him he couldn't have at school ( he's in a private school tuition is $500 a month they are very specific on what they can and cannot have)I was irate, I put off a damn car payment to make sure they both had everything they needed, then he took all the things I bought him and shoved them in his night stand drawers. I don't even allow him to take his lunch in containers that Friday he goes for the weekend, either they don't come back or no one washes them all weekend. This weekend past is the first time he EVER came back with clean clothes usually he hasn't showered all weekend and in the same dirty clothes from Friday.
Talk about frustrating!

With my SD what ever clothes she comes home from BM's house n she takes off and i wash. we put them up and she wears them back the next visit. nothing else goes. I figure that I buy the crap that is here so it stays here! if she wants something over there then she can ask her BM and if she feels like actually spending money on her kid then she can get it for her over there.

Same issues here...we pay a lot of child support and buy things for my skids. BM rarely buys things and when she does it is used from goodwill and practically already worn out. I have gotten to the point of only buying them clothes on bdays and xmas and just letting them look like the way she dresses them because we cant afford it anymore. Toys always stay at our house. Whatever we or my family or dh family buys for them stays. Its hard with clothes because the kids want to wear what they want to and its hard to say "you cant wear that to your moms because we bought it". I hate the kids to see the pettyness of it all, but its expensive to pay child support and supply all of their necessities!!

how do you delete duplicate posts

When the daughter brings her things to your house, they are out of BM's control. Apparently she likes to be in control to make her feel more secure, so she is just adding these ridiculous rules to feel more secure about her daughter leaving.
And she should be able to use the debit card to buy cigarettes, she is paying rent for her house out of her own money, and food and cable and telephone. So where the money comes from to buy her cigarettes is her business, not yours.

We pay CS even though we have 50/50, anything we send to BM's that is worth ANYTHING (necklaces, bracelets, rings, ear-rings, even electronics or nice shoes) get taken and sold, any clothes that go regardless of condition get ripped, torn, stained - ruined in whatever way she can think of. (We bought SD4 a Frozen Elsa dress, she was so proud she wanted to wear it to show BM, when SD came home a week later she cried when we asked if BM had like it because BM had ripped it off her and cut it up with scissors - Of course when BM was asked about the dress, she said SD wore it on the play-ground, fell and the skirt ripped all the way to the top and she thought it was unfix-able and threw it away.)
We told BM we were sick of SD's belongings being ruined or stolen, so she was to provide clothes for change-over from now on. SD now comes in clothes that are torn, stained, too small and most of the time entirely inappropriate. It's going to get harder as SD gets older, however SD understands so hopefully it won't be too difficult.